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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I cancelled overseas work trip for my wife’s fake 'wedding'… & still made to do the school run today?

112 replies

Daddydog · 21/10/2025 17:06

I need a reality check - exactly as the title says!

My wife and I both travel for work. October is a critical month for me — it’s when key matters need to be handled in person, ending with a major event.

Months before, she had two potential off-and-on trips coming up — one for her job (corporate, less flexible) and one for an old friend’s Mediterranean destination “wedding.”

Because her work can’t move as easily as mine, I let her have first choice of dates so I could plan around her. Her company took weeks to confirm, and when she finally did, her trip clashed perfectly with mine.

Her dad kindly offered to cover the couple of days we’d both be away, but when she decided to fly straight from the work trip to the wedding, it meant he’d be stuck with the kids much longer. He was stressed about it, so I toook the and cancelled my trip altogether.

At the last minute, her work trip was cancelled anyway — too late for me — but she still went to the “wedding.” last week.

Before she left she did the usual ASOS fashion show of her new outfits. None of it looked remotely ‘wedding’ — more pool party clothes - asked if it was a Beach Wedding? That’s when she first said wasn’t the wedding, that 'already happened'.

The next day as we were talking as she was leaving and asked about the theme of the Reception… That too 'already happened' - ages ago. This was the Post Wedding Party.

Anyway she arrives. Don't hear at all from her for the 5 days - odd - no photos of party/beach/venue.

When she got home I asked about the 'Wedding' Party. You guessed it, the party already 'happened'. In short it was your average island villa-party holiday. How silly I felt!

That I could probably have shrugged off, but next thing out of her mouth after the fake wedding was she has to in in meetings by '7:30 a.m. tomorrow' so I have to do the school run!

I said no — and nothing was going to change my mind. I never ever say no but this time it felt good! I felt I was on the side of righteousness!

This morning I wake up to her voice on the baby monitor talking to the kids in the other room. She sneaked out ridiculously early to work for her meeting and I would be forced to miss mine and do her obvious turn for school run.

The kicker? After my trip got canceled, I’d rearranged everything and used miles to turn my postponed trip into a family one! We fly tomorrow and I honestly feel so used and deflated. I know she doesn't mean to be like this but I am stuck on what to do next?

OP posts:
Parsleysalad · 21/10/2025 17:11

Leave her? She sounds like a selfish liar to me

damemaggiescurledupperlip · 21/10/2025 17:14

Is this a reverse?

Pollqueen · 21/10/2025 17:22

She's taking the piss

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/10/2025 17:23

This sounds bonkers - why did you let her run rings around you like that?

You should have said no to her even if it was a wedding and kept up your work trip!

If her Dad was stressing she should have eased the burden on him not you.

I do wonder if you’ve reversed all the genders though

Glitterybee · 21/10/2025 17:39

Absolute piss take. She sounds so selfish!

Daddydog · 21/10/2025 17:43

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/10/2025 17:23

This sounds bonkers - why did you let her run rings around you like that?

You should have said no to her even if it was a wedding and kept up your work trip!

If her Dad was stressing she should have eased the burden on him not you.

I do wonder if you’ve reversed all the genders though

Bless you!!

I was thinking the same thing about a few things. Its a red card 'leave him' offence if a man lied about a wedding to go on a lads holiday!

However, she thinks she has done nothing wrong and thinks 5 days of the 3 and 6 year old was why I'm upset. Not a chance, my girls are my world and I hate to say it but we had the best time without her picking me apart. I hate it

OP posts:
YesImaman1100 · 21/10/2025 17:44

LTB, she was away getting pumped, radio silence for 5 days?
She thinks you are a mug.

MrBlobbyScaresMe · 21/10/2025 17:48

Shes having you on. Do you think she coincidentally needed to be at work so early this morning to avoid any conversation about her mysterious trip?

Daddydog · 21/10/2025 17:54

YesImaman1100 · 21/10/2025 17:44

LTB, she was away getting pumped, radio silence for 5 days?
She thinks you are a mug.

I wish it was that - that I could deal with but I know it's not. You know when someone who has stupid feelings of guilt - e.g. using a proxy wedding for a girls holiday. She is the person who will never admit thats what it was but her guilt would manifest herself being cruel to the person who she feels guilty about. That's exactly where I am now and I hate it because it's the same endless cycle

OP posts:
Swiftie1878 · 21/10/2025 17:56

Sorry, this is disgustingly disrespectful behaviour from your wife. She has lied and manipulated you, causing issues with your work and your home life.
If she doesn’t think she’s done anything wrong, you need to lay it all out quite clearly!
Speak up, tell her to shape up, or she needs to ship out. I’m stunned at how selfish she is, honestly 😡

WallaceinAnderland · 21/10/2025 18:01

You made the choice to cancel your trip to facilitate hers. You didn't have to do that so I think you should acknowledge that was your failing.

