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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Pure rage - toxic colleague has job in my new place

122 replies

Lotsnlotsoflove · 14/10/2025 21:34

Excuse the long post.

My previous job to my current one was a step up in terms of leadership and responsibility and I was excited to take on a new challenge, leading a team and creating a shared vision in a top organisation in my sector. As soon as I began the job, it was obvious all was not well in the team I had been employed to lead, colleagues refused to talk to each other or collaborate, nobody understood their role, and hugely inexperienced people had been given management roles way above their qualifications and experience. For example, it is standard in my industry that senior leaders have a PhD or equivalent and people had been employed in leadership roles with UG degree and barely two years of industry experience. One of these particular people was difficult from the start, she kicked up a huge fuss when I asked to meet all members of the team one on one (I was the line manager) to get a sense of individuals and set shared targets as we moved forward, and refused to meet me without another colleague present. I found this odd, as I had never met her ahead of working in the company and certainly hadn't had any negative interactions. In our one on one she got very angry and began to cry when I brought up that a budget line she had some responsibility for (though my predecessor was the overall budget holder) was overspending due to a misunderstanding about the allocation of funds available for particular things. It later transpired she had been hired by my previous role holder, who she was very fond of, and who had appointed her without the requisite qualifications and 'mentored' her in her role, which had meant doing all of the leadership tasks on her behalf. This could not continue under my leadership and I made it clear everyone with leadership responsibilty (and therefore salaries of £60k plus) would need to do their role.

The whole job was extremely difficult, with the management of interpersonal conflict and staff grievances happening from day one. The member of staff I allude to above was hugely central in this culture of formal grievance making and in the first six months I was there took out grievances against staff as well as complaints about our customer base on a more than monthly basis - all on the grounds of racism against her. The organisation I was in had a huge anti-racism policy and took a 'no holds barred' attitude to investigating and rooting out racism — investigations took place and inevitably there was no evidence of racism, or in one case evidence that some bias may have impacted decision making, although this could not be proven (as a senior leader I saw all the independent investigation reports, all of which cost the company many thousands of pounds). About half of the people investigated found the process so stressful that they went on long-term sick leave and then resigned from the post.

As an aside, and because it is relevant, this colleague was not the only person of colour in the organisation, or my team, although she was the only Black senior woman on my team. It is also relevant that our industry is hugely invested in anti-racism, and part of every institution includes specialist EDI and anti-racist departments (which I think is necessary, and do not in any way object to - simply to say, being cast as racist is a reputationally damaging way beyond what it might be in even most reasonably progressive workplaces).

It became obvious that she did not have the experience to carry out the role on her own, which wasn't surprising given her lack of skills, experience and qualifications. HR worked with me to support her development through coaching and leadership training, including one-to-one mentorship with an external Black leader of her choice, costing over £15k. At year's end her department had massively underperformed and an organisational traffic light system (arranged and operated by the exec board, not me) highlighted every aspect of her performance as 'red' (required urgent change).

Anyway, about a year into the role I got pregnant. During this time, my colleague's behaviour escalated. She stopped attending meetings against company policy, took out yet more grievances against colleagues and refused to meet one-to-one with any of her direct reports. Meanwhile, I was very ill with gestational diabetes, anemia and other pregnancy complications. On the day I went on maternity leave, she took out a grievance against me for racist harassment, it was completely vexatious and full of out and out untruths or completely misrepresented the facts. My company insisted I undergo the investigation process on mat leave, so two weeks postpartum I had to participate in a long round of meetings, intrusive interviews with external investigators and evidence gathering that took the entire six months of my maternity to conclude. Fortunately, I had evidence to refute every point and witnesses to corroborate my statements. The investigation found no case to answer and recommended any record of the process was struck from my record. No action was taken against my colleague (who I get is free to make accusations, and the employer is duty bound to follow them up).

It goes without saying that this was hugely stressful. I left the organisation soon after and began a case for constructive dismissal on the basis of the handling of my case, which they settled ahead of a tribunal for tens of thousands of pounds. I found a new job at the same rank in a much nicer company soon after, am thriving here and have moved on. Two years have passed. However, the toxic colleague who was let go from the last place earlier this year has somehow managed to get a job here. As I understand it from a friend at the last job she was given a severance package that included a glowing reference. I am horrified I will have to work in her proximity, and today, when I bumped into her in the staff canteen, I was overcome with emotion. I am so shocked, and seriously considering leaving a job I love, so I don't have to be near this person. Is there anything I can realistically do to move on psychologically from this? Part of me feels that I need to let it go and accept she has a different perspective on the events of our last job to me. I am not in her team at this place, so contact will be minimal. AIBU to feel so angry and upset that I need to work with this person?

