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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Moving day ruined

84 replies

Prinajdjd · 18/10/2025 01:36

I have 2 toddlers and my DH’s sister recently moved in with us due to tragedy in the family. He took her in but as he works like crazy, I, being a stay at home mom do the care giving, the cooking, cleaning etc. Our kids are 3 and 1. We recently moved to get a bigger house. We’ve known we were moving for a couple of weeks and instead of packing he used his free time to play video games while I did ALL the packing and labelling by myself as well as 24/7 care giving of three children. On actual moving day it was pushed back to today. As my DH had meetings and refused to reschedule even though he is self employed, we had to wake up half 6 to accommodate for his schedule, as he decided it was best to leave us in the unfurnished house with no stair gates or safety measures for my youngsters. I agreed because we both needed to be there with IDs to pick up the keys from the letting agent. I instead took the three kids and I shopping. When he got back I requested we stayed back into our old house until the new one was furnished as it was unsafe and the electric wasn’t on. He said I was being unreasonable as the trip back would take too long (30 minutes away) and he had other things to pick up. He remained in a strop all day and went out at 2 after dropping as back home. He came back at nearly 9 pm, still haven’t had picked up any furniture as he claimed he had chest pains due to the stress. I told him if that was true he would stay, help me put the kids to sleep and we could both tackle the moving tomorrow. I had also only had a few hours sleep from having to pack the remaining items when the kids were asleep with no help. I felt stir crazy as I’d been going 13 hours no break and I was at my breaking point. He instead at 9 pm said he was going to take the furniture up and he didn’t want to “babysit” kids while I just rested on my phone and if I wasn’t going to go straight to sleep I wasn’t as tired as I was claiming. As things were very heated and he was adamant I was the problem, I left with the kids (apart from his sister) and went to more sympathetic people- my parents. How can I possibly be in the wrong?

OP posts:
Poppyseed14 · 18/10/2025 02:28

He sounds like an arsehole. Where is the furniture? I don't understand that bit. I'd stay at your folks until he gets it sorted out.

Squirrel177 · 18/10/2025 02:32

The only thing you did wrong was having children with the wrong man.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 18/10/2025 02:40

He sounds like a twat, and you sound like a bit of a doormat. I’m delighted you’ve asserted yourself. Stay at your parents and let him sort this all out.

How old is his sister?

Original poster
Prinajdjd · 18/10/2025 02:45

Poppyseed14 · 18/10/2025 02:28

He sounds like an arsehole. Where is the furniture? I don't understand that bit. I'd stay at your folks until he gets it sorted out.

Our old house. The tenancy doesn’t end for it until the end of the month.

OP posts:
Original poster
Prinajdjd · 18/10/2025 02:47

ForZanyAquaViewer · 18/10/2025 02:40

He sounds like a twat, and you sound like a bit of a doormat. I’m delighted you’ve asserted yourself. Stay at your parents and let him sort this all out.

How old is his sister?

shes 13 so much easier than two toddlers.

OP posts:
PflumPfeffer · 18/10/2025 02:56
  1. Get a job
  2. Choose a new home for you and your kids.
  3. LTB
  4. Be happy that the only headache you’ll have going forward will be if he ever bothers to visit the kids or gets EOW in a custody arrangement. You won’t have to deal with his shit 24/7 anymore.
  5. A long time later when everything is settled… maybe find someone who cares about you, puts you first and wants you to be happy.

What are your job prospects like? Do you have a profession you can go back to?

Monty27 · 18/10/2025 03:03

Don't know why you moved to an unfurnished house @Prinajdjd
You handed it over thinking your stuff would get there before bedtime via the pub?

MumChp · 18/10/2025 03:06

Sort a life for yourself. Job, home and a life.
Why stay married to this man?

Italiangreyhound · 18/10/2025 03:10

Your husband is an idiot and very selfish. I am sorry for you and the kids and his sister.

WaltzingWaters · 18/10/2025 03:46

Guessing this is typical behaviour for him? “Babysit” his own kids! I’d be looking at lining my ducks up to leave this useless twat.

Strawberrryfields · 18/10/2025 04:02

Do you have two kids or three?

edit Just realised his sister must still be a child too. He sounds like an idiot. I think stay at your parents a little longer and figure out if you actually want to be with him.

