Things you wouldn't admit to in real life

[TwinklyFawn]

Light hearted. I dislike my mum's boyfriend. I am sick of his constant grunting when i ask him a question. It is like he is incapable of saying yes or no to a simple question. He is a terrible bus driver. He drives like he is on a race track.

I think a lot of benefit claimants are cheating the system.

Cash in hand jobs, partners living there, exaggerated mental health claims. Lots of massaging the truth.

That I think 95% of facial aesthetics looks ridiculous

Oh my gosh me too! It does me in. I hate them. Such a faff. I had a loss recently and my house was full of them and I couldn’t wait to throw them out. I felt so guilty that large expensive bouquets kept arriving. I’d far rather have a plant or something for the garden. The only flowers I buy myself in Spring is daffodils as they are joyous.

Never been married or had kids or got engaged or lived with anyone. Never even been close. Have spent large swathes of my adult life single and now 53. Thought I’d cracked it with a four year relationship recently until it went tits up a year ago because he admitted that he didn’t love me. Slowly dawning on me that it’s not them, it’s me, and my self esteem is so low that it could parachute out of a snakes arse.

I married my husband cause I wanted to be financially looked after. I loved him at the time but wasn’t in love with. I have developed a deep love and respect for him but he wasn’t the love of my life. I was 27. I hadn’t become the international, jet setting career woman I had envisioned. I was sick of my London flat share.

I think David Bowie was overrated.

Not even sorry.

@SunshineAndFizz me too!! They are such a pain in the arse I find, finding a vase working where to put it. Cleaning the vase after. Also I am never at home to enjoy them! Always at work! Pointless gift for me really. Mother in law keeps buying me them (she is the only one mind) haven't the heart to tell her

Sometimes when I’m home alone and both DD and DP are working/doing something else I order my favourite takeaway, watch something I like and dispose of the evidence.

Then I act like “no, I haven’t had any Chinese this month, what a great idea, let’s order”.
😇

I use sarcasm to tell people to their face what I really think of them they think I'm joking I'm not

This will not be secret 😆

I hate flowers too, DH went through a phase of sending me proper florist bouquets years ago when we really had better things to spend our money on. I would much rather have a packet of Kettle Chips 😳.

I sometimes don't leave the house between Mon-Fri, especially with dark nights. I can be quite bad for not washing my hair if I know I'm staying in when it really needs washed every second day, hair down for 2 days then ponytail for 2 days 🤫. I was a bit mortified with my greasy mop when I had to take my Dad to A&E....

I expect you’ve thought of this, but could you use the vouchers to buy presents for the people who give them to you, if you’re expected to buy them presents. Or buy stuff for charities? Like positive money laundering?

It definitely should be more tightly regulated, I know of a few shockingly unfair situations.

I know that married couple A&B met much earlier than they claim, at a different place than they claim and at a time when they were both married to other people.

They don't know that I know this (and I can't get into how I do) but when they mention how lucky it is that they met at X place, something that they do a lot then I smile and agree whilst inwardly thinking "bollocks".

How does everyone know this accept me i thought I was being so subtle. So when I say to my boss morning knobhead planning on doing any actual work today he knows🙈

I married DH because I was desperate to settle down and have children. I convinced myself that I loved him at the start of the relationship because he was a decent sort, but certainly didn't on my wedding day. We didn't spend a single minute of the reception together. I vividly remember my new SIL coming over and laughing to come and watch my DH's drunken dancing, and privately thinking that I really didn't give a toss and just wanted to chat to my friends.

I'm sure it was painfully obvious to everybody around us; he didn't love me either.

We're still married, eleven years later.

Quite a few things!

I got married to get away from my mother.

I wish I hadn't had children.

I had an affair with a married man when I was single.

I left my 1st partner for my 2nd.

I got someone sacked and prevented someone else from getting promoted.

There's more but I won't go on. 😂😂😂

I sometimes wish my mum hadn't stopped drinking. Because now I'm going to be sad when she dies.

What’s the difference?

I am exactly the same. It almost annoys me when I get them, even though on another level I appreciate the gesture. I know I sound like an ungrateful cow

Sounds like y'all would enjoy Fesshole on Twitter.

Ditto.

Awwww you're struggling with health/bereavement/new baby/stress of moving .... Here's something else for you to have to look after and worry about keeping alive.

DH and DM buy me Lego flowers now. Or Lego birds.

When this thread ran a few weeks ago it got very dark very quickly.

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Well op wrote lighthearted so I didn't think it was appropriate to talk about where I hid the bodies

People think I’ve got a habit of not thinking before I open my mouth and say something tactless. Well actually, I’m saying it because I’m sick of your bullshit and I want to shut you up. It’s not accidental.