I cancelled overseas work trip for my wife’s fake 'wedding'… & still made to do the school run today?

[Daddydog]

I need a reality check - exactly as the title says!

My wife and I both travel for work. October is a critical month for me — it’s when key matters need to be handled in person, ending with a major event.

Months before, she had two potential off-and-on trips coming up — one for her job (corporate, less flexible) and one for an old friend’s Mediterranean destination “wedding.”

Because her work can’t move as easily as mine, I let her have first choice of dates so I could plan around her. Her company took weeks to confirm, and when she finally did, her trip clashed perfectly with mine.

Her dad kindly offered to cover the couple of days we’d both be away, but when she decided to fly straight from the work trip to the wedding, it meant he’d be stuck with the kids much longer. He was stressed about it, so I toook the and cancelled my trip altogether.

At the last minute, her work trip was cancelled anyway — too late for me — but she still went to the “wedding.” last week.

Before she left she did the usual ASOS fashion show of her new outfits. None of it looked remotely ‘wedding’ — more pool party clothes - asked if it was a Beach Wedding? That’s when she first said wasn’t the wedding, that 'already happened'.

The next day as we were talking as she was leaving and asked about the theme of the Reception… That too 'already happened' - ages ago. This was the Post Wedding Party.

Anyway she arrives. Don't hear at all from her for the 5 days - odd - no photos of party/beach/venue.

When she got home I asked about the 'Wedding' Party. You guessed it, the party already 'happened'. In short it was your average island villa-party holiday. How silly I felt!

That I could probably have shrugged off, but next thing out of her mouth after the fake wedding was she has to in in meetings by '7:30 a.m. tomorrow' so I have to do the school run!

I said no — and nothing was going to change my mind. I never ever say no but this time it felt good! I felt I was on the side of righteousness!

This morning I wake up to her voice on the baby monitor talking to the kids in the other room. She sneaked out ridiculously early to work for her meeting and I would be forced to miss mine and do her obvious turn for school run.

The kicker? After my trip got canceled, I’d rearranged everything and used miles to turn my postponed trip into a family one! We fly tomorrow and I honestly feel so used and deflated. I know she doesn't mean to be like this but I am stuck on what to do next?

I don’t get all the hate, loads of blokes write weirdly on here, most of them in fact seem to be particularly verbose and flowery in a slightly nonsensical way.
I’ve never understood why but have learned to recognise the distinctive style of ‘man writing to a large audience of women’.
I don’t understand what swallow concrete means though @Daddydog ?

I was thinking the same thing about a few things. Its a red card 'leave him' offence if a man lied about a wedding to go on a lads holiday!

Why don't these men who seek out female spaces to complain about their wives trouble to hide their contempt for women just for the duration of their threads?

Assuming this is even real, this is the mask slip where we see you don't actually want an objective response to this scenario, since you've already decided we aren't capable of giving one since we're women. You just wanted to give us a situation in which you'd already decided we would be unfair to a man and try to get us to do the same with a woman. Clearly you don't value our views so why are you asking for them?

I mean, the situation itself sounds plausible. But it's the inability to hold off on the "u wimmin wd tear a man apart for this" stuff for 30 seconds that makes it sound reverse engineered and insincere.

Op, if it is exactly as you have described, I feel sure that she went 'dark' on you and the children during the time away because unfortunately, she was with a lover, not a wedding party.

When people go away with their affair partner, they often fall into total silence because anything more is too difficult and emotionally challenging.

How she behaved when she came back is also frequently the behaviour of someone who wants to cause a disagreement so that they can genuinely fall out with their spouse, therefore making themselves feel better about the emotional and sexual betrayal they have just committed with someone else.

OP, I’m having trouble understanding the way you express yourself. I am a champion of plain speaking, so I interpret your posts in the following way:
Your wife went through a bad time for a number of years and didn’t treat you well during that time.
She is now past that and has selective memory of how it affected you.
She lied about her reason for going away, has not acknowledged your sacrifice in allowing her to do that, and is manipulating you into doing the school run ( her meeting being supposedly more important than yours)
Your emotional energy levels are low and you can’t continue like this.
Have I got it right?
What are you going to do to change things?

