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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Time off work when your dog passes

473 replies

Arabiannights01 · 19/10/2025 20:49

I just think that I love my dog more than most humans and when it is her time to leave, I will be a distraught- mess for a while, I don’t think work will want a sobbing mess in front of customers. There should be a system where you get some kind of compassionate leave imo.

OP posts:
Zov · 20/10/2025 22:02

LouiseK93 · 20/10/2025 18:57

I think time off should be allowed but it should out of your annual leave. Imagine if everyone had time off when a pet died.

I have literally had 3 pets die in 25 years. 25 YEARS. How often do you think people are going to lose a pet? Most people only have 1 or 2 dogs or 1 or 2 cats. Most people can't afford more than that. What with feeding them, preventative care, vet bills, and pet sitting (when they go away etc.)

A few people have multiple pets, 5-6+, but to be honest, the few people I have known that have had multiple pets (5 or more - like my cousin I mentioned earlier) don't go to work/don't do any paid work... People who do go out to work (paid work,) do not generally have 5 or more pets, as it's untenable to have lots of pets when they work all day 4-5 days a week. So, very few people are going to be having time off once or twice a year (every year!) for the death of a pet! (Like some people seem to be implying on this thread...)

So all the kind of hyperbole that a few posters have spouted like 'well maybe people with NO pets should get the same amount of time off!' is moot. Because they would only be getting around 4 to 6 days off in any given decade!!!

So many harsh, unfeeling, cold comments on this thread. Hmm

YeOldeGreyhound · 20/10/2025 22:08

Yetegs · 19/10/2025 20:58

But how do you stop people taking the piss? Would they need to declare and prove what pets they have first? Because otherwise someone could be losing 2-3 pets a year! Good way to save annual leave!

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Someone up thread said about there being a thing bout compassionate leave coming in for people who have lost a baby under 24 weeks gestation.
Will bosses be asking about pregnancy tests to prove they were pregnant to start with?

People who are distraught about losing a pet tend to talk about them anyway. Them having a pet (and then losing it) would not be a surprise to those around them.

Allowing leave for pet loss wont open the flood gates to people mourning the loss of a spider in their bathroom etc, because those sorts of people will be taking the piss in other ways anyway.

Yetegs · 20/10/2025 22:10

Zov · 20/10/2025 22:02

I have literally had 3 pets die in 25 years. 25 YEARS. How often do you think people are going to lose a pet? Most people only have 1 or 2 dogs or 1 or 2 cats. Most people can't afford more than that. What with feeding them, preventative care, vet bills, and pet sitting (when they go away etc.)

A few people have multiple pets, 5-6+, but to be honest, the few people I have known that have had multiple pets (5 or more - like my cousin I mentioned earlier) don't go to work/don't do any paid work... People who do go out to work (paid work,) do not generally have 5 or more pets, as it's untenable to have lots of pets when they work all day 4-5 days a week. So, very few people are going to be having time off once or twice a year (every year!) for the death of a pet! (Like some people seem to be implying on this thread...)

So all the kind of hyperbole that a few posters have spouted like 'well maybe people with NO pets should get the same amount of time off!' is moot. Because they would only be getting around 4 to 6 days off in any given decade!!!

So many harsh, unfeeling, cold comments on this thread. Hmm

Edited
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But if you make it a legality for someone to have time off for a pet dying, surely companies would need to legally give time off for more relatives/friends than they do now? How can you allow Jane a week off compassionate leave for her dog but not Clive who’s uncle just died? Or sally whose best friend of 50 years died? Also you’ve only had 3 pets die in 25 years because they were real pets. How do you stop this being abused by people making up fake pets and cousins and friends dying every year? This is where it becomes an issue. As has been seen on this thread, plenty of companies DO offer discretionary compassionate leave for these things. And that’s how it needs to stay really. Up to individual companies rather than law.

Armychef30 · 20/10/2025 22:10

My 16 year old Yorkie had to be pts as he had doggy dementia, I arranged this for a Friday afternoon as I knew I would be extremely upset and would not need to be back in work until Monday x

YeOldeGreyhound · 20/10/2025 22:12

Zov · 20/10/2025 22:02

I have literally had 3 pets die in 25 years. 25 YEARS. How often do you think people are going to lose a pet? Most people only have 1 or 2 dogs or 1 or 2 cats. Most people can't afford more than that. What with feeding them, preventative care, vet bills, and pet sitting (when they go away etc.)

A few people have multiple pets, 5-6+, but to be honest, the few people I have known that have had multiple pets (5 or more - like my cousin I mentioned earlier) don't go to work/don't do any paid work... People who do go out to work (paid work,) do not generally have 5 or more pets, as it's untenable to have lots of pets when they work all day 4-5 days a week. So, very few people are going to be having time off once or twice a year (every year!) for the death of a pet! (Like some people seem to be implying on this thread...)

So all the kind of hyperbole that a few posters have spouted like 'well maybe people with NO pets should get the same amount of time off!' is moot. Because they would only be getting around 4 to 6 days off in any given decade!!!