Everything you say about her holiday screams that you don't trust her and you are suspicious of her motivations.

What do you actually want to happen?

sexlesshusbandwoes · 21/10/2025 18:01

You’re a mug sorry

Daddydog · 21/10/2025 18:02

Sorry again to sound so stupid

Im just not too sure what to do, she's home and kids back.

I love her so much but I feel shes really getting ill. It's been getting worse to completely creating new narratives of situations. Like her 'telling me to take the weekend off'... When in reality it was the complete opposite. The only reason why I'm not mad by now is we have long rants and arguments on WhatsApp so I have reems of at least evidence so I'm not feeling crazy - but if I show it she won't see it.

She has a ridiculously stressful job (similar to mine so it's not exactly a chilled house) but recently promotion and feel like this is a sign of something about to pop and I can't get her to see this as she thinks its me

OP posts:
Daddydog · 21/10/2025 18:04

WallaceinAnderland · 21/10/2025 18:01

You made the choice to cancel your trip to facilitate hers. You didn't have to do that so I think you should acknowledge that was your failing.

Everything you say about her holiday screams that you don't trust her and you are suspicious of her motivations.

What do you actually want to happen?

Fake wedding made me laugh but coming home and stating I am doing the 'school drop off' part is the part I can't get over for some reason.

As you say, she asked (demanded) I had to do her drop off - I said 'no' as I also had meetings too.

Why does my answer not count? Where is my control? If your partner ignored your answer and did the opposite how would you feel?

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 21/10/2025 18:10

You do have a choice. You're just being passive. You are not going to do anything, you are not going to separate, you are going to carry on as you are because it's easier for you.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 21/10/2025 18:11

Your "voice" has changed all of a sudden OP...

Albemarle10 · 21/10/2025 18:20

Well if you want to try to get the marriage back on an even keel, could you suggest therapy - possibly as a couple? Alternatively just LTB

Daddydog · 21/10/2025 18:22

WallaceinAnderland · 21/10/2025 18:10

You do have a choice. You're just being passive. You are not going to do anything, you are not going to separate, you are going to carry on as you are because it's easier for you.

Thank you, and to everyone who replied. To cut a long story short she went through a pretty horrific situation that lasted years. Throughout I walked on egg shells. How can I think about my feeling when then other person is going through hell. Like the little robot that used his own parts to mend the broken robot until everything he had was gone. Just need someone to fill my cup. Just been a long year.

OP posts:
Daddydog · 21/10/2025 18:23

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 21/10/2025 18:11

Your "voice" has changed all of a sudden OP...

It has, I need to get things in black and white so I can see how pathetic it sounds. Then I can swallow concrete again 🤭

OP posts:
RhiWrites · 21/10/2025 18:25

Relationship counselling and if she refuses to go, consult a divorce lawyer. The level of disrespect is unreal.

Daddydog · 21/10/2025 18:29

Swiftie1878 · 21/10/2025 17:56

Sorry, this is disgustingly disrespectful behaviour from your wife. She has lied and manipulated you, causing issues with your work and your home life.
If she doesn’t think she’s done anything wrong, you need to lay it all out quite clearly!
Speak up, tell her to shape up, or she needs to ship out. I’m stunned at how selfish she is, honestly 😡

You know that movie 'The Notebook'... It's a bit like that...

I have moments when I get through and she understands how hurt I feel. Takes a lot which is also a problem. Sometimes she will openly admit something she claimed never happen and why. But then it's like a reboot button and the problem is with me and conversation never happened.

I'm realising now this cannot be our life over and over again

OP posts:
TartanMammy · 21/10/2025 18:31

It's the lies that would be the kicker for me. If my dp said 'i want a 5 day break away' we'd try to make it work, but I would be devastated to find out they'd made up a wedding to make it happen.

Sounds like you both have full on careers, how much outside help do you have? Because it doesn't seem sustainable, a nanny? Cleaner? Etc. you'll both be run ragged. You need a water tight schedule and division of responsibility, plus back-up arrangements for when plan A falls through, like a kid gets sick. It can't all just fall to one person, and you need routine like X day you and responsible for school run and Y day she is, that can only be changed with prior agreement.

I can understand what might drive a person to extreme measures to get a break, the way she's gone about it the right way.

EsmeSusanOgg · 21/10/2025 18:33

YesImaman1100 · 21/10/2025 17:44

LTB, she was away getting pumped, radio silence for 5 days?
She thinks you are a mug.

Yeah... It's not normal to go quiet for 5 days.

Zoec1975 · 21/10/2025 18:33

She is taking you for a fool.she is a liar,she doesn’t contact you for five days,five days??? Not to say hi,not to speak to her children,like normal mums,then sneaks out in the morning,please stand up for yourself.there will be more trouble to come now she has tested the waters.

Cardinalita90 · 21/10/2025 18:34

Marriage counselling?