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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Pure rage - toxic colleague has job in my new place

122 replies

Lotsnlotsoflove · 14/10/2025 21:34

Excuse the long post.

My previous job to my current one was a step up in terms of leadership and responsibility and I was excited to take on a new challenge, leading a team and creating a shared vision in a top organisation in my sector. As soon as I began the job, it was obvious all was not well in the team I had been employed to lead, colleagues refused to talk to each other or collaborate, nobody understood their role, and hugely inexperienced people had been given management roles way above their qualifications and experience. For example, it is standard in my industry that senior leaders have a PhD or equivalent and people had been employed in leadership roles with UG degree and barely two years of industry experience. One of these particular people was difficult from the start, she kicked up a huge fuss when I asked to meet all members of the team one on one (I was the line manager) to get a sense of individuals and set shared targets as we moved forward, and refused to meet me without another colleague present. I found this odd, as I had never met her ahead of working in the company and certainly hadn't had any negative interactions. In our one on one she got very angry and began to cry when I brought up that a budget line she had some responsibility for (though my predecessor was the overall budget holder) was overspending due to a misunderstanding about the allocation of funds available for particular things. It later transpired she had been hired by my previous role holder, who she was very fond of, and who had appointed her without the requisite qualifications and 'mentored' her in her role, which had meant doing all of the leadership tasks on her behalf. This could not continue under my leadership and I made it clear everyone with leadership responsibilty (and therefore salaries of £60k plus) would need to do their role.

The whole job was extremely difficult, with the management of interpersonal conflict and staff grievances happening from day one. The member of staff I allude to above was hugely central in this culture of formal grievance making and in the first six months I was there took out grievances against staff as well as complaints about our customer base on a more than monthly basis - all on the grounds of racism against her. The organisation I was in had a huge anti-racism policy and took a 'no holds barred' attitude to investigating and rooting out racism — investigations took place and inevitably there was no evidence of racism, or in one case evidence that some bias may have impacted decision making, although this could not be proven (as a senior leader I saw all the independent investigation reports, all of which cost the company many thousands of pounds). About half of the people investigated found the process so stressful that they went on long-term sick leave and then resigned from the post.

As an aside, and because it is relevant, this colleague was not the only person of colour in the organisation, or my team, although she was the only Black senior woman on my team. It is also relevant that our industry is hugely invested in anti-racism, and part of every institution includes specialist EDI and anti-racist departments (which I think is necessary, and do not in any way object to - simply to say, being cast as racist is a reputationally damaging way beyond what it might be in even most reasonably progressive workplaces).

It became obvious that she did not have the experience to carry out the role on her own, which wasn't surprising given her lack of skills, experience and qualifications. HR worked with me to support her development through coaching and leadership training, including one-to-one mentorship with an external Black leader of her choice, costing over £15k. At year's end her department had massively underperformed and an organisational traffic light system (arranged and operated by the exec board, not me) highlighted every aspect of her performance as 'red' (required urgent change).

Anyway, about a year into the role I got pregnant. During this time, my colleague's behaviour escalated. She stopped attending meetings against company policy, took out yet more grievances against colleagues and refused to meet one-to-one with any of her direct reports. Meanwhile, I was very ill with gestational diabetes, anemia and other pregnancy complications. On the day I went on maternity leave, she took out a grievance against me for racist harassment, it was completely vexatious and full of out and out untruths or completely misrepresented the facts. My company insisted I undergo the investigation process on mat leave, so two weeks postpartum I had to participate in a long round of meetings, intrusive interviews with external investigators and evidence gathering that took the entire six months of my maternity to conclude. Fortunately, I had evidence to refute every point and witnesses to corroborate my statements. The investigation found no case to answer and recommended any record of the process was struck from my record. No action was taken against my colleague (who I get is free to make accusations, and the employer is duty bound to follow them up).

It goes without saying that this was hugely stressful. I left the organisation soon after and began a case for constructive dismissal on the basis of the handling of my case, which they settled ahead of a tribunal for tens of thousands of pounds. I found a new job at the same rank in a much nicer company soon after, am thriving here and have moved on. Two years have passed. However, the toxic colleague who was let go from the last place earlier this year has somehow managed to get a job here. As I understand it from a friend at the last job she was given a severance package that included a glowing reference. I am horrified I will have to work in her proximity, and today, when I bumped into her in the staff canteen, I was overcome with emotion. I am so shocked, and seriously considering leaving a job I love, so I don't have to be near this person. Is there anything I can realistically do to move on psychologically from this? Part of me feels that I need to let it go and accept she has a different perspective on the events of our last job to me. I am not in her team at this place, so contact will be minimal. AIBU to feel so angry and upset that I need to work with this person?

