To wonder if charging people to attend a party is normal?

[SittingOnIt]

DC will be 5.

They are having a party in a hall. With a lunch castle, that type of set up

I have a text (WhatsApp) from the mum who invited us asking for a deposit of £5 for the Papa John’s pizza. And if DC had allergies, could we please send over the money for her own personalised small pizza?

Not a joke. But I thought it was some sort of odd text scam. Then realised it couldn’t be, as it was about the party? Same text style as the woman

Is this normal, to charge for birthday food now? Seems very, very odd!

Dessert is cake and no cost there requested. My own mum would be in fits of laughter to be told someone was hosting a party and charging for food

Obviously you are not in Ireland. The bar bill would cost more than the wedding and it is not the done thing at all to have a free bar. A round of drinks yes but anything more than that and people would get uncomfortable.

Anyway back to the disgraceful request for a fiver. When you are dropping your child to school this morning see if you can get any more info for us!

I definitely would not be going to a party where the host looked for money. It might start a trend. Worse than cocaine.

I'm very glad my DC are too old for this sort of thing now! I've never encountered someone who threw a party for their kids when they couldn't afford it. I've been to many parties of all different sorts... from just 3 or 4 kids in a house with a few games and some cake, or ones in a park with some rugs on the grass and a picnic layed out, right through to really extravagant ones. None of them asked for money (we'd have declined them if they had) because all of them kept within their budgets - whether large or small.

This is presumably either a genuine CF, or someone trying to live above her means and wanting to 'look the part' whatever that part is

I’d message a couple of other mums individually

Not normal at all and I've had 2 children. I've always paid for the parties and have been to 200s of parties. I have only been asked for money once, I declined and the party ended up cancelled. The mum who charged us couldn't afford a party, so wanted us to pay. But we didn't and it didn't go ahead. If someone can't afford a party then they should just invite their child's closest friends to the house, for pizza and cake.

This!!

Would you not just message her privately and ask her about this? Or better yet call her? It’s a really odd thing to do, and maybe she needs a heads up because for one reason or another she doesn’t know how these things work.

Height of CF’ery

Even after someone initially accepts an invite, if they can't or don't want to pay £5, they can still then decline to attend the party.

More information can simply be asked for too because it isn't a given that more money is expected, sometimes you even get deposits back.

Oh dear me, this is very cringe .
I'd assume either the parents are very poor (in which case I'd have no problem paying) or that they aren't from the UK and don't know how these things work, again, I'd just pay.
Please don't start messaging others to start bitching about them.

Never heard of this! Ever. Parents pay for the party and my kids have been to ones where they have activities or are at a centre and those that are in a park or in the beach or in a house and costs little.
kids don’t care, as long as there’s some rubbish food and sweets!

Definitely not normal. The party host pays for kids parties. I have organised and been to a fair few parties never charged anyone and never been asked.

Dc2 is actually having a birthday party in a couple of weeks its averaging £14 a head including pizza but I am paying for it for all invited kids. I won't be paying for uninvited siblings that turn up at the trampoline place although if there is spare food they are welcome to have some.

Someone’s throwing a birthday party that they can’t afford.

I agree. Judging by everyone’s reaction on here, I imagine this hasn’t gone down well
with the other parents. I don’t think I would personally be quite so put out by it. I normally give cash in a card anyway and see that as my contribution to the party and for the parents to do what they want with.

Not normal! They shouldn’t host if they can’t afford but I guess I’d feel bad for the child if mine didn’t go!

It’s not normal, but 1) if its a deposit, not a payment, will it be returned to you? 2) maybe previous experience has taught her people are fecking flakey, and either nobody responds to the invite OR kids don’t turn up OR they bring uninvited siblings to join in. At least this way she has an idea of numbers! I can see more people doing this in the future, just ask if you will get the deposit back, if she says no, cool that’s the birthday present sorted. If she says yes, you know it’s about numbers!

Wait what? Deposits are non-refundable, that's the point of taking a deposit isn't it?
Deposit is paid upfront as a partial payment to book the kid's place in. I'd be more concerned that OP'll be invoiced extra after the party if they did attend.

The worst thing about it is how she's just left it hanging there on 'deposit'. What are the actual plans? Do you have to pay more? Do you get to choose the pizza for your kid if that's the only food option? This would irritate the fuck out of me, making people go back and forth and make it much more involved than it needs to be. The steps should be receive party invite, accept, source gift, turn up. Nobody's got time for this shit.

I absolutely agree.

My point is only that I do think its cheeky to not include that pertinent info in the invitation

I hate any idea of folk paying for a birthday meal, if you choose to invite you pay
!
kids or adults

Ask whether the £5 is a deposit and more is expected?

To be fair it was always in the summer holidays but his classmates’ were spread over the year.

a popular ‘party’ was to take a bus somewhere free with a packed lunch. I think the trip out with their class mates was the treat.

Probably not viable unless you live in a large town/city with decent public transport though.

None of us had much money or room so we had widen/flex the definition of ‘party’.

At 5 - 11 quite a lot of the kids had a class party where the mum bought in a bag of fruit and crisps from Asda. The kids loved it as it was a treat and the teachers were great and really understood the difficulties parents faced.

however I don’t know what was generally normal for the time as we all had disabled children in a unit attached to primary mainstream. So in that way none of us were governed by convention.

That’s a new one!
never have I charged or been asked to pay for attending a party. Being a host you should organise the party you can afford.

sone halls have kitchens and you can buy your own pizzas and cook them there - a lot cheaper and they’re usually easier for little ones to eat than huge takeaway type ones.

Not all 5 year olds like pizza, so could be interesting. If yours doesn’t politely suggest you’ll pack a lunch for them instead.

God, don't do that!

Either speak to someone else or the party parents in person, or don't go.

I really hate parties that charge. If I’ve invited someone to something that they would give their time and bring a gift to, last thing I would be doing is asking them to chip in aswell. It’s so tacky.

That's disappointing...I was looking forward to finding out what a lunch castle was!!