So many harsh, unfeeling, cold comments on this thread. Hmm

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I know a few people who have a large amount of dogs, but they are also working in a dog related field anyway. One is a dog walker, another is a dog groomer, another I know has a lot of her dogs in TV/films and things like scent work. The latter has lost some dogs in very traumatic circumstances in the past few years that would floor a lot of people, but she kept going for her other dogs.

FastFood · 20/10/2025 22:13

I was totally unable to work the day after my dog died, but went to an off-site thingy the next day and honestly it was quite a relief to think about something else and to be busy.
But I needed that day to cry, eat chocolate and digest his absence.
He was old, he died peacefully at home so it wasn't traumatising but there was no way I was able to work.
I just took a personal / mental health day, told my boss and my team and they were all absolutely adorable.

On the other hand, when my dad passed away quite unexpectedly, after receiving the news, I honoured all my meetings.
If I'm honest, I was way more distraught after my dog's death than my dad's. It's just totally different, a pet lives with you, their presence is woven into the fabric of your life, it's a shock on the system.

This said, I don't think that a specific kind of leave is needed. I took a day off once because I had a burst pipe. A colleague who was living on a boat took one because her boat was sinking. Sometimes you just can't go to work because life happens.

LouiseK93 · 20/10/2025 22:26

Calm

YeOldeGreyhound · 20/10/2025 22:27

FastFood · 20/10/2025 22:13

I was totally unable to work the day after my dog died, but went to an off-site thingy the next day and honestly it was quite a relief to think about something else and to be busy.
But I needed that day to cry, eat chocolate and digest his absence.
He was old, he died peacefully at home so it wasn't traumatising but there was no way I was able to work.
I just took a personal / mental health day, told my boss and my team and they were all absolutely adorable.

On the other hand, when my dad passed away quite unexpectedly, after receiving the news, I honoured all my meetings.
If I'm honest, I was way more distraught after my dog's death than my dad's. It's just totally different, a pet lives with you, their presence is woven into the fabric of your life, it's a shock on the system.

This said, I don't think that a specific kind of leave is needed. I took a day off once because I had a burst pipe. A colleague who was living on a boat took one because her boat was sinking. Sometimes you just can't go to work because life happens.

Yes, sometimes life happens and you can't go into work. I had to stay home once because the person that lived above me ran a bath, left it running then went out!. Water was coming in through the ceiling and soaking my belongings.
I called the letting agent and they didn't send anyone out with a key for several hours.

Onlyinthrees · 20/10/2025 22:51

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 20/10/2025 14:43

I've given people discretionary time off for stuff like this, and for all sorts of other stuff as well, such as relationship breakdowns, caring responsibilities etc. A little bit of good will goes a long way imo.

I definitely don't think pet bereavement leave should be a requirement on employers, though. Some people would just take the piss.

I think what op wants is for pet owners to have their grief for the loss of their pets acknowledged and legitimised. Discretionary time off won’t accomplish that.

Yetegs · 20/10/2025 23:01

Onlyinthrees · 20/10/2025 22:51

I think what op wants is for pet owners to have their grief for the loss of their pets acknowledged and legitimised. Discretionary time off won’t accomplish that.

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You can’t even have legitimised time off for non immediate family members or friends. So how could it work for pets before either of those? Someone losing a close friend of many years would also have a lot of grief. Or maybe someone was raised by an aunt or uncle but legally this makes no difference in the law. So surely they would need to legitimise all possibilities of grief and bereavement not just pets? As others have pointed out, you can’t tell who will be grieving more for who, be it family, friends or pets. So while companies legally don’t have to give much (if any) paid time off for human family members of close friends, I’m not sure trying to demand it for pets is really going to go anywhere. I think companies have discretion where possible is the best anyone can hope for.

AheadOfTheCrib · 20/10/2025 23:45

I took four days sick leave - one day when the vet came out and said it was time to go, the next day to spend time with him, the day he was put to sleep (Friday) and the Monday after as I was still grieving. Unless you've been in that situation, I don't think people can understand it.
However I think it's too difficult to oversee compassionate leave for pet loss (as PP stated, there are people who would abuse this with numerous made up pets). I think a bit of discretion from a manager for the use of sick leave is probably the best way to go about it.

For the poster who claims people are just being "work shy", I think you need to have a bit of compassion and empathy. I grieved more for my dog than I did for some relatives that have passed, as my relationship was stronger with him.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 20/10/2025 23:58

Zov · 20/10/2025 21:38

But for this woman, losing her dog could have been as painful (for her) as you losing your dad. I'm sorry for your loss - but it's unfair to dismiss peoples pain and heartbreak, and how devastated they feel when their beloved dog - or cat - dies (or horse, as a pp said earlier...) Just because YOU never want any pets.

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I found it really offensive that anyone could compare the death of a dog to my dad dying.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 21/10/2025 00:04

Onlyinthrees · 20/10/2025 22:51

I think what op wants is for pet owners to have their grief for the loss of their pets acknowledged and legitimised. Discretionary time off won’t accomplish that.

