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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Things you wouldn't admit to in real life

1000 replies

TwinklyFawn · 14/10/2025 13:13

Light hearted. I dislike my mum's boyfriend. I am sick of his constant grunting when i ask him a question. It is like he is incapable of saying yes or no to a simple question. He is a terrible bus driver. He drives like he is on a race track.

OP posts:
Fiftyandme · 15/10/2025 10:02

HappyNewTaxYear · 14/10/2025 23:57

No you don’t, goady!

PIP is not means tested

ESA (contributory) is also not means tested.

ThatsNotMyNameAlan · 15/10/2025 10:02

pictoosh · 15/10/2025 09:46

I'm not interested in transgender issues. At all. Be who you like, it has no impact on me. I'm cool with whatever suits you. I'm not arsed to hear about it though. Get on with your day.

I'm with the posters who cba with birthday and christmas presents for the sake of it. If there's something someone really wants then great...but that can apply to any day of the year. Trailing around shops and online shopping, hemorrhaging cash at Christmas just trying to find something to gift to someone you are obliged to buy a gift for is stressful and stupid. By the same token, I think it's a shame when someone gives me something I'm not fussed for. So wasteful for all concerned.
I would absolutely admit this in rl. And do.

Do you think men who think they’re women should be allowed into female spaces/sports etc?

BunnyLake · 15/10/2025 10:03

Starlight1984 · 15/10/2025 09:33

I wish more than anything I could give up work and be a housewife.

I know women fought hard to be given equal rights but nothing makes me happier than pottering round the house. The house would be immaculate, we would have lovely homemade meals every day, lots of walks with the dogs in the surrounding countryside and trips into the village to do my food shopping at the greengrocers and butchers (rather than the reality which is a quick stop at the Co-Op on the way home to pick up a pizza or lasagne to bung in the oven 😭). We live in a beautiful old house in a lovely rural village and I feel like we never get chance to make the most of it.

I could do that for the next 30-40 years and never get bored.

I did do this for sixteen years and it was wonderful. I went to work for many years before I had children and I went back to work after youngest started seniors (needs must) but I loved every second of being a sahm (especially when the kids were at school). I loved not having a boss, I loved doing what I wanted, I loved spending the afternoon at sport’s day or going to the parent/child lunch invites at school. I loved meeting my friend who had also given up work and we’d go shopping or round each other’s houses. Never bored or wished I was at work. I work part time now but I’d give that up in a heartbeat too.

On a more realistic and practical note though giving up financial independence is very risky.

Adooree · 15/10/2025 10:03

I hate going to parties
I hate Christmas
I hate attending Weddings .

Purplecatshopaholic · 15/10/2025 10:04

People shouldn’t have kids if they can’t afford them.
I get Botox.

noidea69 · 15/10/2025 10:04

Women love "true crime" because their lives are boring.

shhblackbag · 15/10/2025 10:05

SunnieShine · 15/10/2025 08:49

Most parents do.

And many don't hide it as well as they think they do.

JHound · 15/10/2025 10:05

KimTheresPeopleThatAreDying · 15/10/2025 09:54

Being fat is seen as a moral failing. Probably goes back to the days when food was scarce: if you were perceived to be overeating when others in your community were literally starving, you were a bad person.

We haven’t shed that idea. There’s a perception that you need to suffer and do penance for your indulgence.

Nowadays there’s an “obesity crisis” and fat people are seen as creating unnecessary strain on the NHS.

So if there’s a way that someone can lose excess weight easily, without suffering, then it’s seen as “cheating”, because they aren’t paying the appropriate price.

That's what's weird - it does not make losing weight 'easy'. It just removes the biological barriers that impact those suffering from obesity. It makes it a fair fight.

They still have to do the hard work of modifying diet, sticking to an exercise routine etc.

BunnyLake · 15/10/2025 10:05

Adooree · 15/10/2025 10:03

I hate going to parties
I hate Christmas
I hate attending Weddings .

I can agree on all three.

I loved Christmas when the kids were young but everyone including extended family, are adults now, no kids. It’s an utter pain to even have to think about it.

