Moving day ruined

[Prinajdjd]

I have 2 toddlers and my DH’s sister recently moved in with us due to tragedy in the family. He took her in but as he works like crazy, I, being a stay at home mom do the care giving, the cooking, cleaning etc. Our kids are 3 and 1. We recently moved to get a bigger house. We’ve known we were moving for a couple of weeks and instead of packing he used his free time to play video games while I did ALL the packing and labelling by myself as well as 24/7 care giving of three children. On actual moving day it was pushed back to today. As my DH had meetings and refused to reschedule even though he is self employed, we had to wake up half 6 to accommodate for his schedule, as he decided it was best to leave us in the unfurnished house with no stair gates or safety measures for my youngsters. I agreed because we both needed to be there with IDs to pick up the keys from the letting agent. I instead took the three kids and I shopping. When he got back I requested we stayed back into our old house until the new one was furnished as it was unsafe and the electric wasn’t on. He said I was being unreasonable as the trip back would take too long (30 minutes away) and he had other things to pick up. He remained in a strop all day and went out at 2 after dropping as back home. He came back at nearly 9 pm, still haven’t had picked up any furniture as he claimed he had chest pains due to the stress. I told him if that was true he would stay, help me put the kids to sleep and we could both tackle the moving tomorrow. I had also only had a few hours sleep from having to pack the remaining items when the kids were asleep with no help. I felt stir crazy as I’d been going 13 hours no break and I was at my breaking point. He instead at 9 pm said he was going to take the furniture up and he didn’t want to “babysit” kids while I just rested on my phone and if I wasn’t going to go straight to sleep I wasn’t as tired as I was claiming. As things were very heated and he was adamant I was the problem, I left with the kids (apart from his sister) and went to more sympathetic people- my parents. How can I possibly be in the wrong?

Doesn’t sound like a one off TBH. You both needed to agree a plan of action. Although not sure why you’re even with him.

Feeling a bit sorry for the 13 year old experiencing a family tragedy and then finding herself in the middle of this argument.

Moving house is stressful. You could do with either some childcare for a couple of days while you make the place small child safe and/or friends to help with the moving and/or professional movers. It was ambitious to think the two of you could do it without other support.

Giving your husband the benefit of the doubt - finish the house move and then see if the behaviour continues when there's less stress.

And do look for info / support for kinship carers +/- other support for husband and sister for the tragedy.

Sounds like my partner. We pick up the keys to our new place next week. I've been doing all of the clearing/cleaning, he hasn't done anything leading up to the move. He literally waits until the day to start packing.

He did this to me last time we moved, except I was 9 months pregnant, so could literally note help. But MIL was expecting the world from me as she hasn't seen all of the hard work I've been doing.

I would suggest leaving him at home with the kids, and you start doing the move. Alternatively, pay someone to help you

I think you needed to put your foot down and stay in the furnished house with the kids and either pay for removals or let him ferry the stuff gradually over the overlap. I think the biggest thing to explore is why you felt his (stupid) way couldn’t be challenged. If you were in any way scared of his reaction then you need to assess your relationship while you’re at your parents to understand if the bereavement is making him difficult temporarily or if there are underlying issues. if the former, I’d cut some slack but if it’s a longer term pattern of behaviour you’ve got some soul searching to do about what you want for you and the children.

Lots of unnecessary drama. I would have gotten removals quotes.
My DH often says he’s not going to pay for this or that until I show him the price!
Really he is just saying he doesn’t want to organise it.

I’m sure I’ll get slated for this. Firstly, some of his behaviour is bang out of order, particularly the comment about ‘babysitting’ the kids and for not helping to pack etc. but…. The guy can’t be that much of an arsehole bearing in mind he’s just taken in his 13 yr old sister?! And the family tragedy that’s led to him doing so, also must be affecting him?!
There should have been a clear plan to move bit by bit over a few days (and he should have taken time off for this) I’m sorry, but surely it’s a bit unrealistic to think that after a days work, he’s magically going to move an entire house of furniture, build beds etc to sleep on, and even put up stair gates, for OP to just rock up with the kids, what after an hour or so?! In the window between him getting home from work and the very young kids going to bed??! Come on…..

Ridiculous comment, if she’s a sahm then surely he’s got to go to work? What do you propose he does then?!

If I suspected this would happen, I’d have made sure the devices and games were the first thing to be packed, right at the bottom of a deep box with other things on top of them.

@Prinajdjd It's very difficult suddenly having a teenager living as part of your family. I had the same with my 12 year old brother. Moving is also a very stressfull time too. I assume his parents have passed away. He's dealing with grief, his sister and a house move. I understand you have done all the packing and childcare. Could you not have taken the safety gate and some toys etc to the new place, whilst he organised the furniture. You are incredibly stressed with everything and you are both now sniping at one another. Running back to your parents is a bit infantile. In saying that, you should have asked the sister if she wanted to come with you and the kids. She needs to feel secure not abandoned.
I hope everything settles down and your new home becomes a happy one.