Mate, you're twisting yourself into all kinds of weird shapes to understand and excuse this prat while she stomps all over you. It's a hallmark of Stockholm Syndrome.

I bet things were a lot more equably balanced and mutually considerate at first. She's slowly turned into a big, hungry ego pushing you this way and that; you've slowly turned into a boiling frog.

If you believe change can happen, it's past time to force it. Say No, take your daughters on holiday by yourself or with your dad, organise more relationship counselling, make it clear you will not be boiled!

If you've had enough already - reasonably, from what you've shared - start divorcing.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boiling_frog#As_metaphor

Yup.

Another weird sounding thread. Men are always martyrs despite having zero reason to be ie they aren’t being left pregnant, shafted through having kids ( physically mentally or financially) or on account of body clock versus career opportunities.

She went away for 5 days and didn't want to speak to her children at all?!

Definitely chat GPT , im not wasting anymore time on this garbage.

It's frustrating because in theory I don't have any problem with men being here. It's not a designated female space and there's no check in place to even try to ensure it's all women.

It's just that in practice, it's so rare for men to be here in good faith. It's almost always to correct or chaperone us in some way.

🐂 💩

......and I hate to say it but we had the best time without her picking me apart. I hate it.

It's time to get out, OP.

If you're happier without her around it says A LOT.

She sounds like a selfish user with very little respect for you.

The fuck is this bollocks?? 😂😂😂

You can always tell when an OP has used ChatGPT — the text is full of em dashes —The moment I see them in a post— I’m out.

ok everyone I think I know the answer. English is not the first language of the OP, and they are using AI to ‘translate’ what they are saying.

OP- you honestly sound like you are in a relationship with a narcissist. You are bending yourself in all sorts of shapes and sizes to justify this behaviour- my mind was doing mental acrobats reading your posts explaining things.

Like the little robot that used his own parts to mend the broken robot until everything he had was gone. Just need someone to fill my cup
And I’m out.

Congratulations. You have a husband.

People who use AI and ChatGPT really need to proof read and then rewrite.

🤢 oh please.

I have a brilliantly equal relationship. Been with my husband for nearly 25 years. Also have a child.

Luckily for me. I picked a man who had brilliant male role models in his life who were not surrounded by people who told them they were amazing just for doing the basics.

I think if you were chocolate, you'd eat yourself.

You're wife's a shit, you're a saint. She's not worthy to kiss your feet 🫠

If what you say is true, she is neglecting your children you profess to adore and are your world.

If this were true, you would remove yourself and them and apply to be the RP.

There's 2 narcs in your relationship. Them poor kids.

I'm so pleased you have a lovely relationship! Peace and joy!

This is a very peculiarly worded post, especially for a 'professional' with a high flying job.

She can only think of herself and everything is about her. She’s not to be trusted, it’s classic narcissistic behaviour. Please get therapy for you.

As someone who regularly uses em-dashes (from academic work; I also use en-dashes), I now find myself avoiding them sometimes so as not to be called out as being an AI bot.

Also there are typos in the OP ("toook" and "in in"), which AI wouldn't do. So maybe OP used a bit of help to try to be a bit more eloquent in his opening argument, if so, he then apparently messed up the text to some extent by himself.

I know she doesn't mean to be like this but I am stuck on what to do next?

Why are you saying ‘Bless you’ to posters who haven’t said anything that would warrant a ‘Bless you’? (Not that anything would warrant it, it’s a wanky expression, right up there with calling people Hun).

On the off chance that you’re genuine and are just a bit of a drip with literary pretensions, why are you so sure that she doesn’t mean to be like this? You said no to doing the school run so she’s intentionally got up early, washed and dressed taking care not to wake you, then slipped out the front door just so she gets her own way and you’re forced to do it. That sounds pretty intentional to me.

Dyslexic, like still have to use my fingers to make the L to know left from right! Getting odd here, peace