OP posts:
Lotsnlotsoflove · 16/10/2025 09:31

Miaminmoo · 16/10/2025 00:40

I’m so sorry to read this awful series of events, I’ll get flamed for this but we had a situation last year with an employee who only worked for us for a few months and wasn’t up to the role. After a couple of complaints, her relationship with her line manager breaking down irrevocably and other staff so upset they were off with stress or threatening to leave, I had to let her go. She worked for us for 6 months and wrote a 16 page grievance about how every single moment of her employment had subjected her to racism, discrimination, harassment and bullying - basically the only things you can raise if you have been employed less than 2 years. We own a small business with 30 employees and after we let her go all sorts of awful stories about her came out (would have been more useful to know in advance). She personally accused me and my partner and 3 other employees of racism and wanted money and a written apology from each person to avoid tribunal. We refused as her accusations had no basis and she had in fact shown some serious discrimination herself to several of my employees. It cost us thousands to fight and caused so much stress and trauma. I will add that for a small business we are proud of our diversity and inclusion policy and thankfully had several employees who were so outraged by her behaviour that they were willing to write testimonials. My point is, the stress and upset she caused, the time we had to spend fighting it (not to mention the money) and the impact on our team was huge. You need to ensure you will not be subjected to any contact with her and if I were you I would be approaching HR with your concerns now. I’m sorry you went through this, my DH almost had a nervous breakdown in the time it was going on. Do everything and anything to protect yourself and your team from another scenario at the hands of this disingenuous human being. As an employer we are discouraged from giving a bad reference but it’s unfair that other employers blindly walk in to the same potential situation.

Edited

Sorry to hear what you went through. I do wonder if these people genuinely perceive they have been discriminated against or if they are using the system to intentionally bully others.

OP posts:
Ddakji · 16/10/2025 09:53

Lotsnlotsoflove · 15/10/2025 22:52

One of the most galling among many galling things for me was that the substantial allegations against me were found to be demonstrably false, as in there was lots of documentary evidence and witness statements that evidenced she had lied. There were some other more minor things that were simply ‘not upheld.’ What was galling and solidified my decision to leave was that although her allegations were provably false and the investigation report states this, HR took the view in their written response that my management style was ‘operational’ rather than ‘holistic’ and what she had needed, as a person of colour, was ‘a holistic management style’ that recognised her work performance within a context of her felt sense of trauma and oppression - they said they saw the false allegations in the light of that, rather than in the light of the actual factual harm she caused me and others by bringing false claims. That is, as my lawyer put it ‘they wanted you to be her mother and not her boss.’ Anyway, obviously their own layers advised them that approach was insane because they settled out of court for a higher amount than my lawyer advised I was likely to be awarded if I won - probably on the basis that if what they had done and said to me got into the press it would be a PR disaster. Looking back I think what happened was that they were so caught up in worrying she would take them to tribunal for racism that would be in the press, they forgot EDI law also applies to me.

This is exactly what I was alluding to upthread, that their own anti-racism and DEI policies got them in the end. Because when people are either smug about their own virtue or are naive do-gooders, they expose themselves and their organisation to being taken advantage of by bad actors.

I would hope your case would have resulted in a slap around the chops for the DEI team and some pretty immediate changes.

But it’s an excellent example of why DEI has started to get such a bad rap.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 16/10/2025 10:14

@Lotsnlotsoflove I am reminded of a work colleague I once had. Not the same situation you're in, and thankfully we only had one shared workplace, not two.

When he joined the company, our team was severely understaffed and my boss was starting to despair of ever finding someone with the right profile. Then one day he came to work pleased as punch and said he'd found someone with an absolutely super CV, loads of interesting and relevant experience, and he was available to start in three weeks. In our industry a three month notice period is standard.

In retrospect, the fact that someone with such a stellar CV was available to start in three weeks was the first red flag. Normally someone in that sort of role should be a much needed member of the team who can't be replaced at the drop of a hat, and who needs time to hand their projects over in a way that minimises disruption to the business. So in my opinion, if someone in that kind of role is available on short notice, it's because their current employer can't wait to get rid of them.

