Page 3 | Horrified by DD’s new boyfriend

Lynz301 · 20/10/2025 11:13

LeftHandedPopcornScooper · 20/10/2025 10:56

As my gran used to say - you are a member of the welcoming party, not the selection committee.

Ooh I really like this!

HelpMeGetThrough · 20/10/2025 11:14

we know better and they need to know that we know better

I completely disagree, my parents adopted that attitude and they didn’t always know better. They still do, but I just bloody ignore them.

I haven’t and never would adopt that attitude with my two boys. We’ve advised, but never would take the high and mighty attitude of “we know better than you”. They’ve turned out quite alright.

MikeRafone · 20/10/2025 11:14

Do I just keep my mouth shut and hope it doesn’t go anywhere?

yes - but invite him round for dinner and make a fuss of him

Chiseltip · 20/10/2025 11:14

Jeff Bezos was once a middle aged, balding, fat man, who was "running a website" from his spare room . . .

This guy could become a self made Billionaire . . . . he could also become a drug dealer . . . you'll just have to wait and see.

Timetoheal4good · 20/10/2025 11:14

HRchatter · 20/10/2025 11:10

There weren’t any grandchildren
So we’re talking about fictional people that don’t exist it would’ve been 50% of a class a Cunt
Influenced for the rest of their lives by a class a Cunt.
If she had wanted to be a silly cow inflict that upon herself, there’s not much you can do but you don’t have to watch

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No words

TheSwarm · 20/10/2025 11:14

"I know this sounds terribly judgemental "

Yes. Yes it does.

You haven't even met the guy, FFS.

grapesstrawberriespleass · 20/10/2025 11:14

@HRchatter oh yikes 😂😂😂 looking forward to seeing your post later in life “my children all went no contact with me and I can’t understand why? 😔😔😔”

Anditstartedagain · 20/10/2025 11:15

LeftHandedPopcornScooper · 20/10/2025 10:56

As my gran used to say - you are a member of the welcoming party, not the selection committee.

I have never heard this before but it’s great.

MrsSkylerWhite · 20/10/2025 11:15

Chiseltip · 20/10/2025 11:14

Jeff Bezos was once a middle aged, balding, fat man, who was "running a website" from his spare room . . .

This guy could become a self made Billionaire . . . . he could also become a drug dealer . . . you'll just have to wait and see.

Ah but did Bezos grow up on a - hold my nose 😁 - council estate?

HRchatter · 20/10/2025 11:15

PevenseygirlQQ · 20/10/2025 11:12

If he was abusive to your daughter then I understand why you stepped in, if he wasn’t and you just didn’t like him so whatever reason then you were unreasonable, you cannot dictate who any one can be with

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I wouldn’t dream of dictating Who she can date that’s up to her.

But I can dictate who comes into the family.
And that’s the point, They then make their own mind up what’s more important?
And what’s important to them?
And if they’ve love their parents, we are more important than outsiders.
People have lost sight of this. You do actually get an opinion on this stuff. You don’t have to sit there and put up with any dross that your children attempt to inflict on your family.

AutumnCosy2025 · 20/10/2025 11:17

HRchatter · 20/10/2025 11:08

Your standards are very low.

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It's not me that's the problem here. Hold up a mirror. The way you treat your daughter is disgusting

WeeGeeBored · 20/10/2025 11:17

What is your daughter like? Is she going through a rebellious phase or is she a sensible person. Do you trust her decisions? She might have chosen a good person. Wait and see.

Motomum23 · 20/10/2025 11:17

LeftHandedPopcornScooper · 20/10/2025 10:56

As my gran used to say - you are a member of the welcoming party, not the selection committee.

I think I love your gran! What a wonderful phrase!

HRchatter · 20/10/2025 11:17

grapesstrawberriespleass · 20/10/2025 11:14

@HRchatter oh yikes 😂😂😂 looking forward to seeing your post later in life “my children all went no contact with me and I can’t understand why? 😔😔😔”

You see, I would know exactly why If they make bad choices, they go don’t let the door hit you on the arse on the way out.
but quite simply they don’t and they wouldn’t
I’m not going to tiptoe around keeping quiet about unsuitable candidates. On the off chance it might mean my kids don’t talk to me.
It’s far better to stop them making the mistakes in the first place then pick the pieces up afterwards
Because funnily enough you’ll get thrown into your face why didn’t you stop me?

5128gap · 20/10/2025 11:17

HRchatter · 20/10/2025 10:58

I actually completely disagree with the same nothing brigade
I made it very clear to one of my daughters that her boyfriend would never be welcome in our family and if she had children with him they would never be welcome and funnily enough her relationship with me was more important than the potential relationship with him so she got rid.
We aren’t there to be our Children’s friends, we know better and they need to know that we know better

Edited

Mm. Unless you've got your DD so conditioned she doesn't know the difference between her wishes and your will anymore, or so subordinate to you she has lost all ability to act autonomously, which is a serious issue in itself, I'd say you only have so many bites of that cherry before your luck runs out.
Most people do not rule their children with a rod of iron on pain of withdrawal of the relationship. Either because they love their child too much to follow through, or because the child is sufficiently mentally and emotionally robust to recognise the inherent abuse in this and break free.