OP posts:
GingerBeverage · 15/10/2025 10:59

Curious how she bagged this job, even with glowing reference (which, surely when the performance evaluation was red, is a form of deception by both her and former company?)

Are you certain that no one else from the other company has moved over as well? Perhaps someone like the former manager who favoured her and pulled strings.

That aside, mentally prepare yourself to meet her at various points - canteen, toilet, hallways etc. My worry would be that your natural reaction of aversion could easily be interpreted by a third party as hostility, leaving you open to accusations once again. Have a line ready if she speaks to you.

I do not doubt that if she makes it through probation, she will seek new targets.

Lotsnlotsoflove · 15/10/2025 11:04

GingerBeverage · 15/10/2025 10:59

Curious how she bagged this job, even with glowing reference (which, surely when the performance evaluation was red, is a form of deception by both her and former company?)

Are you certain that no one else from the other company has moved over as well? Perhaps someone like the former manager who favoured her and pulled strings.

That aside, mentally prepare yourself to meet her at various points - canteen, toilet, hallways etc. My worry would be that your natural reaction of aversion could easily be interpreted by a third party as hostility, leaving you open to accusations once again. Have a line ready if she speaks to you.

I do not doubt that if she makes it through probation, she will seek new targets.

I wasn’t involved in the recruitment process so I don’t know. I did see the job ad and it didn’t cross my mind she would apply as I know from experience she doesn’t have the skill set. No one else from my other job is here, I would know that much. There will have been loads of applicants, but she does fall into a particular niche in terms of the role she held at our previous employer. As I say just having worked out our previous company is a huge mark of prestige and will make her application stand out. I obviously don’t know what her reference said - in my experience unless a reference is actively terrible it plays only a peripheral role in who we decide to appoint.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 15/10/2025 11:05

Lotsnlotsoflove · 14/10/2025 21:42

Yes, I believe so.

If you have a comany confidential counsellor speak to them

You will have minimal contact, be polite amd dont engage with her

Kimura · 15/10/2025 12:04

LooseCanyon · 15/10/2025 09:52

This is an incredibly bad idea. It would be slanderous. Especially as the colleague wasn't "investigated for racism".

That quote was something the toxic colleague might say if she's able to get the first word in. My post was poorly worded 👍

MuggleMe · 15/10/2025 12:05

I would recommend emdr therapy which is specifically to deal with instances of past trauma.

JFDIYOLO · 15/10/2025 12:36

Be very VERY careful.

Be careful about confiding in line manager, HR etc - you've no idea what that might lead to.

Focus all this energy away from what you've written about, and refocus it:

Ensure your own behaviour, interactions and performance everywhere are exemplary.

Cultivate your personal and professional brand across departments and up and down grades.

Establish the evidence of your own marvellousness.

Keep away from her as much as possible.

If you have no choice but to interact with her, professional persona on at all times.

Work on your own career and opportunities.

SparkFinder · 15/10/2025 14:07

I would talk to my manager but I would protect myself from accusations by not naming the individual but focussing the discussion on my own wellbeing. I would also focus on factual information that can be shared, nothing subjective. I might say something like "I want to make you aware of something which is having an impact on my wellbeing. In my last company I worked with a particular colleague. That individual raised X number of grievances about her colleagues, mainly claims of racism. On the day of my maternity leave she raised a grievance against me on the basis of racism. This was found to be completely unfounded and scrubbed from my record. However I spent much of the early post partum days instead of recovering and bonding with my baby, dealing with my employers and this grievance. This was incredibly traumatic and I am still traumatised by the memory. I have just discovered that this individual has joined the company and that scenarios may arise where I will need to interact with them. I am planning to use the EAP resource to help me, but also I am concerned that interacting with this person may be very distressing and I am giving you a heads up in case it impacts me, you will understand the background. I will always be professional in my interactions with this person and do not intend to share this issue further than you." if you document this I think you are protecting yourself against any accusations, focussing on your own wellbeing in case it does impact you during work, and then it's up to your management if they want to know more, it's clearly not a case of you spreading rumours.