HoppingPavlova · 18/10/2025 04:04

and instead of packing he used his free time to play video games while I did ALL the packing and labelling by myself as well as 24/7 care giving of three children

I don’t understand why you allowed this. If this is true, I would have smashed the video game thing with a hammer, fuck that. You just packed, while muttering beer your breath while he sat and played?

CopperWhite · 18/10/2025 05:36

Is he struggling due to the family tragedy that now means he’s solely responsible for a wiife and three children instead of two?

onetrickrockingpony · 18/10/2025 06:17

Tbh I have no idea why you attempted to move in today, when your husband is busy working, when you have two full weeks (including two weekends) in your existing tenancy. Why did you think stair gates and furniture would magically appear? I don’t see any reason why your husband should re organise his working to move house today just because you got the keys today.

When DH and I bought our first house i was on a work trip abroad - he FaceTimed me from the new empty house when he picked up the keys, then went back to our rented flat and we moved when I got home that weekend…

Twiglets1 · 18/10/2025 06:31

HoppingPavlova · 18/10/2025 04:04

and instead of packing he used his free time to play video games while I did ALL the packing and labelling by myself as well as 24/7 care giving of three children

I don’t understand why you allowed this. If this is true, I would have smashed the video game thing with a hammer, fuck that. You just packed, while muttering beer your breath while he sat and played?

This.

Why did you allow that?

Ponoka7 · 18/10/2025 06:50

He's ducked out of family life to the point he doesn't even consider the welfare of your children, he sees it as something you can deal with. Stay at your parents until the house is set up. You can't do both, your children are too little. Accept any help offered by your parents and start conversations while there. This can't carry on.

Boomer55 · 18/10/2025 06:56

You’ve both made extra hard work of it with moving home. It’s stressful enough without all this added drama. 🤷‍♀️

Canonlythinkofthisone · 18/10/2025 07:22

I'm so confused. Where was the plan? If he was working why didnt you wait for a day off? Was he meant to move all the furniture all on his own? Do you have a van? Why didn't you sort childcare and planning who was going to do what. It just sounds a bit disorganised.
Also, fuck packing everything whilst he played computer games. Is he 12?

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 18/10/2025 07:25

Canonlythinkofthisone · 18/10/2025 07:22

I'm so confused. Where was the plan? If he was working why didnt you wait for a day off? Was he meant to move all the furniture all on his own? Do you have a van? Why didn't you sort childcare and planning who was going to do what. It just sounds a bit disorganised.
Also, fuck packing everything whilst he played computer games. Is he 12?

This.

he is a dickhead.
you need to go back to work and start sharing all housework and parenting.

ACynicalDad · 18/10/2025 07:32

He sounds like a charmer. But you don’t need to move on the day you get the keys. Frankly if I behaved like that my wife would be in a mood with me for so long I’d never try it again. If you forced him to move on this day because you got the keys when you have a two week overlap and he had work I can begin to understand his frustration.

TwinklyWrinkly · 18/10/2025 07:39

Why did you allow him to sit there playing games? Why didn't you just sit down too? If he couldn't be bothered, why should you?

GentleJadeOP · 18/10/2025 07:40

PflumPfeffer · 18/10/2025 02:56

  1. Get a job
  2. Choose a new home for you and your kids.
  3. LTB
  4. Be happy that the only headache you’ll have going forward will be if he ever bothers to visit the kids or gets EOW in a custody arrangement. You won’t have to deal with his shit 24/7 anymore.
  5. A long time later when everything is settled… maybe find someone who cares about you, puts you first and wants you to be happy.

What are your job prospects like? Do you have a profession you can go back to?

How can she get a job when she has two small children and a 13 year old? The childcare costs would outweigh any wages

MyOliveStork · 18/10/2025 07:43

Ouch. There’s not too much that can be said about your situation which other posters haven’t said. You chose badly and he is a completely selfish arsehole. Make plans to get support from your family and leave him.

NewHat · 18/10/2025 07:46

That would be fifty percent his cost though.

People do work and have a secondary age child, one at primary school abd one in childcare.

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 18/10/2025 07:50

GentleJadeOP · 18/10/2025 07:40

How can she get a job when she has two small children and a 13 year old? The childcare costs would outweigh any wages

Show quote history

She doesn't have a 13 year old.
Lots of people work and have children. Giving up all forms of paid work to be a housewife is a privilege. Op has a dickhead for a husband. She cannot put herself in that position.

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