To think a lot of midwives are.. just not very good?

[JackandSallySkellington]

Please hear me out.

I am SURE there are dedicated, talented, intuitive midwives out there. But AIBU to think beyond doing obs, most actually do very little in the course of labour/birth and a lot of the time seem very passive and like they just can’t be bothered?

I have had 2 babies at different hospitals. In the first delivery, the midwife ‘popped in to check on me’ now and then and simply called the doctor in to do an instrumental delivery when the pushing clock ran down. She didn’t do anything else - didn’t help me change positions, didn’t offer me a drink, didn’t give me adequate pain relief despite me asking (just kept saying ‘it’s coming…’), didn’t ask me how I was feeling in any way. Couldn’t have been less interested.

Second delivery far worse. I was admitted for induction and after a few hours found to be 4cm dilated. I laboured all night - a full 10 hours - in a cubicle on a ward and despite regular pleas that I was in labour, the midwives insisted I wasn’t. They didn’t exam me again, just offered paracetamol, and only took me to labour ward when I was vomiting and discovered to be in transition and 10cm dilated the next morning. I had really hoped for a water birth and I’m gutted my final labour was spent alone in the dark. The hospital apologised but what’s done is done.

I understand about overstretched NHS etc but my stories are not down to that - in both cases the midwives spent a lot of time milling about and chatting.

I feel like the only stories about midwives being great are when the birth was going well anyway so there wasn’t much for them to actually do.

AIBU to think a lot of midwives just aren’t really up to the job? Sure I’ll get my arse handed to me as I’m aware criticising medical staff is v controversial!

There is a very poor culture in midwifery units in hospitals. This is evident from various research and the different inquiries. My personal experience was that almost every midwife I encountered with both my children was that they seemed aloof and generally uncaring/not that bothered! Leaves you questioning why they went into the profession

They need to record the fact that you’ve passed urine and how much, I can’t remember why.

No, they can’t offer an arm whilst you have a wee because they’re probably looking after 10+ other patients, filling in endless reams of notes and documentation, haven’t had a wee themselves or anything to eat or drink or a sit down for the past eight hours.

It’s not ideal but this is the state of the NHS unfortunately.

I agree, I have one daughter and the care I received was appalling. Post natal care was amazing. But during the birth the midwives were rubbish, every single one of them. I was sent from one hospital to another, then back again for an emergency c section. They got so much wrong and I was given counselling after complaining and meeting with the head of midwifery.
Ofcourse there’ll be different experiences but I think the care in the NHS in general just isn’t good.

Sadly I agree. A lot of them seemed to have an attitude that patients were an inconvenience and a nuisance. I'm a medic and we would never get away with the attitude some of them showed, rolling their eyes etc. I had a couple who were a credit to the profession and worth their weight in gold.

I studied to be a midwife for a couple of years but dropped out for many different reasons.
I really agree with your post OP. Although I had a good midwife for the some of the birth of my baby, it was clear a lot of midwives were kind of over it? For example quite a few of them seemed to have little to no empathy, one said “well, childbirth is painful so..” just so helpful. Others just seemed a bit disinterested would be the word? Just like, they’d rather be chatting.
the students are always the best parts as they’re happy to be there and trying to help as much as poss.
when I was training, some midwives weren’t the kindest about the women. Not really bad but just like, bit rude.
having said that, some midwives were lovely! I suppose it’s the same in all professions but I think one often thinks that all midwives will be really kind and it’s just not the case.

I had a planned c-section and the night of the birth I felt a gush of blood and called the midwife. The way she manhandled me was SO rough shoving me onto my side not even 6 hours after the operation. She showed no mercy at all. I wasn’t producing colostrum either so had to ask for formula and she gave a disgusted look and asked me how much and was so unhelpful when I said I didn’t know, it was my first baby. It felt like she didn’t know what she was doing.
Other midwives showed kindness and were helpful but some awful ones slip through but it must be because they’re so understaffed.

My first birth, I would agree with you.
My third, i would disagree with you.
(Second was at home delivered via paramedics so..😅)

“Well, childbirth is painful so…”

Lol, it is though so…

I had amazing experiences either my midwives. Caring, compassionate, supportive and encouraging. I honestly couldn’t fault them. Shame to see so many being slagged off here. No other profession gets the same stick as midwifery. What a shame.

I agree with one or two aspects.

But you need to define vocation. It's only ever traditionally women's roles (or religious) that have been deemed "a vocation ", ie nurses and midwives. Oh yes, and traditionally underpaid.

Never heard a gastroenterologist requirement being a "vocation ".

I agree with one or two aspects.

But you need to define vocation. It's only ever traditionally women's roles (or religious) that have been deemed "a vocation ", ie nurses and midwives. Oh yes, and traditionally underpaid.

Never heard a gastroenterologist requirement being a "vocation ".

