fathausen by proxy?

[Jugjug]

I’ll preface by saying I don’t judge people with overweight children in the street because I don’t know their story or if the child has health conditions or has to take medication which causes weight gain.
I also don’t judge people who give their kids the occasional treat obviously.
I also don’t judge people with overweight older children/teenagers because I remember being that age and inhaling sweets my friends brought to school.

Now thats been said I know a few parents with visibly morbidly obese toddlers and the parents make no effort to sort it out and hand them family size bags of sweets as a snack!
Surely there must be something psychologically deeper going on here munchausens maybe? I just don’t get it

To be fair my experience has been that the kids at my kids school who are obese their parents are obese

i have a family member who is obese her sister is also obese and their mum and dad were also obese

That’s fair enough I know a few families like that too they just all eat the same meals and stuff.

Thats why I find it weird the thin/slightly overweight parents I know with morbidly obese 2/3/4 year olds where they’re feeding the kid a constant stream of snacks. Is there something deeper psychologically going on there?
And I know for a fact people like this I lived with a woman who had a morbidly obese 2 year old shared a kitchen with her her cupboard was absolutely jammed with biscuits crisps chocolates etc.

My eldest is overweight, he's 99th centile for height and weight and at 7 is 140cm tall and in age 11 clothes. oh and I are not overly tall but I am overweight. I've recently lost 2 stone doing slimming world and due to PCOS have always been very aware of my diet and exercise but also struggle to get and stay below a size 14.

There are no bags of sweets in our house like op describes, my son was 75th centile for everything and in age appropriate clothes until after a massive seizure when he was 4. I knew he was gaining weight after that and have even SO careful with his diet. Typical day would be 2 Weetabix and a piece of fruit for breakfast, school snack is a small cereal bar, lunch is school lunches usually or if a packed lunch a sandwich on wholemeal bread with fruit and a small treat like a biscuit. Dinner is home cooked, chilli and rice, pasta in homemade pesto, mash and sausages with veg, all to slimming world recipes. Takeaway once a week and sweets maybe once a week (this weekend he had popcorn at the cinema and a hot chocolate and croissant out with husband on Saturday as treats. We've been to GP awaiting referral to paeds, neurology claim it's unrelated. Yet he eats more healthily than most of his friends and still grows at an alarming rate. His height and weight are in proportion, he's the exact height and weight of a 50th centile 11 yr old.

My daughter is 4, 50th centile for everything. Husband is normal weight and does most of the cooking too.

My niece was an obese toddler and it was solely down to my sisters laziness. My sister and her DH are slim but not food people. They eat a lot of takeaways, cakes etc but never cook anything healthy. My niece was only ever fed processed meals, sausages, chips etc. Sister also liked to " stuff" her with food before bed so she would sleep. Niece did lose the weight as she got older but developed an eating disorder. My niece would want to come to my house for dinner all the time because I cooked from scratch and would be delighted when I made roast dinners. My sister has never even roasted a chicken and for Christmas she buys pre cut ham and bacon parcels from the butchers.

Nephew on my DH side is 14 and morbidly obese. BIL and SIL just let him game all day and eat rubbish. They claim he's heavy because he has asthma and can't exercise which is bullshit.

They use food as a way of pacifying them. Lazy parenting plain and simple.

Also he is very active, gymnastics, swimming, 2-3 hours a day trampolining or in the park. He had ADHD and suspected autism and we managed his excess energy with exercise basically. Generally he'll walk to school, go to after school where he runs round the playground until 5, gets picked up, walks home, goes trampolining or gymnastics or swimming. Weekends are spent in parks, softplay, trampoline park garden again minimum 2-3 hours solid exercise. I spoke to local school nursery GP, I don't really know what else to do. I do feel the weight of judgement. He also wins everything at sports day because he's so fast and strong

Yes it was quite common at DDs pre school. Parents would come to collect their children with a carrier bag full of snack foods ( big bag sweets, tubes of Pringles, biscuits, cakes etc - all UPF) and the children would choose what they wanted - every single day.

DD had to learn very early that other families do things differently as she wanted the same as her friends (obviously, she was 3) and I had to be very firm about her only having the snacks I had brought along (fruit or bread sticks type things)

In some cultures food is love. I see it quite a lot in the Indian sub continent kids: clear your plate, kids must eat what they are given. This is as the mums feel it reflects on them personally if a child doesnt eat the food she makes. My mum was the same. Everything revolved around food. She would be aghast if my kids didn't want to eat all the time. I purposefully was relaxed about food I am lucky to have 2 kids that eat a wide range of foods when they are hungry. I do have a child with arfid.

If anyone could post a link to that documentary, id be grateful x

The trouble is a take away once a week, popcorn, sweets, hot chocolate and croissants all add up. It only takes a few hundred extra calories to put on weight.

