Sensitive - Do people believe that male rape is worse than if a woman is raped?

[Spookyseason13]

There was a soap on last night and it featured a man being raped. It was quite graphic and obviously a horrific thing to happen to anyone in real life.

It’s being discussed a lot by the shows fans online. From the comments I’ve read, a lot have either said that they couldn’t watch it as it was too upsetting, or saying how the storyline was too much, or just generally saying how awful it was.

I’m interested to know if people feel that somehow a man being raped is worse than a woman being raped.

The reason I ask is because sure I feel that sexual violence against women is fairly normalised and commonplace entertainment on TV and doesn’t seem to attract the same level of shock and horror. Often the woman is even blamed for putting herself into a dangerous situation.

What a grim topic Op. Can't you tell us a joke instead.

anything that happens to a man is viewed more seriously than if it had happened to a woman

Male rape is less common and perceived as a greater violation for its very unusualness

Well it is grim but rape is something that happens to people. Sexual violence against women is very real.

You don’t have to read or reply to the post if you don’t want to.

This kind of proves your point, OP.

No. Rape is abhorrent whoever the victim is. I think male on male rape has more of a shock value and is consequently quite hard hitting because it is less common than male on female rape. There are also less assumptions involved around whether or not it was rape, the victim has lied, the victim has behaved or dressed provocatively etc.

Trust me it isn’t. My son was raped and it’s nigh on impossible accessing any support at all. Men get even less support than women and the bar is low.

I am a woman and I was l drugged raped l and attacked by a man 13 years ago
My DH was raped by a man 20 years ago
Both shocking and sickening and we will never get over it.
Neither is worse , however I blame myself for mine always have done. It's still affecting me to this day.

In terms of real life responses, yes, I think men are much more horrified by rape of a male when it's on film or TV. I've honestly never heard them talk about incidences of male rapists in real life.

In fact, I don't think they are concerned about fictional portrayal of the rape of women at all. And I'm not sure how bothered some of them are about it in real life.

I don't think it's just about reluctance to discuss these things (which I find totally understandable and it's not a subject I would ever raise).

I don’t think it’s that male rape is worse, it’s just less commonly shown in TV etc so when it is shown it has a much higher shock impact.

I'm really sorry that happened to your son. The lack of support for rape victims is shocking. I was raped years ago and there was little support. I was even told I shouldn't have therapy before the trial.

I remember daring to tell DS that female rape was worse than male rape. He glared at me, until I pointed out that horrific as it is, a raped man can't get pregnant from his abuser, would never have to carry to term and give birth to his abuser's child or raise that child and try to love them whilst seeing traits of their abuser's features in the child's face and perhaps in the child's behaviour too. A raped man could conceal this fact from society if it would culturally isolate him or cause him to be beaten or imprisoned. An impregnated raped woman couldn't. Many raped women the world over have to endure this. DS hadn't thought of this. It's awful. But it's not as potentially awful as female rape. End of.

I agree with this. I think that it carries more "shock factor" whereas I do think there is a certain degree of social tolerance to sexual violence and other forms of violence against women because of how common it is. Society has become a bit numbed to it. I don't think it makes it any 'worse' exactly but I guess if you look at social stereotypes and expectations of men and women in society I do think there can be some barriers that men face when having experienced sexual assault because of the assumptions that men are more able to defend themselves/ don't show weakness/ are stronger etc which obviously we know to be untrue and harmful stereotypes. Equally though there are barriers that women face so I think it's just horrific irregardless of who it happens to but may be experienced differently by men and women by the nature of how society might react.

Yep interestingly we had a similar message too before the trial.

A woman being raped is normalised, its played on TV quite regularly, its in films and almost mainstream.

I almost think, people -men- feel that as woman have sex anyway, what difference does it matter if there is a little force there, its just sex.

Where as a man doesn't have sex done to him, IYGWIM, he is the giver of sex, therefore rape is somewhat seen as worse, a violation of his body.

I do feel people take it more seriously. I remember a case in Manchester where a man raped over 100 men and filmed them. He targeted drunk men leaving clubs offering to let them stay or have a drink at his flat, then drugging them. It was obviously horrendous but I couldn't help but think if he'd targeted women there would have been questions about why was she out getting drunk, why go back to his flat, did they want to have sex with him (even though clearly unconscious in footage), did they choose to take drugs with him, what were they wearing? And having their phones, laptops and sexual histories dug through.

But the victims were men so everyone accepted it was a horrific crime and they didn't do anything wrong getting drunk or going back to a strangers flat. Which of course they didn't, but women know we can't do that and be safe and taken seriously if something happens to us.

Unfortunately women being raped is far too common its not seen as shocking and surprising.
Whereas men being raped is a lot rarer so has a greater shock factor.

(Also women seem to get blamed when they are raped. As do gay men. But not straight men. Not by everyone, but by enough people)

Surely I can't be on my own on this, but I think your question is ill judged and in really poor taste.

Rape is horrific regardless of gender, age, etc. By implying that rape can be categorised as "worse" or on some sort of sliding scale is unbelievable and doesn't really damage to victims.

My son is judged massively now for not being able to be treated by men in hospital or therapy. He was berated and grilled last time in hospital as it’s in his notes. He had to explain why just after an overdose. He couldn’t access rape support as men aren’t allowed on site. There is a stigma to male rape and even less resources than there are for women. It’s appalling.

Honestly - if the man is straight then yes, I think I think being raped by a man might feel a little bit worse than it would for a woman or a gay man. Not much though/ And mostly only because of the shame that societal norms make men feel about rape. It's not spoken about, the victim is perceived as weak and 'not a real man' for 'letting' it happen. They feel they can't speak about it without being judged. All that can happen to women too but, in general, I think we're at a place where a woman who says she has been raped is met with horror and empathy. I think a man who says he has been raped is often met with shock and uncomfortable silence.

I agree. It’s not a competition

Why on earth would a straight man feel worse??!!

^^
Toxic masculinity culture.

That was certainly what we found here. Which is why we opened a male service alongside our women's one.

However, it took about 5 years to get a group of men to run it, we only have women running the women's service. Even now, almost a decade on, I still do fundraising etc and 2 other women do other admin

We found absolutely no blocks to setting up a male service or finding male versions of the same support network we have in the women's service. They run in precisely the same way, are funded by the same funding streams etc

Rape is horrendous no matter your sex. I don't think it's worse for men than women, but I think male rape has more of a 'shock factor' culturally, and is seen as unusual, whereas the rape of women is seen as commonplace and to be expected in certain circumstances.

Case in point, see how a defence barrister (and the police, in their attitude to the investigation, often) will try and smear a female rape victim as 'asking for it' and how these attitudes are prevalent amongst jurors. There seems to be more outrage when men are raped and nobody tries to paint the victim as being to blame or 'asking for it'.