I got laughed at in the gym and now I never want to go back

[CinnamonCrunch33]

I am obese. I always have been and potentially always will be. Over the last year or so I’ve lost a lot of weight and finally found some confidence to workout and join a gym.

I’ve always had complicated feelings around working out. I was ridiculed a lot during PE at school, the boys would make horrible snarky remarks and the girls would laugh at me in the changing rooms. I used to get changed in the showers which had curtains between them (like a shower curtain) and the popular girls would press the buttons to turn the shower on so that I would have to come out half dressed, and they’d laugh at me and make cruel comments about my body.

One thing that sticks out to me is I was really unfit at 14/15, but did the cross country anyway. My mum made me go in to do it because she didn’t agree with me skipping it. It was a mix of (slow) jogging and walking for me, but I did it. I remember saying to a friend that I was proud of myself for doing my best. The most popular boy in our year overheard and started mocking me, he made cruel comments about how I’d walked part of the course and how I may as well have not shown up. I didn’t run then for 10 years.

PE teachers used to make remarks about how I wasn’t trying and didn’t put any effort in, how I’d be better off not trying or coming in. As soon as I could stop PE lessons I did.

I was using the squat machine tonight and a couple of younger girls (I’d guess late teens) were watching me and quite loudly laughed and made a comment about how they wouldn’t even bother if they were me, and that they wouldn’t be out in leggings. They kept staring and laughing at me as I moved round my workout and I ended up leaving early to just go home because I couldn’t stand it.

I know I’m mostly being silly but it’s brought back all of those feelings of shame I had from my childhood and I just want to stop working out entirely. It’s made me feel like I don’t belong there, and like I’m being silly to have tried it.

I joined a pure gym back in the summer, I didn't like it for a number of reasons, lack of cleaning, showers where filthy, machines worn out..

Staff where non existent and the aggression I saw from members wanting to use equipment that was already in use was un real! no longer a member

What a pair of nasty little shitbags.

I’m sorry you had to experience that @CinnamonCrunch33. People like them only mock other people to make themselves feel better because they are painfully insecure and deeply unhappy themselves.

Please do not let these two bitches stop you from returning to the gym. You’re more of a person then they will ever aspire to be. The vast majority of the gym community are genuine welcoming and supportive people, no matter what size, shape, colour or age you are. Gyms should be inclusive and safe spaces. So please do report it to Pure Gym.

I know personal trainers who work at a Pure Gym. They will absolutely be able to check CCTV, and look back at what time they used their codes to enter the gym. They’ll be able to find out who they are. Hopefully they will be banned accordingly.

Well done for doing something positive with your life. You should be so proud for your achievements so far. Please don’t let 2 complete silly cows ruin it for you.

Take some time to get over this little set back then go get yourself back in there and never give in 💪🏼

I’d report them, and say word for word what they said in front of you. You should feel safe to work out at a gym without being made to feel terrible. Their behaviour was disgraceful.

I voted YABU, simply because you would be being unreasonable to let them win by not returning. How cruel and pathetic of them, I agree with PPs to report them and see what the gym’s response is. Any decent gym won’t stand for that sort of shit. Well done on losing the weight and I admire you for going to the gym, I have never dared step foot in one. Keep going and don’t let a group of bitches get you down x

I'm overweight (formerly obese) and I work out. BUT I'm 57 and no longer care what young girls think of me. I'm also a long distance runner. I used to run with friends midweek, then we'd stop off and have breakfast - sometimes a full English. One day and old bastard commented that we'd just undone all our good work. I'm afraid I bit back, I can't remember what I said but

1. Eating ALL THE FUCKING CALORIES actually doesn't negate the cardio vascular benefits of exercise.
2. We'd probably run 10K and used less calories than the fucking breakfast.

There are significant benefits to exercise way over and above the pure calories. Being fat and fit is still a whole heap better than being fat and unfit (fat is a descriptor and not a judgement)

These girls are shallow and spiteful, they are nasty bullies, go and get yourself some new gym-wear - something bright and tight - you can't work out in loose clothing, if they don't know that they've no business being in a gym - and get back in there. Give those bitches a full face look and smile. Ask them why they're so threatened by you working out!
Being fat is not the worst thing a person can be, being spiteful might be!

Actually, I've just remembered that there's a bigger woman at the gym I use. Holy shit, she lifts weights I couldn't even dream of!

Those girls were in the wrong, absolutely. And I'm not condoning their behaviour. They may well regret this when they're older and wiser

It's great you're exercising. And please remember, you have just as much right to go there as anyone else

I find some local authority gyms more friendly and inclusive than private

Please try and ignore their nastiness-our bodies are largely due to genetics. Anyone can put on weight through illness/medication. Anyone actively trying to lose excess weight should be encouraged, not made to feel bad. I'm 5ft 9 and have always been skinny-to the point of having people make rude remarks about my figure, and it hurts. If I ever see anyone mocking someone for their size I would absolutely call it out as wrong. Please go back there and if you can afford it have some sessions with a PT, weight lifting is awesome for weight loss-stick at it and I hope in the future you have new found confidence-good luck OP

Absolutely don’t give up, be proud of how far you have come and hold your head up high. I agree with some of the pp, I have found that the more basic, less flashy gyms have a much better atmosphere with people who are there to genuinely work out-not pout and pose for the social media likes. I have also found the people to be genuinely more supportive and happy to help and advise if you ask for it, maybe because they tend to be owned by one person who know what they are doing and have an interest in helping their customers succeed as opposed to just money making.
good luck and I hope you find your people.x

Fuck those bitches. Why should you leave because of their tiny minds?

OP I have been a runner for years, whenever I saw a large person out running I would feel overwhelming admiration because they are working so much harder to carry the extra weight around. Then some years ago I gained a lot of weight with illness and the memory of those runners spurred me on to get back out there exercising.

