Inheritance

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Inspired by a currently active thread, surely there must be some MNetters out there who haven't inherited anything from grandparents or parents? DF is still alive - I'm pretty sure DM, who passed away a couple of years ago, left everything to him, and I'm not holding out for any inheritance from DF as I feel it is safer to assume any assets could well be eaten up by care home fees or any unexpected events. I inherited nothing from any grandparents. Yes, you bet I am jealous of those who have been more fortunate than I in this area! Is it just a Mumsnet thing where people expect to, or have received, an inheritance?

It's you who isn't getting what these PPs are saying. I expected that my DP's money would be used in care home fees so I didn't anticipate getting an inheritance and planned accordingly. In the end they died much earlier than expected and mum went very quickly. It left me enough money to retire early and travel, but i would have given back every penny to have had another 10 years with her and her being able to enjoy her own life for longer.

Of course we expect our parents to die before us, it's the nature of the sudden / early / unexpected passing that causes these feelings.

My parents have done this. So if one dies & the other subsequently needs to go into a care home only half the house will be used for care fees. The other half is left to the DC by the deceased parent.

My mother - lives abroad in social housing, there will be nothing to inherit. In fact she's already asserted that she will die owing a lot of money on credit cards.

My father - been totally estranged since 1989. Don't know where he lives, even if he's still alive. No inheritance there, either.

Both parents managed to alienate their respective families decades ago. All grandparents are now deceased, didn't leave anything to either parent or myself and my brothers...didn't expect them to.

I don't think getting an inheritance eases the pain of losing a parent and I say that as someone who has never inherited anything and lost my father quite young. It's not like you have any control over how long your parents live or what your parent's do with their money and the financial decisions they make.

You wouldn't tell someone who's lost a parent and not received an inheritance 'at least you were privileged enough to be born into Western society, so are richer than the majority of the world's population'.

My dad announced a few months ago that he's leaving everything to my brother. I've looked after him and my late mum for years but after my husband died I had to reduce what I did - I just needed time to grieve. He's annoyed that I'm not at his beck and call . All I feel is immense relief - I don't need a penny from him and it's wonderful to have my life back. And no my brother doesn't do much for him either!

On my mum's side there was very little left.

They manage finances very carefully on my dad's side, split between 5 siblings who share responsibility for a disabled relative who has lived in care their whole life.

My parents have given us significant sums, and outlined what they intend to leave us.

I just wish they'd a) have spent a bit more money on fun when we're young - I can earn my own money now, I was under their excessively frugal regime as a child, and b) they'd spend a bit more money enjoying themselves and with us now as adults.

Agreed. I lost my dad to cancer and the last few months of his life were horrible, he was in constant pain. If he had died in his sleep overnight in good health, it would have been preferable.

An inheritance would have cushioned the blow for his children and wife.

I always find it’s the people who have an inheritance who say things like they would give it all back for a day with their parents.

So who should have paid for your Dad's care, in a home that sounds like it cost more than the council would have covered?

I inherited just shy of £20k from an estranged grandparent (all the grandkids did, our parents were bypassed). Both mine and DHs parents are divorced, all home owners, savings etc. So in theory we will inherit a fair amount, as the eldest in both families we are executors for all bar 1 parent. Usual caveat of care home fees etc.

4 grandparents remain (all on my side) into their 90s so I expect my parents to inherit at some point. Given they are both mortgage free some of that may trickle down to me and my siblings.

I appreciate we are in a privileged position. We both work, have good pensions etc. I expect if we do inherit a lot of it will be passed on to our boys. Our parents are relatively young, mid 60s, so I expect them to be around for a long long time and am not banking on anything.

Both my parents had died by the time I was 21, I didn't get a bean. The sense of entitlement on display here at times does amuse me. I remember someone moaning about having to pay inheritance tax, it didn't seem to occur to them to be grateful that a large amount of unearned money had landed in their lap.

I was led to believe I would be inheriting. I did the bulk of the care and worry for 20 odd years.My male sibling influenced my mother and got the lot.

Of course I would not rather my parents were dead. That was not my point.

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Only my uncle. He never married. His partner was unpleasant & tried to disinherit her own DC.

However, DF has since found out what's in Uncle's will & has had a go at him, telling him to leave some to his siblings! (Not from me - I'm executor & have a copy of the will so it's confidential - despite DM's creative attempts to get me to let it slip!! 🤣)

I’ve never received any inheritance as my grandparents on both sides believed my mother and father would be fair and pass on some money to their children. They didn’t 😂

I was not surprised as I know my parents well enough to know what they’re like, I suppose it’s sort of sad that their parents didn’t 🤷🏻‍♀️

Hasn’t upset me though as I never expected anything, I think if you expect something it must sting a lot more.

This. This is what I was trying to say!

I was very fortunate. Our late parents’ home passed to me and my sister. With my share I was able to get my son on the housing ladder

I didn’t get (or expect) anything from parents or grandparents. My DS received a lump sum and child pension when his DF died suddenly, he was only 11 at the time so I’ve been investing that for him. I’ve been topping up accounts for him (as far as T&Cs allow) in a bid to keep inheritance tax (and it’s paperwork!) down for him…but need to look at it all again when pensions fall into inheritance tax from next year. I acknowledge it’s a ‘nice’ problem to have.

You also get what I was trying to say!

I have no idea if I will ever inherit any money or not. Depends if my parents need residential care towards the end of their lives I guess - with my two siblings likely to still be living abroad when that time comes, I’m thinking residential care is likely because I can’t do any caring that might be needed alone.

I don’t like to think about it anyway.

I am not expecting anything from my parents, they aren't in good health and don't seem to be trying to do anything about it. However, I'm finding it hard not to be jealous of my brother, him and SIL have just inherited a lot of money, at least £300K from a parent, they are already high earners. The other parent is still living, in an expensive care home, but her parents were very well off, and savvy with money so that's not an issue.

I guess I just feel sad that I'd divorcing due to my STBExH being a lying cheater and my brother is living a life of luxury through no hard work of his own.

Thing is, the money needed to care for our parents in later life needs to come from somewhere. There's no ideal solution, but either it comes from our parents (sale of home / savings) or from the state. And where does the state's money come from? Us, of course. When my beloved FIL died, everything went to our SIL. We were glad, as she'd had a hard life and we are comfortably off. All my father's money is currently being swallowed up in care home fees - but it's a wonderful care home and he's so happy there. He worked so hard all his life and he deserves to have as comfortable a life as possible. (I love him to bits and am so happy he's happy. I'd have him to live with us, but we'd have to move house and he needs access to 24 hour nursing care).

Yes, I am not empty handed by any means - I inherited 2 copies of the apoe4 gene, so I do have a great chance of getting Alzheimer’s.

I was very lucky in that I inherited from my parents (only child), didn't need to put it into property as I was living in my partner's (now husband's) house, so most of it was invested. Another relative died last year and left me half her estate (quite substantial), but I have come to learn that money certainly doesn't guarantee you happiness. I would much rather have my lovely parents and aunt back with me.

If anyone really thinks waiting on an inheritance, getting furious when it doesn't go your way etc is a Mumsnet thing, try reading some Charles Dickens novels.