No the hot choc and croissant WAS the 'takeaway'this week, the popcorn was his sweet if that makes sense

He also drinks mainly water, a cup of milk most days at bedtime as he has medication to take and the very occasional zero version of a lemonade or whatever. So he's not drinking excess calories either

Takeaway/eating out I suppose it should say. He had breakfast out with his dad while his sister was at a drama club

I have food issues due to my upbringing. I am very overweight and often feel helpless against it.
My child, however, is the opposite. He is now 4 and has a very sensible outlook on food. Sensible portion sizes, he eats almost all fruit and vegetables. He is offered the occasional snack but these are homemade and healthy. I follow Little Lou Bakes on Instagram. Her recipes are simple plus due to the low sugar, his appetite has changed. He would sometimes have a cupcake at nursery on someone's birthday but the icing is too sweet so he avoids that now. He's been taught in Reception about healthy eating and moderation.

I love him too much to disregard his health because of my issues. It is completely hypocritical and I need to do better and work on myself. I need to treat myself as he is treated.
When I first became a parent I was a little unsure but I did my research and found what suited him. How to Wean Your Baby by Charlotte Stirling Reed is excellent and I'd highly recommend it.

Today specifically he had 2 Weetabix and a an apple for breakfast, lunch was school dinners which I've just checked was a roll with chicken in tomato veg sauce and a plum. Dinner was veg pasta with grated cheese, He'll have a cup of milk and a banana maybe at bedtime, sometimes just the milk, sometimes a cream cracker and a slice of cheese. I'd be very surprised if he's over consuming calories and he's definitely not sedentary. As I say we've got a paediatric referral but the school nurse was very surprised when she called in P1 and instead of defensiveness she got pleas for help.

Definitely noone is meeting him from school with a massive bag of sweets, I often meet him with watermelon or apple and and grape slices.

It does sound odd he is on 99th percentile with that diet. My daughter is 10 and a similar height and she’s quite tall in her class. What weight is your boy? I think it’s interesting that the weight gain started shooting up after the seizure and would also wonder if it’s connected. Def no thyroid issues?

when you say he’s not sedentary, how much does he move around?

for comparison, because they are similar height (mine is 142cm) my daughter usually eats 2 crumpets for breakfast with fresh orange juice. For lunch it’s school dinners like roast dinner, pasta, chicken curry, sandwich or something less healthy like a beef burger on a Friday. Weekend lunches are a cheese wrap with tomatoes, cucumber, fruit and a yoghurt. For tea she usually has spaghetti bolognaise, fajitas, pizza, stew, etc. I would say the school dinner portions are quite small and at home she eats a smaller plate than the rest of us and always stops when she’s full. She often has a little treat each day like a freddo, cookie or hot chocolate and we have the odd takeaway or maccys prob once a fortnight. So I think your son’s diet is probably healthier unless he’s having giant portions. My daughter plays 2 sports though and does at least one hour of out of school sports 6 days a week. She’s just over 5 stone I think. I am small though and her dad is not overweight

He's 38kg last time I weighed him, I don't know is the answer on thyroid etc, hopefully paediatrics can shed some light.

When I say not sedentary he walks 15 mins to and from school, 3 afternoons he has after school where he spends 2 hours doing outdoor or sports hall games (very rarely he'll do a craft, typically he runs solidly for 2 hours) one for those evenings he goes trampolining for an hour after pickup, the 2 afternoons he doesn't go to after school he goes to gymnastics for an hour 1 afternoon then a run in the park after for an hour, the. Other is either trampolining again or swimming. Weekends we do a morning activity like trampolining or swimming then an afternoon activity like a park walk with the dog or a bike ride both a couple of hours. Sometimes if weathers bad it's softplay. But we're talking 2-3 hours exercise most days. When in the house he doesn't sit either, he bolts round the place and does yoga and stretching videos or dance parties.

He wins everything at sports day, he's very fast and very strong.

The reason I know it's 2-3 hours a day exercise he does is because he has suspected ADHD we literally worked out how much exercise he needs to both function and sleep.

Definitely not sedentary then. I hope you get answers from the paeds soon

I have wondered, with boys especially, if their mothers bung them all that food (and it has been mothers giving them doughnuts or family size bags of crisps at pick-up) that, perhaps unconsciously, they are ensuring that their sons will not be out playing football with their mates, and are unlikely ever to leave them.

I’d say definitely something else going on then. Good luck with it all.

I've dealt with family saying I was obsessive/restrictive for giving my kids healthy food. They would give their kids sweets (full bags of Skittles, ice cream, Haribo) every day as a matter of course - after school snack, playground, whatever. And their kids have weight problems. But it's just a question of what is normal to them. They think I am mistreating my kids by not doing that for my children.

I think it was "Junk Food Kids: Who's to Blame" (full episodes available on YouTube). I can find two episodes but neither seems to have that particular child in it. It's possible there was a third that has disappeared in the 18mths since I watched it. The other two episodes are still fascinating though.

I also watched "The Babies Addicted to Fast Food" around the same time which is also well worth a watch.

Oh people like this absolutely do my head. Making a big deal out of you not wanting to partake in giving your young child a share bag of haribos a day. Undermines you as a parent too