You have no idea who you are inspiring. Keep going, you are amazing.

When I read about your school days and the horrible horrible treatment you received in PE, I just wanted to give you a hug. Mine weren't as bad, but still contained similarities. It's as if school PE lessons and all that surrounds them were designed to put large swathes of the population off exercise.

I'm glad you're going to report the brats. And absolutely do keep going to the gym/a gym. Some people really love having the gym in their routine, and it works for many types of people with different levels of confidence and fitness. Whether you go back to this gym in particular should perhaps depend on how seriously they take your complaint.

But I also wanted to mention that there are great forms of exercise outside of going to the gym. Cycling can be wonderful. Sustrans and its National Cycle Network is good for finding quiet traffic-free routes that take you to some interesting places. The ones that run along canals or along old railway lines also have the virtue of being relatively flat. I think of myself as being deeply unathletic and unfit, but some of my happiest memories have involved things like cycling the Cinder Track between Scarborough and Whitby. 🚴

This made me so sad to read. So glad you posted here. I hope it gives you the courage to not give up. For me, another option would be to speak to the girls directly and tell them how not nice their behavior is. Sometimes that can feel most empowering. And it can give the kids a chance to learn a lesson that might stay with them.

Nasty little cows
You have to keep going and not give up! You've come this far and should be proud!
Sorry you had to go through that, truly awful to be on the receiving end of such nastiness.

Fuck those snide girls. Prove them wrong, please OP. Do it for you and all the fat girls that feel less than.

Do whatever makes you confident to get through those first sessions back. I wear head to toe black to the gym, this is my uniform to signal I'm serious (although this originally was to ensure I blended in as much as possible). Headphones and a great playlist, anyone can say whatever they want because I'm grooving away to my own beat.

I started at the gym exactly 2yrs ago as a very unfit size 20, I felt awkward and embarrassed, DH wasn't encouraging either but I persevered through it, finding my own way. I've found the best times to go to avoid pretty young things on the gram and old guys that sit on the machines doing f all. Now I'm stronger, fitter, slimmer and love the gym.

Teenagers can be cruel and selfish in their outlook. Their comments are a reflection of them and their undeveloped way of thinking and not on you.

While it must be devastating to have that experience, do not give up! I'm always really impressed by people who make an effort to get fit from a difficult starting point, such as being overweight.

Even though I've been slim most of my life I put on a lot of weight while pregnant and struggled to shift it afterwards. My point is that everyone has their ups and downs (and so will those girls) and it's the determination to succeed which defines us. Go back and prove them wrong 💪🏻.

Find another gym, we used to go to a run down bodybuilding gym, speakers the size of wardrobes, a motor bike in bits in the changing room, lots of dodgy looking muscle blokes with scars but they were the most friendly and helpful people we ever met in gyms, shamed it closed down.

Please don’t let horrible arseholes stop you doing things you want to do.
They must have very empty and sad lives and be riddled with self hatred to get pleasure from being so cruel to someone else for absolutely no reason.

Sorry if similar has already been said elsewhere on the thread...but as a weirdly shaped lumpy person who never looks good I am always so happy to see the variety of shapes, ages and sizes in my gym. I go for health and mental health primarily, but can't help being aware I don't look great. But that's not important and neither is anyone who thinks it is. Please don't let these unpleasant people oust you due to their own issues.

I voted YABU not because your feelings are invalid but because you were going to let them ruin this for you!!

Very glad to see your updates about reporting them, hopefully there will be consequences.

Go to pole fit. Honestly I enjoyed it and all the ladies there were on the larger side as well x

@CinnamonCrunch33 i am obese and go to Pure Gym. I’ve lost 9st in total and am still overweight but look and feel so much better.

please, I beg you, do not let this experience stop you going. A similar thing happened to me and I reported the people who were making fun of me - the manager was amazing. She couldn’t apologise enough and said a gym is a safe space where everyone goes to be a better version of themselves. We all start somewhere
the upshot is after looking at cctv the 3 girls were banned from the gym.
everyone I have met in the gym has been utterly amazing and supportive - no one understands more than them the effort and hard work you put into it
Keep going, you’re doing absolutely amazing! X

Please don't let these awful people win. Ignore these dickheads and report them if you experience this again. I'm overweight and want to join a gym, I'm sure most people are decent and just going to be healthy and minding their own business.

That’s awful, I’m over weight and use a gym full of all types and as far as I know I have never been mocked, although I have headphones and am in my own world. I have also never judged anyone else. The gym should be a place where everyone just gets one with their own stuff and not form opinions on others. I think you should find a new gym or put headphones in a that the fuck it approach, it says more about them then you!

I know it was awful for you, but please go back. Report them to the staff. And if they do it again to to you, turn and look them straight in the face and scream at them: How fucking dare you comment about me like that. You are horrible fucking bitches!" Then carry on with your work out. If they feign ignorance, pretend you were wrong, otherwise deny of play victim, again: "I heard you this time and I bloody heard you the last time. Grow the fuck up. "
Call the bitches out.

Agree that this is a great approach. Or, similarly, dropping the bit about having missed what they said, just ask them to repeat themselves, saying that they clearly thought it was acceptable so won’t mind saying it again. You can also ask them for their names and even tell them that you assume they will be happy for you to record them saying it again - because they so obviously thought it was an acceptable thing to say.

@CinnamonCrunch33 Well done on your weight loss and please keep going to the gym, or find one that feels more inclusive if needs be. People who make these kind of comments are very much in the minority. Most people are much nicer than this and/or likely just focused on their own body insecurities. These girls should be dealt with if possible by gym management but as others have said they are the ones who are small.