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I understand what she wants, but I disagree with what she is proposing.

Firstly, where do you draw the line? Compassionate leave for a dog or cat is one thing, but what if it's a dead goldfish or a stick insect?

Secondly, there is no statutory entitlement to compassionate leave for bereavement even when it's a person, except under certain very limited circumstances (such as parents losing a child). Companies that are inclined to be generous in such situations will likely be generous when it comes to pets as well. Companies which aren't inclined towards generosity when staff lose close family members are hardly likely to change their approach when it comes to a dead hamster. So what's the point?

Bowies · 21/10/2025 00:49

It’s really hard sometimes even to get leave time off to attend a funeral, I had 1 day of unpaid leave in the same country but not local. .

Paid compassionate leave tends to be for parents or children only.

Suggest to keep back a few annual leave days each year, especially if you know your pet is elderly or unwell.

Livpool · 21/10/2025 07:58

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 20/10/2025 23:58

I found it really offensive that anyone could compare the death of a dog to my dad dying.

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Agreed!

I lost my dad last year and the grief still overwhelms me. It’s insulting to compare that to someone’s dog dying

Zempy · 21/10/2025 08:09

I gave a staff member five days compassionate leave when her dog died. She is single and has no children. That dog was her family.

FleurDeFleur · 21/10/2025 08:15

Zempy · 21/10/2025 08:09

I gave a staff member five days compassionate leave when her dog died. She is single and has no children. That dog was her family.

You're a very kind and understanding employer.

K9Mum · 21/10/2025 08:42

Pythag · 19/10/2025 20:55

Absolutely not ! Can’t believe how work shy some people are !

It’s nothing to do with being work shy, it’s to do with being distraught after the passing of a beloved member of the family. Not everyone has a heart of stone, what you may not feel, others do deeply, please don’t judge someone work shy because they care.

TottenhamCake · 21/10/2025 09:17

I don't care whether i would be given compassionate leave or not. When my dogs die I wont be going to work, i'll be calling in sick if need be.

Gagala · 21/10/2025 09:59

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 20/10/2025 23:58

I found it really offensive that anyone could compare the death of a dog to my dad dying.

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Indeed… This is where we are at now in society.

xSideshowAuntSallyXx · 21/10/2025 10:00

Livpool · 21/10/2025 07:58

Agreed!

I lost my dad last year and the grief still overwhelms me. It’s insulting to compare that to someone’s dog dying

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The loss of a pet is a different kind of grief, no one is saying it is the same as losing a human family member. But a pet is still part of the family. My cats are my family, I live on my own, no kids or husband, the cats are there when I wake up, when I go to sleep, when I'm feeling sad (they actually come over and cuddle me when I'm crying), they miss me when I'm not here.

If I just thought they were just an animal, I wouldn't bloody have them, meaning I wouldn't grieve for them when they die.

Gagala · 21/10/2025 10:02

TottenhamCake · 21/10/2025 09:17

I don't care whether i would be given compassionate leave or not. When my dogs die I wont be going to work, i'll be calling in sick if need be.

That’s fine IMO. Just like I had to call in sick the day after I found out my friend had died. What Op is calling for is something else though.

YeOldeGreyhound · 21/10/2025 13:24

Livpool · 21/10/2025 07:58

Agreed!

I lost my dad last year and the grief still overwhelms me. It’s insulting to compare that to someone’s dog dying

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Grief is individual and no one should be comparing it in any instance. It is not a competition.
Some people have awful fathers and are glad when they die.

nevernotmaybe · 21/10/2025 13:59

Yetegs · 19/10/2025 20:58

But how do you stop people taking the piss? Would they need to declare and prove what pets they have first? Because otherwise someone could be losing 2-3 pets a year! Good way to save annual leave!

Show quote history

Oh no, businesses must be protected at all costs. We do only exist to serve them after all, if there's a chance a small number of people might do something obvious that will screw them long term anyway, then that shouldn't be allowed to happen.

Original poster
Arabiannights01 · 21/10/2025 18:35

I am so frustrated with this ‘glitchy’ site - I am really struggling to go through the pages and even leave a comment!

Anyway - I have seen a few replies. My intention wasn’t to start debates about the amount of leave but I can see how this is happening. Bereavement leave for pets would be completely separate with the goals being a) to give the pet owner time to grieve and b) not make the owner feel wrong for needing time off work due to their pet’s passing.

People take advantage everywhere you go and that will always happen.

I'm surprised at how institutionalised some people sound in their current jobs. Everyone is replaceable!

The person that commenter ‘work shy,’ that has absolutely nothing to do with grieving a pet and it’s really sad that you don’t see it!

So much 💕 for the lovely comments and I am so sorry to read some of the comments about the passing of loved ones and yes - I totally agree that, that needs to be looked at too! It is so wrong that you don’t get any time off when an uncle passes for example!

OP posts: