Is my 6 year old strange?

[Namechabgeforthis]

Came back from MIL’s home and I’m still seething about a comment she made: she basically said my son is funny (she meant weird funny) as he plays with dolls and has a kitchen. She asked me why he’s like that. I just smiled and said he’s caring and likes looking after his babies and he will be a wonderful father one day.

I just feel a little worried about her comments and really upset with her. Is my son strange? Did anyone also have sons who played with stereotypical “girl” toys? How did you manage comments? Did it upset you?

Are gay men generally more caring fathers and more into cooking than straight men? Genuine question, because I've never heard of that stereotype before!

My 7yo DS wears a skirt to school. No trouble from any of the other kids. The parents however…

(he is just more comfortable in it and his dad is Scottish so he feels like he’s wearing a kilt)

Wouldn’t bat an eyelid at home playing with babies etc. no one does when girls play with cars or play football. It’s madness

That’s generalising a bit. I’d say gendered toys and clothes are much more extreme now than in the 80s say and there are so many younger people, including the OP’s husband who have a big problem with kids playing with the “wrong” toys.

Next time your MIL says something, show her this:

(give it two seconds for the image to get approved…)

And which generation would that be? 50s, 70s, 90s ? 🙄

Did you check that she didn't say anything like that in front of him? And make it clear that she mustn't?

Personally I think all 6 year olds are rather strange 😂 in a cute way.

But she’s obviously inferring he’s feminine and that’s something wrong. Shes old fashioned and sexist. Tell her she’s funny for thinking men are so pathetic they can’t cook or look after their own babies.

Yes, I'd be tempted to ask your DH why he thinks it's so bad for a boy to be interested in things that are associated with girls. Is there something shameful and lesser about being female or liking things associated with women and girls?

This is completely fine. I have a DD and a DS and they shared most of their toys when they were little. They both made things out of Lego, climbed trees and made rockets with their science play set. They also both played in the toy kitchen, pushed dolls in prams and wore Disney Princess dresses and shoes.

They’re young adults now. One of them is gay and the other is straight and that has nothing to do with what they played with as children.

DS had a pink play kitchen because it was the only one i could find reasonably cheaply. Didn't lead to him being gay or a good cook.

Your MIL is the strange one. At 5 and 6 my DS wanted an Elsa doll for his birthday which he got. He also loved make up and Barbie. I loved playing with him then but unfortunately he’s more into his PS5 these days …..

It's just old fashioned ignorance. Don't let her upset you - tell her how ridiculous and outdated her attitude is. Your son is fine, all my boys had dolls, buggies and kitchens to play with when they were small. It's perfectly normal!

My brother had a rubber doll that he took everywhere with him, for years. He's now happily married with a son of his own.
Let your boy play with whatever he likes.

I wouldn't ignore her, but I would gently challenge whenever she says something. "Your views are very old fashioned. Boys and girls can play with whichever toys they like."

It's a generational thing. I remember being at school and being told off for playing with toys from the boys corner. I had to go to the girls corner or the mixed corner. I remember thinking that it was werid?! I badly wanted to touch this toy and thought it unfair that I couldn't! My parents thought it werid my kids had "boys" toys and my nephew had a doll with pram, just ignore her!

My background was in early years though in a social services setting, where multiple children had moderate or language delay. The toys used in those therapy sessions were in the majority "girls toys" simply as they fostered language and comprehension. That's not to say "boys toys" weren't used they just lend themselves generally to other areas of development, broadly speaking.
I went on to have 3 sons, two being identical twins. One of whom is gay. All 3 would play with both "girls and boys toys"

I would be more concerned with your DH attitudes, however both adults are making very damaging, comments to your son.

Probably- most six year olds are 😂.

Seriously though, my 38 year old, and 25 year old sons both played with kitchens, toy Hoovers, dolls… all the stuff grown men do once they’re independent/have families.

Why these are still seen as girls’ toys is beyond me- it’s not the 1950s anymore!

My grandparents were more progressive than this and they were born a hundred years ago!

DS has older and younger sister so played with "girl" toys and they played with "boy" ones. There were comments from other parents/nursury staff and occasionally DGP - didn't really bother them.

Then primary school with heavily gendered ideas from school staff and peers and they stopped or at least stopped out in public.

I'd be worried though if he did turn out to be gay later in life that would be a problem for his Dad and GM.

My strapping, sporty teen had a baby doll and a buggy he adored, had that Imea kitchen to pretend cook in, had a Frozen themed 5th birthday party, loved/loves musicals, once dress as a female star wars character for Halloween because she was his favourite-

Hasn’t seem to have done him any harm. He’s funny, kind, likes all the usual teen ‘boy’ stuff and hasn’t watched Frozen in a while … but otherwise all good! He can also cook, clean up after himself, and coaches his sport to little kids.
Some older people have a strange idea around gender roles. Your child will be what he is, and if you let him be he’ll be happier for it rather than feeling he has to suppress the ‘unmanly’ side of his personality.

It’s bizarre that some people think kids playing with toys that mimic adult life is somehow wrong! Presumably your child will cook, clean, run a house, parent one day…

Do not make him suppress enjoying playing with the toys he chooses.

A gay couple I was very friendly with told me they had never played with girls toys in their lives. And they´re still gay. That that was a typical heterosexual male obsession. One of them is a professional chef though.

My DS used to love playing with kitchens and he asked for a Tiara after seeing Frozen (which I got him) he's now a teen and is heterosexual with typically "male" interests. I think sexuality is hard wired that's what a Psychologist friend told me. Your DS sounds like a sweetie and it's great you support him I agree with @ThatsNotMyNameAlan whether he is allowed to follow his current interests or not will not change the outcome in terms of his orientation so it's best to ask your DH some hard questions about his attitude early. He could end up damaging your DS's self esteem if he makes him feel shame about his natural interests.