Sensitive - Do people believe that male rape is worse than if a woman is raped?

[Spookyseason13]

There was a soap on last night and it featured a man being raped. It was quite graphic and obviously a horrific thing to happen to anyone in real life.

It’s being discussed a lot by the shows fans online. From the comments I’ve read, a lot have either said that they couldn’t watch it as it was too upsetting, or saying how the storyline was too much, or just generally saying how awful it was.

I’m interested to know if people feel that somehow a man being raped is worse than a woman being raped.

The reason I ask is because sure I feel that sexual violence against women is fairly normalised and commonplace entertainment on TV and doesn’t seem to attract the same level of shock and horror. Often the woman is even blamed for putting herself into a dangerous situation.

What? So my rape wasn't that bad because I'm infertile and so couldn't get pregnant as a result?

Have a fucking word with yourself.

I think this is a far more succinct version of my very long earlier post. I think this is what it comes down to.

Well a lot of men think it's worse, I think.

Morally, obviously, no, it's not worse. Physically, I can see how anal rape is more likely than vaginal to lead to serious physical damage on top of the obvious mental and emotional trauma it inflicts on all victims.

Funny, I was just reading something about the play The Romans In Britain and the outrage it caused when it was new, because it depicts the Romans raping a male native Briton. Obviously the idea that invading and conquering forces, at many times and places in history, have used sexual violence to terrorise native populations is hardly controversial, and a minority of those rapists must have raped men, because some people are gay and so some rapists are gay. But the whole thing was clearly just seen as a lot more obscene and shocking than if the fictional victim had been a woman.

Personally any rape is horrific

I actually think people do think rape of males is worse. I was shocked by how little concern people on another thread showed about grooming gangs possibly operating in London and grooming gangs generally.

I was just wondering if it were thousands of boys who had been gang raped if people would have reacted differently. I actually think they would have. I think it’s definitely seen as worse if it’s a male, I do think they get more sympathy. i think all victims of rape are equally deserving, it just makes me sad that girls and women don’t seem to be granted full personhood when they are victims of sexual violence. I think for a lot of people (and I include women in that) women just aren’t as important.

It’s awful either way but it might be to do with

1. men feeling they should have been able to fight the attacker off whereas women aren’t pressured by society to be physically able to fight men
2. anal rape hurts more as no natural lubricant so it even more painful .

Yes, I personally believe it to be worse.

Poor son

I think men think it’s worse - there’s always the underlying feeling that a woman was asking for it. For the record rape is horrific. Full stop. No comparison needed.

Elsvieta
Obviously the idea that invading and conquering forces, at many times and places in history, have used sexual violence to terrorise native populations is hardly controversial, and a minority of those rapists must have raped men, because some people are gay and so some rapists are gay.

It definitely is not the case that only gay men rape men.

I know of someone who raped another guy over a drug debt as a punishment.

Rubbish. It’s the same for boys. Boys are also groomed, sexually abused and raped. They are granted no more personhood than girls. I don’t think there is the same sympathy afterwards for boys as there is for girls. There is less support too.

My ex thought it was. One of the (many) reasons why he’s an ex

Yes I do believe many people believe men being raped is worse and more humiliating

Men victims are not questioned in the same way as women’s victims are as there is nearly always a question to womens behaviour

Why?

As there is to men, they have to hand over their phones and are scrutinised in exactly the same way.

Well rape is rape

It's about power and control.

I guess anal rape perhaps causes more damage in a man or women

I was raped as a teenager. I've also had consensual anal sex. I feel like I can offer an opinion on this.

Physically, It hurt when I was being raped. It happened too quick, I wasn't relaxed so me being tense made it feel rougher. My body felt like it was trying to reject him and stiffened up. I wasn't wet as I wasn't turned on so the friction was bad. I won't go into the mental side as I don't want to open that mental door anymore.

The anal sex, with plenty of lube, with a loving partner, taking it very slowly and carefully, was still very uncomfortable for a while. I can't imagine what pain a man would endure being raped. I suppose a vagina is built for sex, an anus isn't. To have a penis forced in to the tight hole, to feel like something is in there that really shouldn't be in there, the absolute intrusion of it... Then there's the man's mentality, the manly bravado/ego/pride, to be forced into that vulnerable position, then all the 'gay' aspects of it for a straight man...

If I were ever to go through rape again, I'd never, ever, ever want it forced into my bum. Vaginally was bad enough. Rape is traumatic in many different contexts, but the pain wasn't as bad as the controlled anal sex was.

Please, I know it's a forum where anyone can reply to anyone but I feel the tight chest and shaking coming on just writing this. I don't want to be quoted or tagged if anyone feels the need. I don't want an argument or any further acknowledgement. Just wanted to offer my personal perspective having been through it. I had no support from family or the police and I really, really should have. But as a teenager, I thought I knew best that I'd be able to move on from it after making the report, so I can't speak on the differences how the police treat men and women victims.

Her post doesn't come across like that to me.

So do you think raping a child or a woman past menopause is less because they can't get pregnant? I'm horrified.

They do. Very unreasonable of them.

There are still a lot of people who wouldn’t consider a woman to have been raped. They believe women owe men sex and men are entitled to take it by any means necessary. Yes I have heard the opinion that it’s worse if it happens to a man, but that’s misogynistic bullshit. It’s bad whoever it happens to.

Not really, no. Prison rape is a source of comedy and ridicule. Male rape within intimate gay relationships is all but ignored by society.

100% this. It's impressive how many people feed into it

I’m not disagreeing with you, but female rape isn’t something that happens to the vast majority of us and we learn to live with it, like our menstrual cycles. If you are raped for the first (and any!) time as a woman it would be just as harrowing, terrifying, traumatising and painful as it would be for a man. It’s almost as if the media lens has collectively thrown its hands up and said - that’s just an unfortunate part of female life and something we’ve just had to get used to. How utterly depressing, yet unsurprising.

If you ever watch the rape scene from Scum late 70s borstal film it's far from comedy.