LooseCanyon · 15/10/2025 16:12

99bottlesofkombucha · 15/10/2025 10:30

They paid you 10s of 1000s of pounds because they investigated you on their behalf. I’d take your manager to coffee and say I really feel you need to know that this person is a big factor in my leaving- she couldn’t do the job despite huge support , mentors and external programs costing thousands and she coped with that by bringing made up grievances against just about every one she encountered and so many people just left as this bullying process was so miserable. She finally brought one against me as I went on mat leave; they investigated while I was on mat leave and ended up paying me 10s of 1000s compensation for how they handled what the investigation obviously showed to be her completely made up issues, I have receipts. I’ve just never worked with anyone who I would describe as simply toxic until I experienced her. Please keep her away from our department and everyone who you like.

DO NOT DO THIS!!!

LooseCanyon · 15/10/2025 16:12

SparkFinder · 15/10/2025 14:07

I would talk to my manager but I would protect myself from accusations by not naming the individual but focussing the discussion on my own wellbeing. I would also focus on factual information that can be shared, nothing subjective. I might say something like "I want to make you aware of something which is having an impact on my wellbeing. In my last company I worked with a particular colleague. That individual raised X number of grievances about her colleagues, mainly claims of racism. On the day of my maternity leave she raised a grievance against me on the basis of racism. This was found to be completely unfounded and scrubbed from my record. However I spent much of the early post partum days instead of recovering and bonding with my baby, dealing with my employers and this grievance. This was incredibly traumatic and I am still traumatised by the memory. I have just discovered that this individual has joined the company and that scenarios may arise where I will need to interact with them. I am planning to use the EAP resource to help me, but also I am concerned that interacting with this person may be very distressing and I am giving you a heads up in case it impacts me, you will understand the background. I will always be professional in my interactions with this person and do not intend to share this issue further than you." if you document this I think you are protecting yourself against any accusations, focussing on your own wellbeing in case it does impact you during work, and then it's up to your management if they want to know more, it's clearly not a case of you spreading rumours.

DO NOT DO THIS!!!

LooseCanyon · 15/10/2025 16:16

As for probationary periods, they're neither here nor there. Up until 2 years of employment, an employee doesn't have many rights (until Labour change that in the upcoming bill, if they do).

OP, the minute you say any concrete words about this woman, you are potentially committing slander/libel. Don't put anything in writing, for sure. But don't make any, what would actually be, accusations about her.

If you start telling people about her then you will start to be part of a new problem. The company has hired her, let them make their own assessments of her performance and behaviour.

SparkFinder · 15/10/2025 16:22

LooseCanyon · 15/10/2025 16:16

As for probationary periods, they're neither here nor there. Up until 2 years of employment, an employee doesn't have many rights (until Labour change that in the upcoming bill, if they do).

OP, the minute you say any concrete words about this woman, you are potentially committing slander/libel. Don't put anything in writing, for sure. But don't make any, what would actually be, accusations about her.

If you start telling people about her then you will start to be part of a new problem. The company has hired her, let them make their own assessments of her performance and behaviour.

For my own learning, why do you say this if the OP is talking about something truthful that happened to her? I totally get it if it's gossip or malicious, but if I was OP's manager I'd want to know if my employee was distressed about a new hire because of a traumatic history. There's no libel or slander if it's true and can be demonstrated to be true, right?

LooseCanyon · 15/10/2025 16:34

SparkFinder · 15/10/2025 16:22

For my own learning, why do you say this if the OP is talking about something truthful that happened to her? I totally get it if it's gossip or malicious, but if I was OP's manager I'd want to know if my employee was distressed about a new hire because of a traumatic history. There's no libel or slander if it's true and can be demonstrated to be true, right?

I find the levels of naievety on this thread astonishing.

So, the OP is supposed to start badmouthing (that's how it will be seen) the new hire, who has a glowing reference, and has just been taken on by people who supposedly think they knew what they were doing?

So the OP would not only be stirring up potential trouble from this colleague when they (inevitably) hear what she's been saying, and admitting that she took her previous employers to tribunal, she would also be implicitly criticising the people who hired this person in the new company 🤔

It's not about what PPs think is "right" or "wrong". It's about how workplaces operate, and OP protecting her own career.

OP, you may well benefit from counselling for all this, but IMO keep it out of the workplace.

Lotsnlotsoflove · 15/10/2025 17:00

LooseCanyon · 15/10/2025 16:34

I find the levels of naievety on this thread astonishing.

