DP upset with me after I made a comment about money - AIBU

[greyleopards]

DP earns a decent income but doesn’t really have any savings. To be fair, he’s had a few unexpected expenses lately, so saving has been difficult for him. I’m not too worried about how he spends his money as we don’t live together or share finances yet. He’s asked to borrow money a couple of times recently, not a huge amount, £20 or so. The last time was on Monday when he asked if he could borrow £30 until payday on Friday. I didn’t mind because he always pays me back quickly. But he annoyed me tonight.

He bought something for his house (I won’t say what) but it was the wrong item, so now he has to order a different one. It’s too late to return it. I suggested he try and sell it on Facebook Marketplace or somewhere to try and get some of his money back. His reply was “what’s the point it was only £20”. I said he could sell it for a tenner and he came back with “a tenner is nothing”. So I replied, "well, it is when you've got no money” … now he's not talking to me. Was I wrong / horrible?

Totally taking you and your handouts for granted. He's in the wrong. 🚩🚩

Don’t marry this one.

I’d be wary of someone who was so short they needed to borrow £20 until payday. If he has a decent income where’s it all going?

I agree with the PP.

A grown up man on a decent income who can't put his hands on £20 - doesn't sound like a good investment for your future OP.

No, I don't think you are wrong at all, when he is regularly borrowing amounts not far from this.

I think if you had massively had a go at him about it, verbally humiliated him etc that would have been wrong. But just to give him sensible advice, no.

I recently bought a flat and am consequently in a similar position to what it sounds like your partner is in, where I have to think carefully about even a small spend. And thus I am selling stuff where I can -- because my finances are dictating that I be very careful. It's only sensible.

Yeah, you don't own him and you can't insist he does it. But it's reasonable to opine that it would be sensible.

(I feel a bit similar about one of my female best friends. I love her like a sister, often lend her money. And similarly she does pay it back quickly as soon as she can. But I often feel an urge to comment when I think she is being a bit silly with money - because I love her, as much as anything else! As much as she doesn't always follow my suggestions, she doesn't sulk when I make them - she knows it comes from a place of care!).

I'm taking a stab in the dark here, but is he also a video gamer?

Anyone asking to borrow money would put me off instantly.

Well, that should be the last time he borrows from you. If these amounts are 'nothing', he'll be able to easily get his hands on them from someone else.

Did you lend him the £30 before he took the hump?

He’s irresponsible . People asking for money tick me off .

He seems to be very cavalier about wasting money!

Why is he borrowing £20 off you if he’s got a job? That, and his attitude, would be too much for me

I’m sorry but an adult who doesn’t have £20 to his name is not boyfriend material, he should be ashamed to be taking bail outs from you but not making efforts to not waste money. What a nightmare life you’d have going out with him. Get rid!

If you want to stay with him and think this is down to unexpected expenses fair enough, but I’d be keeping a really close eye to see how he’s handling his finances and how real these “unexpected expenses” are.

A grown man with a decent income asking to borrow £20 here and there + having that attitude towards money is a massive red flag.

His attitude is the red flag. I suspect he will always have money issues

My face reading this...

He makes good money yet can't put hands on £20 ...

Buys crap he doesnt need when he doesnt have money?

THEN cant be arsed to recoup cash despite owing you money?

No no and no....

I would have NO future with this man. Neither should you.
Healthy able bodied men who cannot support themselves have no business marrying or having children.

Don't ever move in with him.

@greyleopards
I think that a single man, in work , who isn’t supporting others, shouldn’t need to borrow £20.

Bad with money and grumpy. He’s not much of a catch.

Quite!

… we don’t live together or share finances yet

I strongly suggest you keep it this way. This man is not marriage or even living-together material.

Never hitch your wagon to someone who doesn’t share your attitude to money and financial management. And stop lending him money - at some point he’ll stop playing you back….. because ”it’s only £10…20…50…”.

I'd expect anyone single and earning decent money to never need to borrow 20. At the very least, I'd expect them to have a credit card to deal with a temporary cash flow situation.

Tbh the "now he's not talking to me" is as much of a red flag to me as being crap with money. How childish. If you upset him he should have explained why, not just sulked (because he knows you're right)

Cast this one back!

No you weren't, but why are you with this absolute loser?

Running out of money to the extent you can't access £30 is dire. What's attractive about him?

Also what do you mean you don't share finances "yet". You're considering merging your finances with someone who regularly is on his absolute arse?

Are you mad!

Get your money back and dump him.