FlorenceAndTheSewingMachine · 15/10/2025 10:06

I tell my husband I'm OK most of the time even though I'm in so much pain and I lay awake at nights imagining how nice it would be to die and just be free of this pain.
But I could never do anything to hurt my family so I just pretend it's not that bad.

JHound · 15/10/2025 10:07

BunnyLake · 15/10/2025 10:03

I did do this for sixteen years and it was wonderful. I went to work for many years before I had children and I went back to work after youngest started seniors (needs must) but I loved every second of being a sahm (especially when the kids were at school). I loved not having a boss, I loved doing what I wanted, I loved spending the afternoon at sport’s day or going to the parent/child lunch invites at school. I loved meeting my friend who had also given up work and we’d go shopping or round each other’s houses. Never bored or wished I was at work. I work part time now but I’d give that up in a heartbeat too.

On a more realistic and practical note though giving up financial independence is very risky.

You see I love the idea of waking up when I want and not having a boss....but I want to do that without having to do any domestic labour, childcare or emotional labour! 😄

pictoosh · 15/10/2025 10:07

Most tattoos by far are bloody awful. If you're going to do it, save up for a top-notch artist (who you may have to book well in advance and travel for) and come up with an original idea. Getting 'inked' by Billy Scratcher on the High Street is almost always instantly regrettable.

What I say in rl...
"Oh that's lovely!"

ChessBess · 15/10/2025 10:08

BunnyLake · 15/10/2025 09:49

Why are the jabs such an issue for you? Genuinly curious.

Ultimately I couldn’t care less because overall it will help the NHS in the long term. But there is a nanny state whereby responsibility is taken off individuals and personal accountability seems to be diminishing for many things, not just this.

There is being understanding that some people find it more difficult to lose weight and I have respect for the honestly of those that say yeah I loved my food and I really struggled for years with cravings etc… and own it.

What I can’t be arsed with is those (like some on this thread) who make out that there is a fundamental difference in the way some bodies work and their bodies are predisposed to being fat regardless of what they do. That’s bollocks. If it were true then the jabs wouldn’t work yet they do so it proves that they were eating too many calories to start with.

askmenow · 15/10/2025 10:08

UncharteredWaters · 14/10/2025 23:10

I think a lot of benefit claimants are cheating the system.

Cash in hand jobs, partners living there, exaggerated mental health claims. Lots of massaging the truth.

This is the truth. But what to say when you know some of these fraudsters. It’s so obvious to all around but who’s going to police it.

The benefits system is way to lax and our Civil Servants don’t do their jobs properly.

Or should I say those at the top don’t properly manage their staff to chase the perps. After all it’s only taxpayers money going down the tubes.

Galatine · 15/10/2025 10:09

Luckystar67 · 15/10/2025 00:20

I wish that over 80s should be de prioritised by the NHS as they take up so many of it's resources.

Great idea. I’ll just take back the thousands I’ve paid, and still pay, in tax; not to mention National Insurance and go private!

JHound · 15/10/2025 10:10

@pictoosh

I'm not interested in transgender issues. At all. Be who you like, it has no impact on me. I'm cool with whatever suits you. I'm not arsed to hear about it though. Get on with your day.

Same. Luckily I can (and do) admit this in real life. I just don't care. Most people around me seem to think the same. Just no interest either way. It seems so overblown as an issue. I don't want to hear about it. I don't care.

Doris86 · 15/10/2025 10:10

UncharteredWaters · 14/10/2025 23:10

I think a lot of benefit claimants are cheating the system.

Cash in hand jobs, partners living there, exaggerated mental health claims. Lots of massaging the truth.

I think that too and will happily admit to it!

pictoosh · 15/10/2025 10:10

ThatsNotMyNameAlan · 15/10/2025 10:02

Do you think men who think they’re women should be allowed into female spaces/sports etc?

Like I said...no point asking me.

Goldfsh · 15/10/2025 10:10

I think all working-age state benefits should be dependent on household income.

Also, I always piss in the shower at the gym. The toilet is the other side of the changing room, and you have to dry off before you cross the changing room. And I don't want to dry off swimming pool water and make my towel wet. In my defence I do aim for the drain.

