To feel a bit weird about the casual use of spoon theory

[smalldogdancing]

I work in further education and share a class with someone. She has started to start and end sessions asking people how many spoons they have.

I have an invisible disability and spoon theory is a way to communicate the challenges of that to those who do not. Hearing it used in this way has left me
feeling a bit strange. I suspect I’m being a bit precious about it though, too sensitive.

Not planning to say anything, I really like her and she’s good at her job. I’m just surprised by how much it’s unsettled me. I’ve found being chronically ill very lonley in part because it’s so difficult to explain. Just curious to hear what folk think.

Yeah I get why it would unsettle you. If she was explaining it in a way that was linking to chronic illness / disability and explaining it in that way then I’d understand, but if she’s just using it to describe their basic energy levels to a group who are I’m assuming a mix of people with and without, then it minimises the message behind it and kind of claims it as a term anyone could use to describe their energy levels. The whole point is to show how someone who does have a chronic illness, their energy levels aren’t comparable to those who don’t. So I understand. Does she openly identify as someone with a disability or a chronic illness herself? I would maybe just chat to her in a friendly way and just say could we next time explain how this links into chronic illnesses? Maybe you could lead the conversation with the class explaining the metaphor fully? And then it might give her the hint that she shouldn’t just use it as frequently without the full meaning.

I think managing fatigue is a big issue for many more people than those who have invisible disabilities. We have a lot of ND in my family and fatigue presents in some of us more than others BUT even in those who are coping with getting out of bed and doing life, language to talk about energy management is useful and it provides a framework to explain what is happening for all of us. We know that DD1 has significantly fewer spoons at the start of every day than the rest of us. I can't see how it isn't helpful for language around energy management doesn't make life better for everyone.

Maybe this is part of our issue because I'm masking all day too 😂

The only people I see/hear using it now are like your colleague tbh.

This.

I am disabled and i just really dont like the use of spoon theory.

I think it simplified things too much and gives ableds the idea that you can plan ahead for these things among other grievances.

I just also think its a stupid analogy.

You have a lot more spoons than many other people do and so how would you feel if they felt you shouldn’t be using the reference.

Everyone has spoons.

Someone could be physically disabled but have an otherwise comfortable/happy life.

Someone else may be able bodied but struggle with depression, have kids who are disabled, be in a domestic abusive relationship and lost their parents in traumatic circumstances.
They will have much fewer spoons than the physically disabled person.

I don’t think it’s fair to imply you have fewer spoons than others when you have no idea of their lives.

Could you not explain what you are talking about OP? I'm not going to Google it or click on a link. If you have an issue with this theory to the point you want a thread discussing it, the least you could do it take the time to explain what this thread is about.

It's not just about energy levels, it's describing the choices and sacrifices people with disabilities have to make on a daily basis.

If it was just about energy levels it could be a tank of petrol or cup of water.

I find it cringe as well, I would prefer forks to be honest. Beans would be better.

And what the hell type of spoons are you talking about? Teaspoons, dessert spoons? And why?
Does no spoons mean nothing to stir your energy or something like that?

@Sagaciously what do you find ' cringe' about it.. I care for my mil who has dementia and this was how the dementia care nurse explained to me some of the challenges we were experiencing. I found it really useful.

This. I have a chronic illness and I can’t fucking stand it. It’s so twee and reductive and despite having an illness/invisible disability myself I immediately assume anyone who uses this phrase is probably the type who spends their life on tiktok making a disability their entire personality.

I think it's an unnecessarily twee analogy that implies that the energy is there and the same for everybody in the first place - and doesn't account for factors such as something interesting/exciting/different making it possible to both have a brief increase in energy and to continue overclocking for an extended period afterwards, resulting in negative effects upon (mental) processing, task management and potentially causing systems failures - it's also inadequate to describe the situation because it's not possible to trade, plan or pace in all cases .

But that's what you get after 20+ years - people more likely to be thinking in technical terms rather than in cafes and teaspoons.

Completely agree. As someone who has had severe depression for over 30 years, I am sick of the way the terms mental health and depression are used so casually to describe everything, and the fact so many people think any unhappiness is a pathological problem! It minimises serious mental illness and takes the very limited resources away from those who most need them.

I don’t have issues with anxiety or trauma, but I think both of those terms are also horribly overused now. I don’t think removing stigma and talking more about mental health has been beneficial at all, now so many people think they have mental health problems that the people who have always viewed mental illness as an excuse have simply had that view underlined for them.

this.

Even people without disabilities can end up with no spoons. Someone going through work stress, bereavement, burnout from caring responsibilities, illness. It's not only people with disabilities who struggle. Having people without disabilities be able to recognise what it is benefits disabled people as it can be recognised by everyone what is meant and there can be more understanding. That is if they understand it correctly, there's more to it than being low energy or tired, it is mental exhaustion that really impairs executive functioning.

Well if you are doing this, others may also be and it could be deemed an easy way to let someone know you are struggling without having to explain details they wouldn't want to share.

I think it's a bad idea for her to do this. I don't think it's actually great for kids to be encouraged to spend so much time thinking about how they feel in this way. It's one thing to help a tired child recognise that, another to try and dig for it. And especially all the time.

We’re in an interesting phase as people try to become more aware and understanding about our diversities. We are all figuring out the language and the best terms to use.

I was thinking well I wouldn’t really know. I’ve got tea spoons and desert spoons. Big spoons that I dish up with. Couldn’t say how many in total. Never heard of spoon theory 🤷‍♀️

This.

Its totally wanky anyway.

I suspect this is true, but it's also worse than that imo. There have actually been some studies done around the idea of destigmatizing mental health and emphasising mental illness as being just the same as physical illnesses.

The found this approach reduced people's sympathy to those with mental illness.

A lot of the work done around this, and things like increasing self-esteem, have had the opposite of the intended effect. i don't really understand why people keep pushing in that direction.

I use spoons. Usually in a brutal gym class and I've ran out of them near the end.

Some people do, some people have never heard of them and some people think it's a pile of shit.

It doesn't matter. It's just a way of describing something

Yes the same thing has happened as another poster says above about 'feelings' and getting children in particular to focus on this and how are they feeling etc etc

Children are turning into self absorbed introspective navel gazers (as if children arent self absorbed enough, its in their CV) instead of looking outwards and thinking about themselves as part of the whole. Its really harming children

There is room and necessity for individuality but there needs to be balance.

I first heard the phrase on a workshop for parents struggling with parenting neurodiverse children. It was said as a way of explaining and validating that there's a physical and mental limit to how much crap a person can deal with. It was a way of reassuring parents that it's ok to run out of energy sometimes. No one can always just keep going.

It's not really for anyone else to ask about spoons. I'd also say it's not really an appropriate analogy for someone without significant challenges going on so if you haven't heard the phrase it's probably a good thing for you.

I guess she's trying to be empathetic but I'd not be interested in publicly sharing how exhausting my day had been because of my child with additional needs, with anyone who didn't truly understand. Her use of the phrase does seem very superficial.