To be annoyed that people keep saying how tall DD is?

[Spookygoose]

My DD is 5 next month and fairly tall for her age. I measured her the other day and checked on the WHO chart cos the amount of people who keep commenting on how tall she was I thought she must be off the chart! She’s 112cm & 91st percentile..so not quite. But I’ve started to get annoyed by people (shop assistants, friends, family, teachers) who keep saying “ooh you’re very tall”, “I can’t believe you’re 4, you’re so tall!” Etc. Maybe it’s cos she’s nearly 5 so very tall for a 4 yo but I wish people would keep comments on her appearance to themselves. She doesn’t understand that it’s supposed to be a compliment, all she hears is “you’re different” and that’s the last thing a child wants to be. People don’t say “ooh you’re very short”!

Agreed because people’s choices contribute to weight. where as there’s very little you can do to influence your height.

No idea why that makes it OK to comment about height and not weight tho.

I just think people need to stop commenting on people’s, especially children’s appearance full stop. If there’s something unusual about the way a child looks eg. Tall, short, bright red hair, big feet, tiny hands etc etc, chances are it’s something they feel self-conscious about, as kids do a lot. So people constantly pointing it out is just going to make them feel worse. Why not say, “that’s a nice dress” or something instead? Clothes are a choice. Physical appearance isn’t. Society has decided what is an “good attribute” and what’s not eg. Being tall, having broad shoulders on males, being slim, having blue/green/hazel eyes (you don’t hear many people say “ooh look at your beautiful dark brown eyes”) but the person with the that attribute may not agree and having it constantly pointed out must be super annoying. When I was a kid I often had rosy red cheeks and I HATED them. People often said “aw look at your lovely rosy cheeks”…which made them go more red cos I was embarrassed. I wanted to punch every person that said it 🤣

When my eldest was 2 I was stopped by the truant police in town. How come he wasn’t at school. !! I said he is 2 and a half. So I understand your post

My son has just turned 13 and is 5 foot 10 so gets lots of comments but is delighted to be so tall. He used to be quite average height, even a bit smaller than average so his sudden growth spurt has been very exciting for him. My 10 yo daughter is tall too. She plays netball and I always tell her how great it is that she’s tall because she’s perfect for her goal keeper position. Lots of people point it out to her but I think they mean it in a positive way and she isn’t too bothered by it

Normalise it - I was 1m82 by the age of 11. My mother was shoulders back, head up stand up straight be proud, they are just jealous.

She got ruder as I got older - when someone would comment on my height - she would usually go " my your observant!"and roll her eyes . Bearing in mind when I walked beside my mother, all 5ft of her - it did look odd!

How you react will dictate how your daughter reacts.

How tall are you now out of interest?

My HV told me not to worry if people thought my DD1 was "retarded".
They would just be assuming she was so much older than she is due to her height.
This is only 20 years ago.

But people will never stop, so you have to change your reaction to it.

Exactly. I totally agree that in a perfect world it wouldn’t get commented on, but some things in life we can’t stop or change so instead of being eternally annoyed then just reframe it in your head.

I am in my 40s and 5ft9. Not mega tall but taller than average and I've had it my whole life. DD is 5ft7 at 15 but has always been taller than average and I have always had " gosh,she's tall". DH Is 6ft3 and when we go out together we get " no wonder she's tall with you two for parents" it's relentless.

Tall me, tall kids, always liked it, never bothered by comments, none of which have ever been intended perjoratively.

If you get uptight, your daughter will get uptight. It's not the fault of the people making conversation. It's yours.

Truant police?

As it happens, I complimented a child on their beautiful brown eyes only yesterday.

Its irritating when people state the obvious, thats why.

I dont get these comments that people are just making conversation. Noone goes up to a stranger to tell them "your hair is brown!", or "you're wearing a grey jacket!" because its bloody obvious. So why is height any different?

Agree. My DD13 is very small for her age and always has been. And people do point it out in front of her… ‘Will she grow any more?’ … is she still growing or is that it?’…. Children hate having their appearance pointed out to them. And it can cause a lot of harm. We have no idea what an individual child may or may not be self conscious or insecure about it. I wish people could just find something else to say.

Why?

I dont see any difference- in fact, I would say weight is more controllable than height so really not as sensitive surely? if you are overweight and dont like it you can lose some, if you are tall but dont like it you cant do anything about it

Ive had comments about my height forever (I started school as the smallest in the class and have never caught up! Im less than 5ft)
I was taking my kids swimming a few years ago and I heard a boy ask his mum (fairly loudly) "why is that mum so small?" We were just leaving the changing rooms so I dont know what the answer was!

My dd is over 6ft. Always been tallest. The comments don’t stop ever, even when adult. Best to get used to it.

I was a tall child and it did bother me, I was told by family mainly regularly and I didn’t like it so I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. We don’t really need to comment on kids appearances…

You can’t control what other people say. It’s much easier to control how you and your daughter deal with it.

I really think intent is important even though that’s supposed to be an outdated way of thinking.

DS has always been tall for his age. He’s now 11 and 5’7”. He’s a good 8” taller than the next person in his year.

And I have in the past commented on children’s hair if it’s particularly striking (eg the colour or curls). My parents were Irish and so we’ve got a few redheads in the family. I think red hair is gorgeous especially in children. I have occasionally said to people ‘your child’s hair is gorgeous’. It’s in the context of small talk eg standing next to them in a queue and engaging a bit with the child. I didnt realise people would find it offensive, it’s certainly not meant that way!