Marriages don’t last anymore because..

[PictureImperfect]

Had a debate with an colleague about why divorce seems so much more common now.

They said that in past generations, couples stayed together because they wanted to work through things and were more committed to making relationships last. I said I think it’s mainly because women have more freedom and independence now. Yes, most of the childcare still falls on women, but that was even more true in the past. Back then, loads of women didn’t have the opportunity to work full time and build careers like their husbands, so they relied on them for financial stability. Now that women can provide their own stability, they’re simply less likely to tolerate an unhappy marriage.

To me, that just seems like basic common sense but my colleague laughed and said I was completely wrong. According to them, people today just can’t be bothered to put in the effort and treat relationships as disposable. They also scoffed when I said women still don’t have the same opportunities as men.

It’s had me thinking, I honestly thought this was just obvious, but now I’m wondering what others think. AIBU, or is my colleague?

@Horsie the way i see it was back in the80sand 90s if your H was putting on porn videos 4 or 5 times a week or stashing dirty mags chances are you would know about it and most women would have taken a pretty dim view of it too but now it can all be done in secrecy as much as they want and much more hardcore stuff too - so most women are oblivious and if/when they find out about it then it’s a pretty big deal for ‘many’ women ( not all I know) -

What about the people who are happily together for years, kids included who marry later on and THEN split up. Marriage is not a good thing.

But in those cases marriage would actually have been a good thing because it would have offered protection to whoever was the main carer of the children and it would ensure equality in the sharing of assets once the relationship broke down, plus continued child care arrangements for the future.

I don't think I follow. What about them? Why do they mean marriage isn't a good thing?

Agreed - there is generally something already wrong in their relationship anyway and they are getting married as a sticking plaster. The same arguments apply for long term relationship break down as marriage breakdown imo

"Marriage is not a good thing"

.I don't think you can come to that conclusion for everyone.

I can also think of people who lived together for years ( 7 years seems to be the optimum time ) who then got married and were split up within a year. Often there was a child involved, which was a shame.

It seems to me that only one party actually wanted to be married and pushed the other in to it (usually it was the women getting pregnant that forded the issue.)

I think sometimes people have been in a relationship for a while and start thinking, "Well now we either have to get married or split up" and it's much easier to get married. But then actually being married and legally committed is what gives them the push to do what they should always have done, and split. I know a few couples like that. It's very sad but in their cases I think they had to get married to reach the point of splitting, strange as that sounds. It gave them the "can't live like this the rest of my life" sense of urgency that was missing when they weren't legally committed.

Doesn't mean marriage is innately a bad thing.

I think it's more of a matter of a struggling relationship where they think that getting married will miraculously save the relationship. A bit like how couples in a struggling relationship have a child to "repair" it. It seldom works.

Gulp. Very glad to be naive about this.

@Badbadbunny not nearly the proliferation there is today with every child having an internet enabled computer in their pocket. Also the sheer volume of pornography with more and more disturbing categories being added all the time and girls thinking that that is what sex is supposed to be.

I think marriage is bad and wish it was an easy to break contract that benefitted both parties more like gay couples had before the law changed so they could marry instead.

@chaosmaker "not nearly the proliferation there is today with every child having an internet enabled computer in their pocket. Also the sheer volume of pornography with more and more disturbing categories being added all the time and girls thinking that that is what sex is supposed to be."

How true !

Gail Dines' book "Pornland" exposes the porn industry for what it is - well worth a read.