Do people really think their friends don’t notice re-gifted toiletries?

[MoustachaNatasha]

I know this will sound ungrateful, and I know the obvious answers are “just stop doing gifts,” “be glad you got anything at all,” or “maybe that’s all they can afford.” I get all of that, but that’s not really my question.
I always put thought into gifts I think my friends will genuinely like, but every year I seem to receive a random mix of toiletries or odds and ends that I can’t use, and feel too embarrassed to re-gift. Some of them are literally the free gifts you get when buying full sizes. They go straight into a cupboard and today I’m bagging them up to donate to my DD’s Christmas fair. It even crossed my mind that I’ll probably end up receiving something back from there in the next round of gifts.
So my actual question is: if you re-gift toiletries, do you honestly believe the recipient won’t notice, or do you just not care if they do?
Genuinely curious how others see this.

@MoustachaNatasha I would never ever re-gift. If I receive something that isn’t to my taste I take it to charity shop. If I care about someone enough to give them a gift, I make sure I put a lot of thought into it. I can absolutely tell when I receive a gift that’s been regifted. I would never want to make anyone else feel like that.

So you didn't have to give her a present.

No the sticker will be on all the products in the 3 for 2.

Are you quite alright? You seem a bit obsessed with me and it’s getting tiresome now…

Gift tag or gift card you spend?

Just say to her "let's stop this".

This is why I suggested that the adult 'children' stopped buying at Christmas... specifically one on my SILs!

I think regifting can be acceptable.
If you are given something which is clearly good quality, not outdated, then it is not unreasonable to do so.
For instance my partner has various allergies, so nobody can buy anything that she can use.

But if people give you clearly opened or cheap crap, then you need to make a point. For a notable proponent, I would open their gifts immediately, not allowing them to escape. "Oh that's interesting"

Then, as you escort them down the path, I would drop the offensive package in the bin.

I spent 17 years receiving a toiletry set from my SIL and BIL for Christmas, every year. I suffer with eczema on my hands, and my skin is sensitive, so I have to be very careful what products I use. I had even mentioned that most products I can't use, over years, to no avail. My SIL doesn't involve herself with presents for her partner's side of the family (my husband is his older brother), so my BIL buys them. Some years, I hoped for makeup or perfume, but no!! I used to sell the gift sets on eBay after Christmas! Or I'd donate them as raffle prizes for my son's school etc. Last year, my husband told his brother not to bother with presents for us any more, just buy for our child.

My SIL gave me a cheap Asda earring and necklace (£5, I'd seen it in store) for Christmas. I gave it back to her for Christmas 3 years later. She never said a thing 😂 She pleads poverty but is really not.

I don't regift. I put thought into presents. If I get toiletteries for my late November birthday, I take what I might use and rest into food bank. Same for Christmas.

Gift tag addressed to them .

One woman's trash is another woman's treasure. I have since childhood absolutely loved the scent of lavender so would have been delighted with your boyfriends gift 💜

They notice. My family is hysterical every year with this one family member giving obviously crap from her crappy people she influences. Not many and not high end. It does give us a belly laugh though so in a way it’s worth it.

Good for you.

@BloodyBoilingInHere

Or maybe your husband isn't naive at all and deserves an Oscar?

I have given unwanted gifts to things like raffles/tombola.
Personally, I hate getting toiletries as gifts as I am super picky. If people buy me what I like and is stuff I will actually use, then fab. If not... off to a tombola it goes.

My mother does this. She once gave me a beautiful Lancôme gift set that I knew she’d been given as she’d never spend that much.

When I enquired as to why the hand cream was missing, she said “Ohh, I fancied that one”.

She also stores up gifts and reallocates them.

She even told my husband that’s what she was getting me and he suggested something else would be better but she insisted that I would love it! It can’t be exchanged as the person carrying out the experience only does that. It’s not this, but think gifting a pedicure to someone who hates having their feet touched, given by a person who only does pedicures and is friends with your friend.

Gifts are tricky. I have a friend who I know for a fact is on a fairly tight budget, yet her gift budget is evidently far higher than mine and gift giving is very important to her. I sometimes feel uncomfortable with the gifts she gives me, because I am also on a budget and I aim to spend £20-£30 on a birthday gift for a friend or non-immediate family member (and may regift unwanted things I've received, though I would be embarrassed to regift within the same friendship group).

I once talked to her about this when she was stressing out about affording a gift for a mutual friend, and said I just don't do expensive gifts and I don't expect to receive them either. Surely many gifts that any individual receives will be things they didn't particularly want, so it seems a waste to me to be spending a lot of money and crossing your fingers you got it right. I'd prefer to receive a paperback and some chocolate than some high-end branded cosmetics or makeup, for example, but high-budget friend has a thing about gifting the latter.

Basically: YABU if you would like the thing you received if it was newly bought, but don't like it because it's a regift. YANBU if you don't like it either way. Gifts should be something that you think the recipient will like and put some thought into, but not necessarily have to adhere to any standard outside that.

I regift because:

1. I very rarely receive gifts I actually want. I’m pretty fussy and I can also afford to buy things when I want them. I am happier to receive a tiny token rather than the burden of receiving something expensive that I don’t know what to do with. Because -

2. I don’t like waste.

However, I put as much thought into my regifts as into my gifts. I save them and try and match them to the appropriate person. If nobody would want them I give them to the charity shop. I want the person to like their gift, and also I would look like a right idiot if I gave them something inappropriate.

My aunty, mother and granny used to do this. You'd get one toiletry gift set unwrapped at Christmas by aunty, which would then reappear for granny's birthday, then either aunty or mother would get it back again.
The worst example was sibling being gifted the hairbrush set for their 18th birthday that granny had gifted to cousin for their 21st birthday. Less than a year later.
My mother used to do it with us too, mostly raffle or tombola prizes that she had won, as though we had no memories of having seen them on the stand!!!
When they were still alive I had got to sending personalised gifts from 'not on high street' so they couldn't regift as easily. Or a flower arrangement from markies via the post.

Not at all, you plan, your gift takes time, planning and thought. Friends have an idea about their friends finances.
It really is the thought that counts.
I bought my DM a mug every year with other gifts, my neighbour has 5 DC with tight finances. I buy them each a small gift, she always buys me a mother mug, in memory of my DM, it is a very thoughtful €2 gift, it means a lot.

I’ve been helping a family for 30 years, with ponies when their daughter was at school, dog-walking, watering when they’re on holiday, I enjoy it and it’s welcome pocket money. Their daughter is now a teacher and gets lots of end-of-term gifts. I’m pretty sure that the gift bag I receive each Christmas is regifted from her - usually Baylis & Harding toiletries, plus biscuits. I’m delighted to receive them and it’s far better to regift than to throw away.

one of my family members buys gift sets, but splits them - usually keeping the main (nice) part of the set for themselves. I think I’d take a regifted full set over an empty cosmetic bag at this point!

edited to add that this person also gets extremely put out if they don’t receive very considered gifts

Once I was finally divorced from my husband (an unwanted divorce I might add) my father in law stopped gifting my money at 🎄 🎁. Now you may think that reasonable, but he was VERY well off, I was the one bringing his grandchild to visit and keeping the relationship going and finally I was a struggling financially as a now single parent which was obvious to everyone! Instead I got for the next seven years until he died a crappy free gift bubble bath sourced by his daughter. It's not always the thought that counts.