Anyway, he arrived and he was toxic from day one. Constantly bad-mouthing different people to each other, trying to stir up drama and conflict in the team, lying, even trying to sabotage other people's files and client relationships. I got the measure of him pretty quickly and decided to just keep him at arm's length as much as possible. Then my manager came to talk to me and said that the new guy had said that I wasn't being very friendly towards him and asked me to make more of an effort. It also transpired that he had lied about a lot of the stuff on his CV, for example, he said he spoke fluent Spanish when in reality he didn't speak Spanish at all. This was a really frustrating one for me because our boss was half Spanish and could so easily have checked that at interview.

If I hadn't been trying to get pregnant at the time, I'm quite sure I would have quit as soon as they confirmed the end of his probation period. As it was, it took me some time to get pregnant. And even then, a year later when I finally did have a successful pregnancy, I was telling myself, "It's OK, I only have to put up with him until March, then I'll be on maternity leave, and if it's still really bad then I can just look for another job while I'm off and not come back."

In the end I did come back, got pregnant again shortly afterwards, and while I was pregnant he announced that he'd been poached by one of our big clients and was leaving. Going to work for a client was 100% in breach of the non-compete clause in his employment contract, but nobody gave a shit because they were all so glad to get rid of him.

In the beginning, I was the only one who had a problem with him and it felt very isolating. By the end, everyone had a problem with him. But they were still scared of him. He had a great big leaving party where everyone contributed to his leaving present and stood there and smiled while he made a speech about how much he had loved working with us. Then within days of him leaving, everyone was sharing their war stories. New and junior members of the team were talking about how he had tried to sabotage their matters, how he had told internal clients that they weren't up to the job, how he had told an intern that she shouldn't wear skinny jeans because her thighs were too fat.

And then it came out that he was also crap at the job. That, when asked a question he didn't know the answer to, he would make up any old shit and hope he didn't get found out. He left three years ago and people are still talking about him. Recently, in a meeting with the CEO who joined the company after he had left, the CEO asked why were doing something in a certain way with this client when it was completely against company policy and exposed us to serious risk, and the business unit director spoke up and said, "There was someone working in the team a few years ago, and basically he was very convincing and we all trusted him, but it turns out he didn't have a clue what he was doing and made lots of mistakes which we are still trying to fix." And the CEO said, "I wish he was still here so I could fire him personally."

We work for a big multinational which employs tens of thousands of people worldwide, and I know for a fact that he is blacklisted by HR at group level and will never be allowed back.

I also happen to know someone who works for the company he now works for. Leopards don't change their spots. He is still up to his usual tricks, lying about everything. But he will get found out. They always do.

Unfortunately it's very frustrating playing the long game, waiting for everyone else to cotton on.

LooseCanyon · 16/10/2025 10:21

Unfortunately it's very frustrating playing the long game, waiting for everyone else to cotton on.

Indeed it is, @MissScarletInTheBallroom. I hope that OP will come back to us in a few months with an update! Like you say, leopards and spots...

CrispAutumnLeaves · 16/10/2025 10:34

I had a toxic colleague who followed me in to another job as I had stupidly told her where I was now working. I had no problems with anyone for the ten months I was employed. With in a couple of months after starting I had colleagues turned on me . I found out after I left she had bad mouthed me ,saying I was criticising people’s weight and comparing them to me . Another incident that happened we were given cystal ball Christmas decorations by a manager and I accidentally dropped mine and it broke . She told my manager that I had smashed it . No wonder the atmosphere turned toxic . Keep this woman at arms length and yes I would say something to management. I wish I had .

Mischance · 16/10/2025 11:22

Injustices hurt. Only you can choose not to let this go on hurting.
I am dealing with an injustice situation and it has been eating me up My dear adult daughter gave me the above advice. She us right. I am trying to take it.

NowYouSee · 16/10/2025 11:52

What a sucky situation OP. I'm afraid this is more common than you'd think.

