Starting to really bug me..

[gratefulmumm]

Rant warning!! sorry in advance it's pretty pathetic...

My partner has a tendency to make jokes which have started to really bug me... he does criticise the way I do things often and I've asked him to stop in therapy and he has been a bit better but he also tends to make
jokey comments when I'm busy doing things around the house..

If I have some spare time without the kids I'll tend to try to throw things out or declutter.. he tells me to stop and that I need to relax and just sit down.. that I never stop.. I say I have jobs to do at home because I want to keep the house nice for the boys - he said 'there's nothing for you to do.. (the cleaner has just been) .. I tell him the things I need to do like declutter..

I open the kitchen drawer and he sais 'what are you doing now?' I say I'm cleaning it out - I've been meaning to do it for ages it's full of rubbish - 'I say 'if you have a drawer like this wouldn't you want to clean it out?'

He then says 'my house would never be like this' (can I just say my house is very tidy but we have two kids so sometimes there might be a messy drawer or cupboard!)

it just bugs me because I can't just get in with the things I would do usually and it just makes me feel a bit judged by him .... AIBU??

Im really asking what is the atmosphere like in your home

Yes this. I think it might be difficult for you to answer this. You sound preoccupied and defensive, with contradictory posts. It's hard to understand what's going on and to decide whether your DH is being unreasonable. He comes across as alternatively caring and frustrated / snappy.

You say you have diagnosed OCD, that you have a cleaner and that your house is very tidy. I bet your house is immaculate and clutter-free by most people's standards.

Is there ever a point when you can say to yourself: "I've done enough, everything looks good, I can now relax and think of other things" ? How often do you reach that point (without feeling distressed because there's a drawer that needs decluttering or whatever)?

Hi @KeepTalkingBeth I appreciate my posts must sound confusing.. it's hard for myself to figure out what's going on - hence my posting on here.. my DH and I have a complicated relationship. I've been told some of his behaviour isn't ok and is abusive and controlling so now I kind of question a lot of things..including whether or not I'm the problem..

@whistlesandbellshe moved into my house 1 year after we got together but hates it there. The plan is for us to find a house that's both ours in the future.

i understand what you're saying about managing the house but I have a one year old and a seven year old so I like to keep things organised as it just makes things easier and less stressful in day to day life with them x

Well his house still wins because it doesn't have him in it.

And honestly, it’s your home. It’s hard to combine lives, it really is. I am more like you and my husband (similar story) is very relaxed - but does pull his weight? It’s tough. Good luck

Thankyou @whistlesandbells you're right it is tough to combine! I'm glad your DH pulls his weight! 😌

After reading a lot of the comments be curious to know what posters think is an acceptable amount of tidying/ organising?

Our porch is getting really overgrown with weeds and just dirty overall. We see it constantly as it leads out from the kitchen via glass bifolds..

is it unreasonable to want to sort it out or is it too hectic? Or if it's not unreasonable how can I do it so my partner doesn't think I'm being too manic?

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‎Post content:
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