So, the OP is supposed to start badmouthing (that's how it will be seen) the new hire, who has a glowing reference, and has just been taken on by people who supposedly think they knew what they were doing?

So the OP would not only be stirring up potential trouble from this colleague when they (inevitably) hear what she's been saying, and admitting that she took her previous employers to tribunal, she would also be implicitly criticising the people who hired this person in the new company 🤔

It's not about what PPs think is "right" or "wrong". It's about how workplaces operate, and OP protecting her own career.

OP, you may well benefit from counselling for all this, but IMO keep it out of the workplace.

I do think you are right on this. I'm saying nothing for now and trying to deal with my emotions. I can't see how any good can come of my trying to 'warn' people about her. I will potentially look like a deranged shit-stirrer. The best possible outcome is that she has changed her ways and improved over time— she has now ostensibly had almost 2 years' worth of additional experience in the role (though I do know she took a long period of gardening leave, again that has probably not been revealed to the new company). If my suspicions that she remains unable to perform are right, I guess she will be out of a job anyway. I will try to avoid this person as much as possible and focus on my own job and performance. I am doing well here and have had excellent feedback from managers and my team, and am performing above expectations, so I am not worried in that sense.

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 15/10/2025 17:22

parietal · 14/10/2025 22:05

If you trust your boss to be discrete and sensible, I'd start by asking your boss about what this person's role in the company is and whether you will need to work with her. explain that you had some difficult interactions with her at previous company, and would prefer not to work with this person in future.

At this initial stage, you wouldn't need to give any detail about what the previous interactions are, but you are just giving a signal that there is some history here.

I’d go further and say that you absolutely will not work with her.

Kimura · 15/10/2025 17:32

LooseCanyon · 15/10/2025 16:34

I find the levels of naievety on this thread astonishing.

So, the OP is supposed to start badmouthing (that's how it will be seen) the new hire, who has a glowing reference, and has just been taken on by people who supposedly think they knew what they were doing?

So the OP would not only be stirring up potential trouble from this colleague when they (inevitably) hear what she's been saying, and admitting that she took her previous employers to tribunal, she would also be implicitly criticising the people who hired this person in the new company 🤔

It's not about what PPs think is "right" or "wrong". It's about how workplaces operate, and OP protecting her own career.

OP, you may well benefit from counselling for all this, but IMO keep it out of the workplace.

OP believes that the stress caused by participating in a targeted, malicious, false claim of racism by this woman may have had a lasting effect on her then unborn child's health. It was handled so badly that she was compelled to leave her job and go to tribunal. She's clearly still dealing with the aftermath.

Her new employer needs to know that information, so they can fulfill their duty of care by ensuring OP has as little to do with this woman as possible, and certainly that she's never left alone with her.

I suggested getting in first with that information, before this woman, who we know regularly concocts fantasy racism accusations, does so and paints an entirely different picture.

If I was OPs boss and I heard about their history from or via the new employee, I'd be curious as to why OP, the senior employee, hadn't thought to tell me first.

Slander/Libel only occurs when false or misleading statements are made.

InSpainTheRain · 15/10/2025 17:34

So I had a similar situation to OP, there was no settlement involved and it wasn't as severe though. I worked with a woman who was just awful (many grievances raised, awful to some individuals, I mostly escaped her attention luckily). I changed companies, and just as the OP says - this woman also moved to my new company about 14 months after me.

I can't tell you what is right or wrong to do, but I simply went to my line manager and told him the facts and dates. I gave no opinions about what happened, or how I felt, just the facts. I then told him it was of course up to him what he did with the information. I felt I had established myself in the role by then and was respected as someone who worked well and over-achieved on their targets. My boss dealt with it, I don't know what happened (didn't ask) but she failed her probationary review and after an extension failed again then left.

LooseCanyon · 15/10/2025 17:37

Cherrysoup · 15/10/2025 17:22

I’d go further and say that you absolutely will not work with her.

Oh blimey. Really, really do not do this.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 15/10/2025 17:51

Lotsnlotsoflove · 15/10/2025 10:30

Yes that’s exactly what I am worried about. I’m not going to say anything, I will keep my counsel. I have a lot of black colleagues now who I am sure would think ‘no smoke without fire’ if she made known that she felt I was a racist bully.