A good few years ago I worked with a person with this type of behaviours, a peer, I will call Alex. White but LGBT and had mental health issues. Talked a great talk at interview and at at first. After a few months they weren't performing terribly badly but blatantly not at the level (quantity or quality) expected at that level, and were pissing people off with behaviours. Team head tried to coach them to raise performance. Cue a series of dramatic outbursts, unwarranted grievances and against people up the chain and senior colleagues plus insisting there was discrimination/bullying/harassment, it was awful and I wasn't even the one being accused. You had to completely tiptoe around Alex for fear of being next in their targets. Things would die down for a while but then 3-6-9 months the cycle would start again. The time this took up was wild and massively distracting.

Inevitably senior management said enough and Alex ended up being comped out. Another team member had left 6 months before and to her horror, subsequently found Alex was joining her new place in a sister team - Alex had an agreed reference and the people who had been put through the wringer were definitely not going to try and sidestep that.

And guess what, after 6 months in the new place, the claims of bullying, harassment and discrimination started again. Cue cycle of processes ending with an exit. And it then turned out they had done so several other times in previous roles.

This led me to question what Alex's motivation was. Was it spite and greed? Well no, I didn't think so. I think Alex genuinely had a very fragile sense of self, was generally very unhappy in life, was not as good at the job as they perceived and had, perhaps due to their background/issues growing up, become wildly overreactive to anything that wasn't unmitigated praise so the other person had to be shut down. Plus no self awareness to think that if all of their last 4 employers had raised performance concerns, maybe this wasn't the right profession for them. Instead Alex would see that all their employers had given them money to settle claims, which just went to prove how they had been repeatedly victimised.

Looking at Alex's CV on LInkedIn now I can see a huge amount of bouncing around jobs and the very longest being 3.5 years. I hope Alex is a happier person today.

Anyway, in terms of practical advice, I would go to your manager and/or their manager. Explain briefly what happened - that this employee was very trigger happy with bringing unfounded grievances when you both worked at Company X, she raised many against various people and eventually you. That everything was fully investigated - whilst you had a tiny baby - and none of the allegations were upheld. That whilst you are certainly not trying to do anything to interfere with their clean start here, you felt it important that they had this context in advance as you feel it would be inappropriate for you to work on the same projects. Obviously this is a tremendously awkward conversation to have but far better they are aware than you get in the same lift and she decides you have looked at her funny and takes it from there.

Irritatedandsad · 16/10/2025 12:08

Maybe she wasn't toxic, you were both in a toxic workplace. I woeked soemwhere pretty simialr to you in management. I would try and start again with your relationship with her. You both probably have different perceptions of what went wrong before but it was likely the whole environment caused the escalation and was terrible for both of you. Toxic workplaces bring out the absolute worst in people, they act irrationally, are struggling with mental health and stress and feel vitimised and crushed. It sounds like both of you were feeling like this and the company just made you each others problems rather than helping.
People can change and grow and all you can do is see if in this new environment that thing are different.

Manxexile · 16/10/2025 12:29

I get confused about all the changing "sensitivities" around this, but is it currently OK to refer to a colleague as "Black"?

Lotsnlotsoflove · 16/10/2025 12:39

Irritatedandsad · 16/10/2025 12:08

Maybe she wasn't toxic, you were both in a toxic workplace. I woeked soemwhere pretty simialr to you in management. I would try and start again with your relationship with her. You both probably have different perceptions of what went wrong before but it was likely the whole environment caused the escalation and was terrible for both of you. Toxic workplaces bring out the absolute worst in people, they act irrationally, are struggling with mental health and stress and feel vitimised and crushed. It sounds like both of you were feeling like this and the company just made you each others problems rather than helping.
People can change and grow and all you can do is see if in this new environment that thing are different.

I do to some extent agree with you. I did not perform my best either due to the workplace stress. On the other hand, this person strategically timed her complaint to my maternity leave, which she knew would mean I either had to opt out of participating or participate immediately postpartum -which I find unforgivable ,given that the timeline of events she included had the last incident almost three months before. That it was handed in on the first day of my mat leave was obviously planned. Additionally, she told actual lies, as in completely made up things that never happened, which I find hard to be magnanimous about. It would be one thing if she construed events that actually happened through a different lens, I would accept that. But for example she claimed I forced her to continue line managing a direct report she had complained about - in fact I had immediately removed him from her supervision and taken on his line management myself, including performance management and all aspects of his work. She claimed I called her into a meeting where I told her she had to accept aggressive behaviour from a white male colleague because ‘that was his culture’, when in fact I had done nothing of the sort and had even spoken to him about his communication style and arranged mediation (that she refused to attend). And a lot more personal egregious allegations that I don’t want to put here because they are too upsetting.

