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Original poster

Partner past

92 replies

Whattodo37 · 15/10/2025 09:36

Hello

From early on when chatting if we wanted kids or if we were regretful not having them before (with past partner), partner told me him and his ex had a happy accident which was years before breaking up and had no baring on them breaking up. He then said after I asked questions, that it was unexpected and unplanned and although he doesn't ever wish the death of a child, hes glad he doesnt have kids with his ex as relationship wasn't right. He said losing baby pushed them away and when he first spoke about it, with me, he got upset. He said pregnany happened 2017, and he didn't know she was doing a pregnancy test. She came in bedroom with test and was crying, ie she wasn't happy. He then said she bought more tests as they weren't going to believe one test seeing as they weren't even trying.

He has always said that was it... he said she was only 5 weeks pregnant and only got to 8 week mark before miscarrying. He said only her parents knew as she started bleeding when visiting them and had to go to hospital (he wasn't with her, her parents live down south). He then said when she came back home she got a scan to confirm pregnancy loss as hospital down south said it was likely. He said he didn't go to this scan as he was working and she wanted to go alone.

He has since told me that he did go to a scan and it was a scan at the very very beginning (5/6 weeks) to confirm pregnancy. He said it was an early one as 12 week scan was too far away and he couldn't see anything on scan and no print out was given.

My question? Is he lying? He always said he went to no scan and now he has, he said he was upset thinking back because of hosw upset ex was and that he is "empathetic". Also, I think hes lying because you can't get early scan at 5/6 weeks on nhs esp not for "let's just confirm your pregnant", also, he said totally unplanned and they were always careful, what are the chances he was the 0.091% where contraception fails?

He said they never spoke of it again and they didn't ever talk about having kids or certainly trying. They were together 9 years. No engagement, no children. Would you believe him? I hate being lied to.

Basically im asking if 1) she was alot further along, 2) baby was actually planned and 3) he was upset as it was what he wanted with her... kids, everything etc.

I hate being lied to esp when he says our pregnany (im 14 weeks) is all 1st and new to him and hes never experienced this before... ie feelings, chat about maternity pay/leave, seeing 12 week scan...

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 15/10/2025 09:37

It sounds like you don't trust him, why is that?

Original poster
Whattodo37 · 15/10/2025 09:37

I know his past is his past but I hate being lied to. He said he didn't tell me about him going to scan as I would kick off so he told white lie for easy life. What if the rest is all white lies.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 15/10/2025 09:39

Why does he need to lie about it? I don't understand why you'd care, draw a line under it - its his past

Largestlegocollectionever · 15/10/2025 09:41

Unless you have huge other issues with him, for your own sake I’d let this go and enjoy your pregnancy.
Honestly none of this really matters and you’ll never know 100% all you’ll do is keep upsetting yourself and drive a wedge between you two and not enjoy your pregnancy as you won’t leave this be.

Original poster
Whattodo37 · 15/10/2025 09:41

Because you cant get early scan 5/6 weeks to confirm pregnancy. Why would they scan her with bleeding between 5/8 weeks, surely its maybe a loss and too early to tell so wait and see and then a scan again back home to confirm miscarriage? 3 scans for a pregnancy under 8 weeks the NHS simply dont do that. That's what im getting at.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whattodo37 · 15/10/2025 09:42

I have caught him telling white lies about his past. I dint want this being another.

OP posts:
Loadsapandas · 15/10/2025 09:54

You can get NHS scans at 5/6 weeks especially if you think you might be further along. I’ve had a few.

Why do you even care about this?
If he’s told lies in the past he is a liar that you cannot trust. Hunting for more lies won’t change that.

Original poster
Whattodo37 · 15/10/2025 09:55

Yes but then scan for bleeding (so early on?) And then scan to confirm miscarriage (so early on?). The nhs dont offer that for under 8 weeks.

OP posts:
motherlandtrouble · 15/10/2025 09:57

I had NHS scans for bleeding at 6 and 8 weeks after a previous MMC.

I don’t think this obsession about your OH’s past is healthy, OP.

Thepeopleversuswork · 15/10/2025 09:57

You’re overthinking this based on what you’ve said here. It was eight years ago, he very likely doesn’t remember the details.

Unless you have other reasons to distrust him I would let this go.

ThatSpryShaker · 15/10/2025 09:58

Please stop interrogating this man about what would have been an emotionally fraught and confusing situation. It is abusive.

JudgeBread · 15/10/2025 09:58

It's actually none of your business. He's told you he went through something horrible and upsetting and your first thought is "he must be lying"?

Someone here is a red flag but I don't think it's him.

Eenameenadeeka · 15/10/2025 09:58

I've had scans at 5 weeks, it's called a dating scan if you are unsure of dates. I've also had scans due to bleeding in early pregnancy. (Can also be dangerous for Mum, so they don't just leave it to wait and see like you suggested)Based on the information, it doesn't sound like a lie, but I'm not really sure why it bothers you if he went to a scan or not.