DrowningInSyrup · 15/10/2025 10:11

Mademetoxic · 15/10/2025 09:49

Yes I do know people who are taking the piss. For sure. I see them regularly enough to know that they can work.

So they have no medical evidence and their PIP assessor and or medical professionals has been in touch with you to tell you this. I'm very surprised, but you say it is so, so it must be so.

I suggest you take all your evidence and report them.

Starlight1984 · 15/10/2025 10:11

BunnyLake · 15/10/2025 10:03

I did do this for sixteen years and it was wonderful. I went to work for many years before I had children and I went back to work after youngest started seniors (needs must) but I loved every second of being a sahm (especially when the kids were at school). I loved not having a boss, I loved doing what I wanted, I loved spending the afternoon at sport’s day or going to the parent/child lunch invites at school. I loved meeting my friend who had also given up work and we’d go shopping or round each other’s houses. Never bored or wished I was at work. I work part time now but I’d give that up in a heartbeat too.

On a more realistic and practical note though giving up financial independence is very risky.

We don't even have children (hence why I know it would be frowned upon if I actually did it!)

But I agree with you about the financial security. Which is probably why it's just a pipe dream for now 😭

Starlight1984 · 15/10/2025 10:13

pictoosh · 15/10/2025 09:49

People who use balloon arches are balloons themselves. They look crap.

Edited

😂I agree though.

BunnyLake · 15/10/2025 10:13

Mademetoxic · 15/10/2025 09:53

There are definitely genuine people out there, but mumsnet doesn't like to hear that people take the piss with these things.

It’s a reason I don’t claim for anything and still work, even though work is agonising for me. I feel if someone knew (not sure how they would though but I worry about it) and saw me walking around, carrying shopping, doing some gardening, taking the bins out etc they would think I was lying but I’m actually in constant (sometimes extreme) pain.

AquaForce · 15/10/2025 10:13

I'll have the opportunity to settle some old scores in a rather dramatic and effective way in the future. Part of me thinks, 'do it, they've had it coming', the other thought is, 'take the high road and walk away'. I constantly switch from one to the other.

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 15/10/2025 10:13

To the people saying thin people also have food noise, I find this really confusing, admittedly as a fat autistic person. I do have rigid thinking, and I know this probably contributes to my confusion.

Everything in my life is pathologised by the professionals involved in my care. One of our senses is interoception, the ability to feel things going on inside our bodies, the main ones being pain, temperature and hunger. When you're autistic you can feel these on varying levels. I have really poor interoception. I've had to have a health passport built because I can't tell when I'm actually dying and it leads to a lot of diagnostic overshadowing. I had sepsis, peri and myocarditis and the only thing I realised about myself was that my skin was red. I didn't realise my shoulder was dislocated, just that my arm wouldn't move. I'm always either too hot or too cold. I complain whatever the weather. With hunger, I never just feel hungry. I feel like I'm starving. I feel so sick and so nauseous, and I get the shakes. When I'm eating, I never eat just the right amount because even while I'm eating I feel like I'm starving until suddenly I feel fit to burst. Then not long after the feeling of starvation comes back. On WLI, that horrible feeling of starving goes.

I know in my case it's probably extreme, not everybody facing obesity is autistic, but obesity itself is a disease. It can affect how you process your hunger hormones and your fullness hormones, and the sensation this gives you in your body and the timings of these sensations.

My nan, who has been thin all her life doesn't know what food noise is. She eats when she's hungry and she stops when she's full. My own child eats when he is hungry and he stops when he is full.

I also eat when I'm hungry and I stop when I'm full but I feel hungrier more often than they do, and I don't get the feeling of fullness till much later, even if I give myself small portions, even if I give myself 20 minutes before continuing, even if I chug loads of water to make my stomach heavy.

Obesity is a disease you pretty much have all of your life even if you've been obese and you have managed to lose the weight, and it needs to be managed. For some people that can be managed with the right foods and for others it can't simply just be managed by moderating foods and it needs medical or surgical intervention.

I'm not saying things people never feel hunger or don't hold off or can eat what they want, but it's not like that for everybody. Everybody has a sense of interoception and some people just know what their bodies need and can cope with that.

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