This is why, for most people ultimatums are a very last resort, reserved for trying to avoid serious harm. Not something to be thrown around every time you see a neck tattoo.

ThisGentleRaven · 20/10/2025 11:18

Keep your mouth shut, and be more subtle.

You know your kids, of course she can do better. There are ways to make her realise someone unemployed can't pay for his share of holidays, means no travelling, no going out, no weekend breaks, no parties really.

I am assuming she's young, when she should be making the most of her life. Gently encouraging her to travel/ have fun while she can - and he obviously can't keep, will work a lot better

MissDoubleU · 20/10/2025 11:19

What a horrible judgemental person. I hope your DD is very happy and he treats her like a princess.

taralovey · 20/10/2025 11:19

My DH is covered in tattoos, head, neck, hands, arms the lot. Grew up on a council estate and still lived with his parents at the beginning of his army career.

20 years later, we own a successful business and deal with all sorts of people in life.

I don't think you can judge from a photo.

AbsentosaurusRex · 20/10/2025 11:19

Do you know where they met?

User564523412 · 20/10/2025 11:19

xanthomelana · 20/10/2025 11:06

The surgeon that put my leg back together after an accident had two full sleeves of tattoos. Thank god they didn’t hold him back in the workplace.

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He must be an absolute rarity because I've never seen or heard of a fully tattooed surgeon before. The problem with this type of logic is that you assume a rare anecdote is proof for a statistically unlikely outcome. It's safe to say that 99% of surgeons are not tattooed and 1% are. However I would not encourage my child to date someone with two full tattoo sleeves on the tiny chance he could be a surgeon. It makes no sense whatsoever.

It's like people believing that because Bill Gates dropped out of university to become the world's richest man, it means that everyone who drops out of college can become Bill Gates. So many lazy and unsuccessful people seem to use anecdotes of geniuses (Gates, Zuckerberg, Musk) as proof that the rules don't apply to them either.

HRchatter · 20/10/2025 11:20

5128gap · 20/10/2025 11:17

Mm. Unless you've got your DD so conditioned she doesn't know the difference between her wishes and your will anymore, or so subordinate to you she has lost all ability to act autonomously, which is a serious issue in itself, I'd say you only have so many bites of that cherry before your luck runs out.
Most people do not rule their children with a rod of iron on pain of withdrawal of the relationship. Either because they love their child too much to follow through, or because the child is sufficiently mentally and emotionally robust to recognise the inherent abuse in this and break free.

This is why, for most people ultimatums are a very last resort, reserved for trying to avoid serious harm. Not something to be thrown around every time you see a neck tattoo.

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As you say, you have to save this for the big stuff not dying their hair Or picking the wrong A levels
But men can undo kill people’s daughters and you have to be extremely careful who you look over the threshold. If you think you have no opinion on that and you have to be Passive, it’s a grave grave mistake

AmIinaLidlMoodoranAldimood · 20/10/2025 11:20

Newmeagain · 20/10/2025 11:12

I agree with this. I work in a professional services firm and yes, things have changed and some people have tattoos! Nothing wrong with that, but they have tattoos that can be covered up. If you have tattoos on your hands, neck, etc you are automatically disqualifying yourself from many jobs. Fine if you are Elon Musk, but not a great idea otherwise…

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My DH is covered in tattoos, including both sides of his neck. He is Head of Design for a very successful international apparel brand. Oh and he grew up poor with a single mother too!

HRchatter · 20/10/2025 11:20

User564523412 · 20/10/2025 11:19

He must be an absolute rarity because I've never seen or heard of a fully tattooed surgeon before. The problem with this type of logic is that you assume a rare anecdote is proof for a statistically unlikely outcome. It's safe to say that 99% of surgeons are not tattooed and 1% are. However I would not encourage my child to date someone with two full tattoo sleeves on the tiny chance he could be a surgeon. It makes no sense whatsoever.

It's like people believing that because Bill Gates dropped out of university to become the world's richest man, it means that everyone who drops out of college can become Bill Gates. So many lazy and unsuccessful people seem to use anecdotes of geniuses (Gates, Zuckerberg, Musk) as proof that the rules don't apply to them either.

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That didn’t happen we all know it didn’t happen

Hobnobswantshernameback · 20/10/2025 11:21

Ooh look another goady froth inducing bitchplop and run OP and people are 🎣

PevenseygirlQQ · 20/10/2025 11:21

HRchatter · 20/10/2025 11:15

I wouldn’t dream of dictating Who she can date that’s up to her.

But I can dictate who comes into the family.
And that’s the point, They then make their own mind up what’s more important?
And what’s important to them?
And if they’ve love their parents, we are more important than outsiders.
People have lost sight of this. You do actually get an opinion on this stuff. You don’t have to sit there and put up with any dross that your children attempt to inflict on your family.

Show quote history

But you are dictating…. I agree you don’t have to have anyone in your house that you don’t wan’t to, but by saying no potential grandchildren will be welcome is forcing her hand, it’s basically them or me. You would deny yourself your daughter if she has chosen differently.

It would be interesting to know why you didn’t like the partner though, it might change peoples mind on your decision