OP posts:
Lotsnlotsoflove · 16/10/2025 12:43

Manxexile · 16/10/2025 12:29

I get confused about all the changing "sensitivities" around this, but is it currently OK to refer to a colleague as "Black"?

It was how she referred to herself in her complaints, so I assume so.

OP posts:
ElChapo · 16/10/2025 15:25

Hi OP. I have RTFT and I think in your position I would have an ‘off the record’ conversation with my manager. No need to mention names as I’m sure it could be worked out anyway but as a PP has said they were grateful to get the heads up on a toxic colleague/employee. Plus it could stop her earlier if she does decide to pick up her vendetta at your new place. Maybe frame it in your head that you could be helping another colleague rather than just airing your grievances. Good luck

crispycrust · 16/10/2025 16:15

Silence is a powerful tool. Say nothing.

Sit back and watch her hang herself on her own rope.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 16/10/2025 17:20

I am so torn between the advice. But it did occur to me that perhaps your lawyer has experience of very similar situations and may be able to advise?

On one hand, say nothing - would be the wise move if you think your manager would tell or take it further which might trigger the ex colleague to start on you

On the other hand - maybe to tell your manager wording it very carefully so that they know and can assess the situation may give you a level of protection.

I feel it would really depend on your knowledge of your manager's discretion and the HR culture in your new place. And your assessment of how much of a risk each action carries.

Also it would depend on how likely toxic ex colleague is to start up on you particularly again when you are not in the immediate range. If you think the risk is small, then it might be safer to ignore?

I thought your summary of how she deliberately delayed her complaint until you went on maternity leave, was calculated to wound.

It's probably something only you can decide based on your knowledge of the characters involved. But I do think your lawyer may have some useful input.

Whatever you choose I hope you can find a way to leave this at work and have some support or seek some to help you do that, so that it doesn't press on the rest of your time. Also hope your DD is ok Flowers

HelpMeUnpickThis · 16/10/2025 17:42

Lotsnlotsoflove · 16/10/2025 12:43

It was how she referred to herself in her complaints, so I assume so.

It is fine to call black people black.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 16/10/2025 17:49

Lotsnlotsoflove · 15/10/2025 23:18

We ignored each other. I am not sure she deliberately followed me -
I think it’s more likely that she applied for all of the very few jobs in our field that came up in the last few months in commutable distance (as I say her role is pretty niche) and this is the one she got.

If it is that niche, her reputation will become known by anyone who is anyone in the sector and she will eventually become unemployable.

Houseoftrouser25 · 16/10/2025 18:21

crispycrust · 16/10/2025 16:15

Silence is a powerful tool. Say nothing.

Sit back and watch her hang herself on her own rope.

Absolutely this.
Do not give anyone the heads up

She knows you know so hopefully she will be on her best behaviour
If you do tell your boss it could be construed as bullying and an attempt to undermine her new role .
Knowledge is power.
You can keep ahead by keeping time stamped notes of any interaction with her just in case.

CharlieKirkRIP · 16/10/2025 21:54

Chances are she will soon be causing trouble in the new company who will see through her and boot her out. Keep away from her but get it on record with your manager that you worked with her previously and she was a nightmare.

crispycrust · 17/10/2025 13:46

Maintaining radio silence protects your dignity.

Let the light shine on toxic colleague's behaviour and thus avoid any "he said - she said" which will make you look as bad as her.

Sit back and breathe.

JFDIYOLO · 18/10/2025 11:37

I do wonder though - what if it all goes horribly wrong, if she causes chaos, with business and team member consequences?

And your employer learns you knew about her character and history?

The things she had done that they could have been prepared and informed about in order to stop her derailing things, had they had clear fair warning?

It might be wise to consider your position in advance, should this happen. Maybe along the lines of 'there was a confidential NDA which I was required to sign and obey' or whatever is helpful.

marshmallowmix · 18/10/2025 11:44

How did she manage to get the new job it is so wrong …troublemakers getting glowing references and cow towed to!

She is clearly trouble and using race to aid pulling the wool over people’s eyes …a severance and glowing reference have allowed her to get a pass to do it again!

I’d be tempted to go to HR and make them aware OP

marshmallowmix · 18/10/2025 11:46

She sounds like trouble with a capital T!

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