To feel a bit weird about the casual use of spoon theory

[smalldogdancing]

I work in further education and share a class with someone. She has started to start and end sessions asking people how many spoons they have.

I have an invisible disability and spoon theory is a way to communicate the challenges of that to those who do not. Hearing it used in this way has left me
feeling a bit strange. I suspect I’m being a bit precious about it though, too sensitive.

Not planning to say anything, I really like her and she’s good at her job. I’m just surprised by how much it’s unsettled me. I’ve found being chronically ill very lonley in part because it’s so difficult to explain. Just curious to hear what folk think.

Have no idea what you’re talking about

I've never heard of it.

Oh that’s interesting! I thought people would know it.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory

Surely it’s better for you if this is normalised? You have less spoons to start and likely use more in the class. You now have the ability to communicate this without being “othered”. And I thought the spoon theory was on the basis that everyone had spoons, but the chronically ill had less and it helps “healthy” understand what that might feel like - so everyone has finite spoons and so it’s a valid question to everyone.

It’s a cringe way of describing energy levels.

It has become widely used for a lot of people now OP. I think it's a useful analogy but yes, if overused, it may dilute the mesaage. I get why it unsettles you a bit.

Okay, I've just googled it.

Why does her doing this unsettle you @smalldogdancing

I was aware of it, but am not sure why you're unsettled. It could also apply to people with a lot in their plate, which is how it seems to me that she was using it.

Everyone has spoons. Some people have fewer than others.

Me neither

I don't get it

i think because it feels like oh everyone gets tired. Which they do. It’s just not the same. But yes perhaps making it more ordinary is helpful

I know this will be an unpopular opinion, but I feel as if chronic illness and disability has been co-opted to the point where everyone feels they have something wrong and that they are very, very “special”. Clearly no one understands them and they are going through life with a huge burden (sarcasm, in case it wasn’t clear).

I do feel this minimises the issues of people like yourself OP who genuinely have something they are dealing with.

I wouldn't like it either.

Saying it applies to everyone reminds me of "everyone gets tired" etc when you're trying to explain fatigue. If you borrow "spoons" you're probably not then left with worse symptoms for days/weeks later. Your finite isn't the same.

Invisible disabilities don't own spoon theory. Every counsellor, therapist and psychologist I've ever met used it. Personally, I find it cringy.

I have several chronic illnesses and I’ve never found this spoon idea much help, but perhaps it’s supposed to assist in explaining to people who don’t have chronic conditions? I think it’s an analogy or model, rather than a theory

yes also I don’t really talk about it at work, I do a lot of masking as I feel I need to cover up symptoms. I carry a lot of shame around not managing and try to hide it as much as I can as people can be a bit weird about it.

Totally agree!

Well, I don't think can coin and claim a metaphor as a unique descriptor for a particular quality of capacity and exhaustion.

Similarly, I can't understand why anyone would seek to frame the energy levels of students against that metaphor. Why are they doing that? It's not their business to ask or crowbar their pet therapy language into a standard classroom.

I never quite got the spoon theory, as I never could quite envisage the friend reacting in the way described 🙈

It’s not innapropriate in the context we are in. We encourage check ins.

I think I’m overthinking it. Been a rough week of having to remind senior management of my reasonable adjustments for the millionth time and I’m quite tired and a bit grumpy!

Going to put it out of my head :)

I have had MS for 20 years, suffer from terrible fatigue, and I can use up all my "spoons of energy" just be getting out of bed and getting dressed. I have however, never of heard of this theory and it actually seems quite ridiculous to me.

The world isn’t divided into “disabled” and “has it easy”. Spoons are just as good a metaphor for someone who has severe financial problems, or is caring for an elderly or disabled relative, or who has a serious but not necessarily chronic health condition.

One of my DC has a disability, however in more than half of situations he is likely still to be advantaged over many other children.

Isn’t spoon theory effective as an explanation because it sort of applies to everyone and therefore people can make sense of it. By that I mean everyone has a limit of what they have the energy to do in a day, for some people that is lower due to fewer spoons.

As someone with an invisible disability I don’t particularly like it, but I don’t dislike the idea that everyone has “spoons”.

I would strongly dislike being asked how many spoons I have though. Please don’t ask me about exhausted I am, just do the class. What is this question hoping to achieve?
And I would find the question pointless from an information pov anyway because “a spoon” is completely subjective. If I said 5 spoons and someone else said 1, we could be feeling exactly the same.

Everyone and their granny's dog seems to have co-opted melodrama into their lives hence constant chat of spiralling, being triggered etc etc so I guess it's not unsurprising that spoons is the next thing to pop into popular parlance. And that regardless of the reality.

Perhaps it will open people up to conditions that're not widely known about.