Oh bore off. Have you not read the experiences of women here? Do you think they’re lying, just because you personally were lucky to have a good experience? And to call it ‘slagging them off’ like this is a school canteen and we’re just bitchy and vindictive for wanting proper care while giving birth 🙄

Well of course it is but if someone was in lots of pain and asking for help, I personally wouldn’t respond with “well it’s painful so..”
just feels an extremely unhelpful and stupid thing to say.
surely a normal, kind person would say “yes I know it is. Have you tried this? Could we do this? You’re doing really well”

I e seen doctors roll their eyes at patients more than once including my daughter. I could tell stories all day long of totally useless doctors. I guess like all professions some are fucking useless, some are excellent, some are noticeably good, some are good but overworked and can’t provide the care they’d like, some don’t follow guidelines, don’t listen to patients, fob them off.

First midwife during the birth of my daughter was terrible! Similar experience as you, not listened to, made to feel silly for saying I needed to push, I ended up pushing on my own until an anaesthetist visited after I requested an epidural and got a doctor in. She hadn’t examined me in a couple of hours and told the doctor I just needed a p**. The doctor soon realised it was my baby but by then she was nearly out and I had a very very bad tear (4th degree) and ended up in surgery for two hours to be stitched up!

second experience I had a planned c-section and the experience was a lot more pleasant!

The midwives throughout both pregnancies were good though but labour midwife left me with a lot of trauma.

One of my family members is a nurse and she always found midwives "odd" (not all of them of course) and genereally unkind and lacking in compassion. She always said the first duty of any HCP or nurse is kindess and if you can't be kind then don't do the job

Thank you for your honesty, I had to have therapy after the horrendous way I was treated, I had deep depression, nightmares and flashbacks and the worst thing is my experience is not that unsual. My midwife actually mocked me when I was in labour, took the piss out of me when I was doing my breathing ( I would have lost my mind without doing breathing exercises, of course it does not stop the pain but it kept me relatively calm) she called me "silly and stupid" "not normal" and she seemed to actively enjoy my fear and panic. Very odd woman. Many years later I was on a gyne ward and got chatting to a woman in the next bed and talk turned to chlldbirth and she had had the same midwife and had been treated horrifically and like me, had never had another child.

Got to say I agree with you completely OP. When I had my son it was a total shit show. 2 midwives bickering over my bed about the right/wrong way to do something relating to my care. Zero communication when I had to have an emergency instrumental delivery. Left stuck in my blood soaked nightie (literally from the armpits down my white nightie was deep red) for hours until the lovely student midwife got me showered. Midwives singing at the top of their lungs at the nurses station right outside my room during the night. My milk didn't come in but all my notes say "breast feeding well". Community midwife who forgot to come and turns out my stitches had came away and I had an infection resulting in readmission then to be told id hady baby so needed to contact my GP in future. I could go on but you get the picture. Very much doubt I'll be having a second!

I’m so sorry. When I was a midwife I gave 100% to the women in my care. I delivered hundreds of babies, some were named after me and some were named after my daughter. I delivered my two sisters babies too because. I didn’t want them to be on the receiving end of some of the midwives I unfortunately worked alongside. There were some fabulous midwives but they were few and far between. A cluster of midwives were just downright nasty (I was bullied by them myself for a period of time) they would bully junior midwives who, in turn and in fear of reprisals, ended up being nasty themselves. The environment was toxic.

I believe I was left with PTSD after my first birth experience because of a midwife. At one point I asked for a bedpan as I needed to poo. She scoffed at me and told me it was pressure against my rectum. It went on and on and I KNEW I was going to poo on the bed and I DID. Someone asked what the stink was and Frosty Knickers looked down and said “oh for God’s sake now we have to change the bed” and then actually smacked me on the thigh like a naughty child!!!!!!! She was really rough in cleaning me up and moaned about it the whole time. I wanted to die with mortification and the young doctor squeezed my hand in sympathy. No surprised that I then needed forceps for delivery and had severe depression

That's true I guess. You get good and bad in all professions.

That's true I guess. You get good and bad in all professions.

And I have seen (luckily rarely!) my medic colleagues being rude to patients.

I hate the way unacceptable care has been so normalised.

Having to labour on an open ward with just a curtain around you after being induced, guidelines getting more and more strict about everything so women think they’re incapable of of growing, giving birth and feeding their babies themselves. I do feel for the midwives as well because the whole system is unsustainable now, they’re trying to standardise something that can’t be standardised, and both patient and midwife job satisfaction is at an all time low.

I labour silently, as in not a peep, anyway went into hospital having reported contractions and my waters going. The midwife looked at me and without doing any obs or listening in or putting her hand on my uterus, absolutely nothing, she asked 'are you even in labour?' My reply 'the head is coming out'. Less than 30 seconds later the baby was born with me standing by the bed. Luckily she did catch my lo but with no gloves on mind!
There's so much I could say on this thread but it would be too revealing. So I will leave it here. But yanbu OP.