I cancelled overseas work trip for my wife’s fake 'wedding'… & still made to do the school run today?

[Daddydog]

I need a reality check - exactly as the title says!

My wife and I both travel for work. October is a critical month for me — it’s when key matters need to be handled in person, ending with a major event.

Months before, she had two potential off-and-on trips coming up — one for her job (corporate, less flexible) and one for an old friend’s Mediterranean destination “wedding.”

Because her work can’t move as easily as mine, I let her have first choice of dates so I could plan around her. Her company took weeks to confirm, and when she finally did, her trip clashed perfectly with mine.

Her dad kindly offered to cover the couple of days we’d both be away, but when she decided to fly straight from the work trip to the wedding, it meant he’d be stuck with the kids much longer. He was stressed about it, so I toook the and cancelled my trip altogether.

At the last minute, her work trip was cancelled anyway — too late for me — but she still went to the “wedding.” last week.

Before she left she did the usual ASOS fashion show of her new outfits. None of it looked remotely ‘wedding’ — more pool party clothes - asked if it was a Beach Wedding? That’s when she first said wasn’t the wedding, that 'already happened'.

The next day as we were talking as she was leaving and asked about the theme of the Reception… That too 'already happened' - ages ago. This was the Post Wedding Party.

Anyway she arrives. Don't hear at all from her for the 5 days - odd - no photos of party/beach/venue.

When she got home I asked about the 'Wedding' Party. You guessed it, the party already 'happened'. In short it was your average island villa-party holiday. How silly I felt!

That I could probably have shrugged off, but next thing out of her mouth after the fake wedding was she has to in in meetings by '7:30 a.m. tomorrow' so I have to do the school run!

I said no — and nothing was going to change my mind. I never ever say no but this time it felt good! I felt I was on the side of righteousness!

This morning I wake up to her voice on the baby monitor talking to the kids in the other room. She sneaked out ridiculously early to work for her meeting and I would be forced to miss mine and do her obvious turn for school run.

The kicker? After my trip got canceled, I’d rearranged everything and used miles to turn my postponed trip into a family one! We fly tomorrow and I honestly feel so used and deflated. I know she doesn't mean to be like this but I am stuck on what to do next?

I'm always dubious of these saintly men and their evil wives.

The stories are so extreme and sometimes unbelievable.

At least when women post they rightly or wrongly make some kind of acknowledgement that they may have played a part in ruining their relationship.

When men post it's always 'maybe I annoyed her because I loved her too much/tried to help too much.

If my husband fucked off for 5 days and didn't even contact our children, I wouldn't be agonising on Mumsnet telling everyone how wonderful I am and how bad he is. If be packing his bags quick smart and kicking him the fuck out.

She is rinsing the very piss out of you! This cannot be for real?!

It’s bullshit of one form or another.

🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭 (As the OP would say)

Why on earth do you think she doesn’t mean to be like this? She is like this, running rings round you and taking the piss. It’s abuse.

What a horrible relationship.
You are a doormat.

@Daddydog my brain is not at its best in this terrible weather

But honestly, I'm struggling to follow

Did she basically tell a series of long and convoluted lies to avoid asking "can you cancel your work trip so I can go on a group holiday?"

She's a disrespectful liar who has been abusive to you in the past. She's not going to change. You should end the relationship.

Your manner/attitude in your posts is very odd. Simultaneously passive about what you should do, but oddly dramatic in style. She's obviously very much in the wrong, but I do wonder what the relationship looks like from her point of view.

Only one in my 47 years of life.

Anyway, it's all very toxic and not good for the children. I cannot imagine living in marriage like this.
I would start towards leaving your wife.

You will never give up. This is your life forever. Or until she leaves you.

She's going to leave you eventually OP. When you treat someone with contempt, it's just a matter of time.

I'd get a plan going on the back burner for when that happens.

LTB

Tell her you're going to the clinic for an STD test. You don't know what she was doing. You have small children do you want them in harms way if you was to get sick. What is she teaching her children how to be a player and lie to your partner. Your parents now kids talk at school teachers know more than you think. You both need to grow up and take responsibility for your decisions. It will affect your children.

Did she really not call her kids for 5 days?.

As men go, I know I'm above average but the bar is ridiculously low. I feel like a freak show when I'm just doing basic things with my kids like shopping. "What an amazing dad you are!" - Why? For just parenting? Trust me, I get it daily due to my 'demographic's' stereotype.

But who (apart from me) says that to my wife? I get complements, high fives and affirmations the world over for basic parenting. Daily instant feedback that society says I'm doing great 😊I'm acutely aware it's a privilege so - dispite me thinking I'm 'doing' 50%, no man can ever come close. It's another level

I’m sorry this is happening. I stuck a marriage very similar for 23 years. It was always, ‘I still love him’ or ‘he’ll get better’. It doesn’t, and not only do the consequences of this sort of trauma being inflicted upon you, affect you, if has a massive impact on your children. I stayed to long, dd2 has tried suicide three times because of him. I don’t me 20 paracetamol, I mean 40 diazepam. You need to get away from this. You love a shell, the person you love is no longer there and you’re a punchbag.
Im really sorry.

It feels like a reverse, definitely.

I don't know what to think about the last post. Is it a reverse or boredom?

With regards to lying - There is a lot of guilt from some past events shes dealing with so it's on another level.

Is the guilt from cheating in the past?

Don't encourage him

I had to laugh at the last post from OP 😂😂

Amusing

Well this is weird. I don’t think so OP.

I'd feel that my husband had zero respect for me and sort out a life without him