I would say absolutely nothing, avoid her as much as possible, and if you get even a whiff of a suspicion that she has made any accusations about you, go straight to HR and say, "When we were both at our previous company she made a vexatious accusation of racism against me, and also against several other people in respect of unrelated alleged incidents. I was subjected to a long and gruelling investigation during my maternity leave, including being called in for days of meetings at two weeks postpartum. Her allegations against me were proven to be completely unfounded but I was traumatised by the experience so I decided to leave the company. I later claimed constructive dismissal and reached a confidential settlement with my former employer. I did not tell you this before because I am not supposed to discuss the terms of my settlement, and because people tend to think there's no smoke without a fire. But the fact that she has now started again means I have no choice but to tell you what happened."

I would also consider doing the same if you have reason to believe she is making vexatious complaints about other people.

LooseCanyon · 15/10/2025 18:06

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 15/10/2025 17:51

I would say absolutely nothing, avoid her as much as possible, and if you get even a whiff of a suspicion that she has made any accusations about you, go straight to HR and say, "When we were both at our previous company she made a vexatious accusation of racism against me, and also against several other people in respect of unrelated alleged incidents. I was subjected to a long and gruelling investigation during my maternity leave, including being called in for days of meetings at two weeks postpartum. Her allegations against me were proven to be completely unfounded but I was traumatised by the experience so I decided to leave the company. I later claimed constructive dismissal and reached a confidential settlement with my former employer. I did not tell you this before because I am not supposed to discuss the terms of my settlement, and because people tend to think there's no smoke without a fire. But the fact that she has now started again means I have no choice but to tell you what happened."

I would also consider doing the same if you have reason to believe she is making vexatious complaints about other people.

I don't think OP should use the word "vexatious". It is an accusation in itself and could be seen as - vexatious.

Although, as OP knows, I don't think they should say anything to anyone at work.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 15/10/2025 18:14

LooseCanyon · 15/10/2025 18:06

I don't think OP should use the word "vexatious". It is an accusation in itself and could be seen as - vexatious.

Although, as OP knows, I don't think they should say anything to anyone at work.

Well I think it's a reasonable word to use about someone who has made multiple unfounded allegations about multiple different people.

PrivateCry · 15/10/2025 18:36

I would say she has way more to lose in mentioning you and any of the events at the last workplace that involved her. Even if any of her complaints were upheld, people would naturally be suspicious of her.

Ignore her and definitely give her no more thought if you can. She’ll out herself for sure OP at some point. You need not worry.

Lotsnlotsoflove · 15/10/2025 18:51

Kimura · 15/10/2025 17:32

OP believes that the stress caused by participating in a targeted, malicious, false claim of racism by this woman may have had a lasting effect on her then unborn child's health. It was handled so badly that she was compelled to leave her job and go to tribunal. She's clearly still dealing with the aftermath.

Her new employer needs to know that information, so they can fulfill their duty of care by ensuring OP has as little to do with this woman as possible, and certainly that she's never left alone with her.

I suggested getting in first with that information, before this woman, who we know regularly concocts fantasy racism accusations, does so and paints an entirely different picture.

If I was OPs boss and I heard about their history from or via the new employee, I'd be curious as to why OP, the senior employee, hadn't thought to tell me first.

Slander/Libel only occurs when false or misleading statements are made.

Thank you for putting it this way. You have made me see I am justified to have such a strong reaction to this.

OP posts:
Redcliffe1 · 15/10/2025 19:10

I think you have had great advice here. I had a case like yours (no where near as bad) and I live in fear of her turning up at my work place. Good luck!

Sadworld23 · 15/10/2025 19:20

Cardinalita90 · 14/10/2025 21:50

I would ask for a 121 with your manager asap and make them aware of the vexatious allegation she made against you. Not because you expect them to do anything but to pre-empt any nasty spin she may put on it when she tells people, or in case she lodges another.

Hrft but definitely get on there first.
Ime and I've a fair bit of toxic experience, people believe the first story they hear.

You have it couch it right though. Don't go in and complain about Xtoxic, but be positive about her.
EG whilst discussing something else with manager,
I am pleased to see Xtoxic is doing so well after the troubles she had at x name employer. So glad you've given her another chance as I've been so happy here .

Good luck, Xtoxic sounds painful .

Theyreeatingthedogs · 15/10/2025 19:26

SewingWarriorQueen76 · 14/10/2025 21:50

I’d be suggesting to HR that they run an in-depth review of her references.
I would also try to explain to them how much of a hospital pass she is, if they will listen.

Also if she is on a probation period , perhaps she will shoot herself in the foot?

This.