Been totally shafted

[junefrog]

I’m in shock and could really use some perspective.

A long-term friend (15 years, genuinely like a brother to me) and I agreed to buy a flat together at auction. He was abroad at the time, so I fronted the initial payment (£10,250) to secure it. We had numerous messages showing it was a joint purchase. He was moving funds and fully committed.

Out of nowhere, he’s now pulled out and is completely ignoring me. I’m left in a really difficult position legally and financially, as the auction sale is binding. He knew from the start we were going 50/50 and I didn't have all the funds to buy alone. To own a flat by the sea has been out dream for years.

I have clear proof of our joint intention and his involvement, so I know I can rely on that if it comes to court.

Has anyone ever taken legal action in a similar situation — e.g., claiming money back or losses via court? Did you have any success?

And, more broadl, how do you even process the emotional side of something like this? Fifteen years of friendship feels like it’s just gone. I'm a single parent and it's my son's future as well as mine.

Thanks for any thoughts or experiences — practical or emotional.

That’s shit but I think I would have ensured I had a signed legal agreement in place before putting up any money

It is shit, but how are you seeing this pan out now? He is somehow forced into sending the money, then you co-own a property with someone you had to take to court?

Oh wow that is a bitter pill. Can you see if you can get a mortgage rather than trying to pull out entirely? I can't imagine that it would be quicker to get the money out of him through the courts.

Auction timelines are tight though so you'll need to move quickly.

What is the auction timeline for completion? There are some lenders who specialise in quick turnaround mortgages. The auction house should be able to help you with some contact details.

I don't think you can take legal action.

Has he actually signed any legal paperwork relating to the purchase?

I have clear proof of our joint intention and his involvement, so I know I can rely on that if it comes to court.

messages?

It's not that simple to take someone to court. He is allowed to change his mind, as are we all until we sign the contract.

Is this a second home? Could you get a mortgage and let the flat to fund it for now?

This is a long term partner isn’t it op?

Can you pull out? Is there any cooling off period?

if you have Employee Assistance Progamme at work they can give you some legal
advice but my gut instinct is, try to get your own money back if you can.
And if you can’t, don’t get any deeper.

any chance he is in hospital or dead?

@junefrog this is a bizarre situation. You've been much too trusting, you needed to have his half of the deposit upfront before the auction. He would then have had skin in the game.
But forget the emotional stuff for now and focus on minimising your financial detriment.
Is there anyone else who might join you in the venture? Was it intended as a holiday home or investment? Where is it? How much is the 50% share? You never know, there might even be a potential investor lurking on here!
Could you get a loan to complete the purchase and then put the flat back on the market? You might cover your costs and even make a bit if it was a good buy at auction.
Hope you find a way through. I think you'll struggle to get any money back from this flaky 'friend'.

The auction contract is binding. You can pull out but you will lose your deposit. You'll need to get in touch with the auction company to find out exactly how much it will cost you. Very foolish mistake OP.

Thanks all. Not a long term partner, he's gay. He's been my best friend for 15 years, we're closer than siblings. I feel completely bereft, shitting myself with the legal consequences. Genuinely he was the only person I would have trusted to go into this with.

Is this the friend that your BIL “shafted”?

although sounds like maybe your BIL is a good judge of character

Im mean you have messages on a phone or email its not going to stand in court i dont think.
You should have went for a stack deck or some legal doc that as been signed via both and witnessed with a lawyer.

Edited to ask have you rang him not just message but ring.

I would suggest seeking legal advice.

What has he actually said?

I asked Grok about the legal situation and this is the reply. It later suggested sending him a legal letter that AI can write for you:

Get legal advice quickly.
This is urgent because auction sales are binding, and you could face penalties if you can’t complete. A solicitor experienced in property disputes or civil litigation can help you:
Establish whether your written messages (texts, emails, WhatsApps, etc.) form a binding agreement — they often do if they show clear intent and financial reliance.
Send a formal Letter Before Action to your friend, demanding repayment of his share or any losses incurred if you have to pull out.
Explore whether you can make a claim for breach of contract or promissory estoppel (where you relied on his promise to your detriment).
Notify the auction house or seller immediately.
Explain that your co-buyer has withdrawn unexpectedly and you’re seeking legal recourse. Sometimes they’ll grant a short extension, especially if you show good faith and financial progress.
Document everything.
Save every message, email, payment proof, and note of phone calls. It will all be vital if this goes to court.
Consider alternative finance options.
Depending on your situation, you might look into bridging finance, a family loan, or even a buy-to-let mortgage if the flat could generate rental income. This could protect your deposit while you sort out the dispute.

When it comes to money or investments first rule dont trust anyone even if you have known them decades always think twice.
I also learned the hard way.

Surely you had to prove you had the funds available before you bid at auction?

Proof of funds

Just thinking this too

I thought you were getting married? You’re not really a single parent, you have a long term partner you are marrying so have 2 incomes? Ask your partner for help?

It might be the case that you don’t actually need a written contract