Controversial approach to Santa

[Lynsey953]

My children are 2 and 3 and I have never spoken to them about Santa. I've never said anything about him and they've never asked. We don't pay for them to see Santa and I don't allow other people to make a big deal about Santa in front of them (i.e. this present is from Santa, I would rather people say "this is from me merry Christmas").

This is how I was brought up and I have lovely memories of Christmas.

My sister in law is very upset by this and is worried that my controversial approach to Santa is going to ruin the magic for her kids. She has requested that we go to my parents house for Christmas day so that my kids don't ruin Christmas for her kids (8 and 9).

I am fine with this but I hadn't realised my approach was so controversial.

Is it? It's just what myself and my siblings always had.

She doesn’t plan on telling them the truth, she plans on not mentioning Santa, asking others not to mention Santa, and ignore any questions about Santa. That’s why it’s weird for me! Just telling them would be different.

Weirder than lying to little kids? I did all the Santa and reindeer stuff when my kids were small but I don’t think it’s that which made Christmas great. My adult kids still love it. Tbh, it always did feel a bit off to pretend some fat bloke came down the chimney! And the knots people tie themselves up in to ‘keep the magic’-that’s pretty weird. And get upset when others don’t follow their choices.

Also (I should be getting ready for work but feel ill so this is a nice procrastination) how do people who go all in for Father Christmas explain how some kids get nothing?

Probably being overly emotional, but imagine being a 6 year old in a neglected /abusive household and being bombarded with messages saying FC will turn up in you’ve been good and not in you are naughty.

It just has never sat well with me, so preferred to keep it all very low key. We do stocking and presents but, despite being well off, spend a fraction compared to the amounts mentioned on here (which I know to take with a pinch of salt).

We were never that fussed about Father Christmas (can’t bring myself to call him Santa). But by the time they were your kids ages they’d picked it up from nursery and were really into it. So we had the stockings from FC, with a few small gifts in it - chocolate, small toy etc. DD actually really believed until she was at the end of primary school. That said there were loads of kids in her class who didn’t (mainly Muslim and Jewish kids) and it wasn’t an issue

A fairy tale - like unicorns or the Gruffallo 😂

I was like this when my kids were toddlers but by the time the eldest was in school, it was talked about so much by them that we just gave up and embraced it. I regret missing out on the santa experiences in the first few years now

St Nicholas was a Christian bishop.

Where did she say she’s asking others not to mention Santa?

Isn't the whole point of FC/Santa that it's a nice story and a bit of fun - not the most important part of Christmas.
Children know this from quite a young age that it's a story/tradition and play along with their parents at a risk they might miss out on presents.

(Also it's a money making exercise for garden centres who have the space for a grotto as it's winter and no one is buying plants?)

Our families have always done:
Stocking from Santa, presents from everyone else.

How to do manage auntie Beryl and uncle Ken turning up with presents the week before Christmas with presents if they all come from Santa?

@JamesWebbSpaceTelescope
"When did Father Christmas start being called Santa?"
Not the point of the thread, but I couldn't agreed with you more.... I HATE "Santa"!

The people who neglect/abuse their kids probably aren’t explaining stuff to their kids. And most kids won’t no someone in their class is being abused/neglected and got nothing for Christmas?

I was similar to OP, I moved to the U.K. when the kids were 4 and 6, and I came from a different culture, where Santa sort of exists but it is not made a big deal of, it is more about the birth of Jesus and the 3 wise men 🤷‍♀️

my husband is British but he never was big on Santa….

Welll all I can say was were social outcasts around Christmas time in the village, as everyone was all about “the magic of Christmas “ which was all about pretending Sara was real

so be careful as some people take it really really seriously and even have their 11 year olds still believe.

basically you might be making things hard for yourself

for me it was too late, and I never got my kids to believe as at first I was so confused by it, and the year after they were 5 and 7 and it was a bit late to start

FWIW I still find it all slightly baffling 😁 but lots of people feel very very strongly

In my house Santa presents only arrive on Christmas eve
Its everything I or my partner have got for our children.
I would never ask another family member to pretend their gifts are also from Santa

If my children ask me about Santa I of course tell them that he isnt real and its just a bit of fun. Why should I lie to my child simply because some parents choose to lie to theirs? So bizarre to me. Christmas is still magical and exciting without an imaginary man crawling down the chimney! Presents, food, family - perfect. No need for lies.

Oh! So no! I've miswritten this then. I just don't talk to them about him and it's never came up in conversation. If they ask I'll talk to them and see what they think (like I would with God). My mother in law does "look what Santa has left at my house for you" for her elder grandchildren and I would rather that my children knew it was from their grandparents but they can't absolutely be spoken to about Santa. I imagine my son will see Santa at nursery this year and if he comes home and says that I will have the xact same response as when the fire engine came out last term i.e. That's nice, what happened etc ... 🙂

Kids aren't idiots. Mine is 6 and already knows Santa couldn't possibly be real but chooses to kind of half believe in him for the extra presents!

I wasn’t asking you though? OP said she plans not to answer any questions if they ask them. That’s not being honest either

Top quality input there

Oh! So no! I've miswritten this then. I just don't talk to them about him and it's never came up in conversation. If they ask I'll talk to them and see what they think (like I would with God). My mother in law does "look what Santa has left at my house for you" for her elder grandchildren and I would rather that my children knew it was from their grandparents but they can't absolutely be spoken to about Santa. I imagine my son will see Santa at nursery this year and if he comes home and says that I will have the xact same response as when the fire engine came out last term i.e. That's nice, what happened etc ... 🙂

It’s more that FC has gotten bigger and bigger, with social media and competitive parenting. I think it sends out the wrong message.

You got lots of presents because you are “good”. And vice versa.

It is more on a society level rather than individuals but the message has just never sat well with me. But I can’t change society I can just influence my own family, so I never made Christmas presents conditional on behaviour or come from an imaginary person.

Yes, but they will obviously be curious about why Santa brings presents to all their friends, but not to them? They are guaranteed to ask why. At a minimum, to wonder if there's the possibility of getting more!

I can't see it is much different to having children that don't believe in a god. They aren't going to spoil it for other children who have been indoctrinated brought up in a religious household.

The whole 'Christmas has to be magical for children' mania that grips some people, not to mention that it starts in September, is baffling to me.

I was raised in the same way as you OP. I knew who FC was but in our house he was just a fun story and tradition, not something I was ever made to believe was actually real.

We still put out a mince pie, carrot and sherry. I still got stockings. I still used to try and stay awake to “see him” drop off the presents. Christmas morning was still as magical as ever.

This idea that not believing in FC somehow ruins Christmas forever is really odd.

If i didn't do Father Christmas with my dc I'd just do presents I wouldn't bother with stockings at all. The whole point of stockings is that FC comes down the chimney to fill them.
It's fun the belief in FC, they will get asked what they want him to bring them once they get a bit older.

Kids absolutely are idiots. Your 6 year old is clearly switched on but I was really worried that I was going to have to tell my then 10 year old for myself before he started secondary as he just wasn’t asking the right questions. Thankfully he worked it out around 10. His little sister has cottoned on quicker. FC/Santa is lovely when they’re little but beyond 8, I’m happy to see the back of it. This will be the first Santa free Christmas in our house and I’m looking forward to it!