ThatSpryShaker · 15/10/2025 10:00

Eenameenadeeka · 15/10/2025 09:58

I've had scans at 5 weeks, it's called a dating scan if you are unsure of dates. I've also had scans due to bleeding in early pregnancy. (Can also be dangerous for Mum, so they don't just leave it to wait and see like you suggested)Based on the information, it doesn't sound like a lie, but I'm not really sure why it bothers you if he went to a scan or not.

I think it will let her know if he had any emotional attachment to the pregnancy and in turn, the woman concerned

Neodymium · 15/10/2025 10:00

I thought dating scans at 6-8 weeks were standard to confirm the pregnancy, the heartbeat, and to check it’s not ectopic?

InAHammock · 15/10/2025 10:02

You don’t trust this man, yet you’re having a baby with him. Why?

Monr0e · 15/10/2025 10:03

Why would he think you would "kick off" if he had been for a scan with his long term ex partner?

If she had attended an epu with bleeding and / pain they would scan. The scan would confirm viability, location and gestation. And yes, they will scan again after miscarriage to confirm there already no retained products which are a risk for infection.

However, you sound extremely overbearing with your questions on a situation your boyfriend went through 8 years ago. No one here could possibly know if she was further along or if it was planned for how upset he was.

I would focus on the fact he is with you now and your pregnancy together and stop driving yourself daft with questions over his past and previous relationship.

Tillow4ever · 15/10/2025 10:03

I had a scan 6 weeks on the NHS BUT that was after a previous MMC. They wouldn’t do it earlier than 6 weeks, and it might have been closer to 7. During my miscarriage, I was immediately given a scan to confirm what was going on - it’s highly likely they would have done the same for her when she started bleeding.

You sound very high strung and precious over this. If he did lie, I can kind of see why with how you’re talking about it taking away from your firsts etc. Just let it go. So what if he got the dates mixed up - it was 8 years ago, he is more likely mis-remembering than deliberately lying.

Oh and accidents can and do happen. It’s not 100% effective, and you read stories all the time about contraceptives failing!

If you can’t drop this, you are going to destroy your relationship. Has he ever given you reason to think he lies about things? If not, why are you suddenly convinced he’s lying about this?

Edenmum2 · 15/10/2025 10:05

Whattodo37 · 15/10/2025 09:37

I know his past is his past but I hate being lied to. He said he didn't tell me about him going to scan as I would kick off so he told white lie for easy life. What if the rest is all white lies.

Why would you kick off about him going to a scan for his baby?

Lavender14 · 15/10/2025 10:05

Whattodo37 · 15/10/2025 09:41

Because you cant get early scan 5/6 weeks to confirm pregnancy. Why would they scan her with bleeding between 5/8 weeks, surely its maybe a loss and too early to tell so wait and see and then a scan again back home to confirm miscarriage? 3 scans for a pregnancy under 8 weeks the NHS simply dont do that. That's what im getting at.

I was scanned at 5 and then again at 8 weeks because of bleeding in pregnancy. I had a subchorionic haematoma and threatened miscarriage so any time I had a substantial bleed I was scanned to check if the pregnancy was progressing, the status of the haematoma and to protect me from incomplete miscarriage or mmc. There's plenty of reasons why women may need scans which is one of the reasons why the EPAU exists.

I agree your queries are unhealthy unless he's previous form for lying. I understand being cautious after bring hurt in the past but those are your issues which you need to address and ensure you're not transferring that unfairly onto a new partner. Unless they have given you reason not to trust them.

Loadsapandas · 15/10/2025 10:05

Whattodo37 · 15/10/2025 09:55

Yes but then scan for bleeding (so early on?) And then scan to confirm miscarriage (so early on?). The nhs dont offer that for under 8 weeks.

Yes, I’ve had scans at 5,6,7 weeks across different pregnancies.

At different NHS hospitals I might add.

why do you care so much? You need to focus on that because it’s weird.

PinkyFlamingo · 15/10/2025 10:06

Whattodo37 · 15/10/2025 09:55

Yes but then scan for bleeding (so early on?) And then scan to confirm miscarriage (so early on?). The nhs dont offer that for under 8 weeks.

You seem so sure about that. But ive had a scan after bleeding about 7 weeks.

Lavender14 · 15/10/2025 10:06

Whattodo37 · 15/10/2025 09:42

I have caught him telling white lies about his past. I dint want this being another.

What other white lies?

Edenmum2 · 15/10/2025 10:06

Whattodo37 · 15/10/2025 09:55

Yes but then scan for bleeding (so early on?) And then scan to confirm miscarriage (so early on?). The nhs dont offer that for under 8 weeks.

They do under some circumstances. If they suspect miscarriage then they will scan and then tell you to come back in two weeks for another.

still have no idea why it’s any of your business

SpudsAndCarrots · 15/10/2025 10:08

Whattodo37 · 15/10/2025 09:41

Because you cant get early scan 5/6 weeks to confirm pregnancy. Why would they scan her with bleeding between 5/8 weeks, surely its maybe a loss and too early to tell so wait and see and then a scan again back home to confirm miscarriage? 3 scans for a pregnancy under 8 weeks the NHS simply dont do that. That's what im getting at.

The nhs can and do scan early. Pain or bleeding need scans to rule out ectopic pregnancies.

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