To be annoyed that people keep saying how tall DD is?

[Spookygoose]

My DD is 5 next month and fairly tall for her age. I measured her the other day and checked on the WHO chart cos the amount of people who keep commenting on how tall she was I thought she must be off the chart! She’s 112cm & 91st percentile..so not quite. But I’ve started to get annoyed by people (shop assistants, friends, family, teachers) who keep saying “ooh you’re very tall”, “I can’t believe you’re 4, you’re so tall!” Etc. Maybe it’s cos she’s nearly 5 so very tall for a 4 yo but I wish people would keep comments on her appearance to themselves. She doesn’t understand that it’s supposed to be a compliment, all she hears is “you’re different” and that’s the last thing a child wants to be. People don’t say “ooh you’re very short”!

I think sometimes people are just making conversation, I often get told my four year old is tall- she is 100cm so below average! Maybe it’s because I’m only 5ft she looks tall in comparison to me or people are just looking for something to chat about. I usually just reply with yes she is very grown up now and can do lots of things.
Contrary to other people I don’t get many people mentioning my size as an adult.

Why doesn't she see it as a positive and a compliment? She is very young to have come to conclude that being called tall as a girl is a negative difference, especially when no doubt the people are saying it are using positive tones and smiles. Really this should be no different from a child being told they have lovely curls, or a boy being told he is tall. Not ideal, as a focus on appearance never is, but its very difficult to prevent, so I think its important to ensure DD doesn't pick up from you that the comments are not positive. I'd follow them up by saying "That person just noticed how lovely and tall you are".

People absolutely do pass comment on short children.

Just make sure she knows it’s a great positive thing, because you won’t stop the comments.. every time someone says something then just tell her how amazing it is

People are just making small talk. I have two very tall sons, my eldest is 14 and 182cm tall. My husband is 186cm and I'm 178cm. People comment on our height individually and collectively as a family, even now. If you don't want to make a thing of it, don't. But personally I would talk to your DD about how she is big and strong. It's a positive in my opinion as someone who is tall.

I am tall for a woman (6ft1) with a very tall 7yr old daughter. We do a lot of positive talk about height and I am building her up to see it is an asset and to own it. However, she is 7 and that does not mean she can brush off daily comments on her height. She hates that it's the first thing anyone ever comments on and I agree, why is it necessary? I dont care about comments that I receive now as an adult but I do remember them as a child and teenager and sometimes it did hurt. Especiallywhen the big bird xomments started! I think people should generally not comment about a child's appearance at all, it just serves no purpose, whether short or tall.

My son was tall (he stopped growing at 5’11” much to his annoyance) and the youngest in his year. It was annoying when people would ask why he wasn’t in school (because he is three was my answer). It didn’t bother him at all.
I was 5’8” when I was 11 (topped out at 5’11”). I got ‘how’s the air up there’ more often than I can count, but again the annoying thing was I couldn’t ever get a child’s fare after age ten.
I also have a DD with reddish hair. She quite likes the comments as most are not negative but is used as an identifier. She house shares with a girl who has carrot coloured hair she she RESENTS it if anyone calls my DD ginger as she feels that’s HER identity! Tell your DD to be tall and proud. I certainly never wanted to be shorter!

I am tall and hated being made to feel like a freak from age 8ish, I was so embarrassed from age 10 when I was taller than many adults. At age 13
i had to take a flight alone and my parents wanted me to have airline assistance and I refused as I was just mortified as I knew I’d get a comment from the air hostess saying she couldn’t believe the child she was escorting was taller than her. At the same age I paid adult price in the hairdresser as I was too embarrassed to tell them I was only 13 and gave them make a big fuss. People really treat tall girls like they are freaks.

When I was 5 I really liked being the tallest in the class tho

I’m barely 5’ 2”, people have been taking the mickey out of me being small for 65 years 🤷‍♀️ nothing I can do about it !

One of mine was very tall to start with. They got to about 6 and when people asked how old he was he’d say he was 8, I asked him why he was saying he’s 8 when he’s not and he said “when I say I’m 6 they say you’re so tall I thought you were 8 and now when I say I’m 8 they stop talking”. He loves being tall now he’s older but she’ll either not be bothered or find her own way of dealing with comments.

I think people just find inane things to try and make conversation. There's not much to chat about with a 4yo; how old are you? Ooo, aren't you tall? Is probably all they can think of. I would try not to let it bother you.

As an aside - I am on the 90th percentile for height and it's great. I can wear heals without being super tall but I don't feel short on flat shoes. It's perfect.

I wish I’d been told that it’s a positive thing when I was young. We didn’t have percentiles in those days but if we had, I’d have been way over the top.
Many people said it, often about me rather than to me, and every time it was as if I was a curiosity. Please, turn it into something to be proud of- she doesn’t need to grow up with the same terrible body image that I have. You cannot change being tall, like you could with pretty much any other aspect of your body.
My best wishes to you & your beautiful DD

This. You can't control what other people say but you can certainly spin it in a positive way.

My DDs are both very short. They love being the shortest in their classes because we always tell them how cool it is to be short and how special they are, just like Mummy and Daddy. Any negative vibes that a 4 year old is getting from a stranger's innocuous comment about their height is coming straight from you OP. It's only rude if YOU turn it into something it's not.

People absolutely do say ooo you are short. Throughout life. Everywhere even in business situations. Am I? Really I hadn't noticed.

All these people voting YABU are probably average height.

I was tall growing up, and I got commented on it constantly. It made me so self conscious as a child. It was until my 20s that I started to like being tall. There’s just no need to be commenting on girls appearances over something like that, whether they intend it as a compliment or not.

People really don’t give a stuff they are just making small talk. We had it with curly hair anything slightly different is a conversation starter. Chill out!

If she stays tall she could do modelling - anyone under 5 9 need not apply! Our tall teen gets scouted frequently.

Explain to her what small talk and compliments are?

Honestly it’s so rude. I’m mid forties and literally everywhere I go people comment on my height.

Just comment back on their weight.

to @User5306921 who said DD will feel awkward depending on on your response is an idiot. She will feel awkward if people keep commenting on it.

my eldest dd that was always on the tall side and then we had a very tiny dd, we struggled getting uniform for her as she needed age 2-3! Thes just two years between them and we got a lot of comments on their height difference. Just brushed it off, people are interested and it’s easy small talk. Both grown adults now eldest dd is 5.9 and younger one is 5 foot 🤷‍♀️

But comments will always happen so it’s best to reframe it.

Weight is very different to height.

I think people assume that being tall is a compliment so they're not trying to offend.

I totally agree they shouldn't make comments like this is front of them if they don't like it, and that it can be stressful and insensitive for parents too. I would just try and turn it into a positive thing. 'What you can't fix, you feature.'

Thats the sort of thing I would say. I definitely don’t mean it horribly, I mean it as a compliment!

im 5’3 and compared to my family im a short arse. It’s the family joke I’m the runt. (Meant in a teasing/banter way, I’m not offended! ) I don’t have kids but my niblings are all tall and have been taller than me since they were 10. I joke they were all put to bed in grow bags.

It's just small talk , people are just pointing out the obvious as a conversation starter. It's no different from someone saying, awww look how curly her hair is etc. You are also incorrect to say that people dont ever comment on short people, they do.

My child is mostly 98st centile so we get this all the time. It has never bothered us though. However if your daughter is sensitive around the subject, really celebrate her being tall, talk about her height in a positive way, the advantages it can have etc.