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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance

441 replies

realsavagelike · 14/10/2025 00:21

Inspired by a currently active thread, surely there must be some MNetters out there who haven't inherited anything from grandparents or parents? DF is still alive - I'm pretty sure DM, who passed away a couple of years ago, left everything to him, and I'm not holding out for any inheritance from DF as I feel it is safer to assume any assets could well be eaten up by care home fees or any unexpected events. I inherited nothing from any grandparents. Yes, you bet I am jealous of those who have been more fortunate than I in this area! Is it just a Mumsnet thing where people expect to, or have received, an inheritance?

OP posts:
OrangeTatin · 14/10/2025 06:26

This is why people put their houses into a trust, and also start savings pots for their DC as soon as they are born.

I think it's harder these days - DF helped me while living with a deposit. However for my generation its a lot harder - less likely to have 30k - 60k hanging around in cash for a gifted deposit.

DoAWheelie · 14/10/2025 06:26

TheHairInClaudiasEyes · 14/10/2025 06:20

Apply for a provisional driving licence. It’s £34.

Show quote history

I'm banned from driving for medical reasons. I also have no one who could sign a passport for me.

LBFseBrom · 14/10/2025 06:28

Being jealous is an unhealthy and ugly emotion. I'm more concerned about that than anything else.

Not everyone inherits much or even anything, depends what the deceased actually had. It's nice if you do, not that unusual if you don't.

Live your life and stop thinking about what others may have.

MaggieBsBoat · 14/10/2025 06:28

Shamrockshirley · 14/10/2025 04:01

One in four people will use up all funds on care, so there’s a 50:50 chance your parents will leave you nothing.

🤣 off topic but funny maths post make me laugh so hard.

YANBU OP but this will reduce over time. This generation getting the inheritances will get smaller and smaller, diminishing returns and all that.
I finally managed to buy a house at 45 and my only goal with it is to leave it to the kids.
I very much hope that my parents enjoy their money while they can and of course any money they need for care is money well spent. They worked hard all their lives I wouldn’t scrimp on their care in old age even if it means no inheritance.

FrangipaniBlue · 14/10/2025 06:31

My mum died intestate 23 years ago so everything went to my step dad.

He died 5 years ago and left everything to his nieces and new partner.

I’ve made my peace with it.

springintoaction2 · 14/10/2025 06:31

Yes - I inherited £30k off my Mum, but as someone said upthread, I would have much rather had her around for a few more years Sad than have the money.

Fortunate for her that she died after a sudden illness, but such a shock for all of us.

The money was used towards buying a house, we were already on the property ladder, but this enabled us to have a much smaller mortgage.

PersephoneParlormaid · 14/10/2025 06:32

I never received anything from grandparents, and wouldn’t expect to. Neither will I leave anything to mine, it will go to my children.

PersephoneParlormaid · 14/10/2025 06:33

@FrangipaniBlue me too.

SkipAd · 14/10/2025 06:37

All grandparents very working class, had nothing to leave.
Dad left everything to step mum who then left everything to her son.
Mum hasn’t anything to leave.

So no inheritance ever. Luckily my husband had a very good job and has a very good pension and mine’s pretty good too so we are very comfortable, but we haven’t and won’t have any inheritance whatsoever.

Luddite26 · 14/10/2025 06:40

DF disinherited me. Had over a million in the bank and a house worth half a million. Left most to his DD who was 16 when he died i was 48. £50000 to another kid who when he had a DNA test done wasn't his but he brought him up although he had paid off a lot of gambling debts for him in the years before he died. Another child a year younger than me received 5k . But she had already had a house bought years before. Don't know why I was kicked out of the will I had been in it once upon a time. I think he could have left some to my children - his only grandchildren there was enough in a million for dsis to have still had a good start in life but he didn't and that's life. I'm not jealous but not getting anything made me feel like I was unworthy and that's how I had always been with him anyway. I've worked through that and I feel free of him now he's gone. DM has nothing and has never had a bean and if she had it would be spent on cats as that's what she has done for decades!

1984Winston · 14/10/2025 06:40

I won't be getting anything, technically should get a small amount amount from my parents house but its abroad and my dad's second wife is trying to sell it and keep all the money. My brothers in laws just randomly received £75k from a distant relative and they weren't sure what to do with it as they have already inherited from parents/aunts. I thought yesterday I really didn't think at my age I would still be struggling so much for money despite always working and my DH has a good job too.

muddyford · 14/10/2025 06:43

I inherited nothing from my grandparents and am not relying on anything from my parents. It can so quickly get poured into the bottomless pit of care fees.

Alittlefrustrated · 14/10/2025 06:45

DemonsandMosquitoes · 14/10/2025 06:20

My dad died young and my mum was killed in a car accident. I got a reasonable inheritance, invested it all and will retire next year at 55. DH has a much more sizeable inheritance from his DF. His DM is in a care home but there will be a good amount left even if she lives another ten years (unlikely). We feel very fortunate in some ways, but plan to drip feed money down to our young adult DC much much sooner and die with very little left.

I don't have a lot of money, but do have savings. As an older mother of a single child (DP, his DF, has seperate finances as I'm a spender and he isn't) I too intend to ensure DC benefits whilst I'm alive. Even that's made difficult by the government though. I'm starting with a child ISA for the 3 years left until he's 18. At least that's a start - you can put £9k a year in.
I'll provide a house deposit when needed, assuming I'm still able.

nomas · 14/10/2025 06:56

I’m with you, OP. No inheritance, no help with house deposit, or with wedding etc or university costs etc.

But I know my grandparents would have done anything for my parents and my parents would do anything for me.

ThatNaiceMember · 14/10/2025 06:56

Ilovechocolatetoomuch · 14/10/2025 05:59

I lost my mum, dad, fil and grandad all around the age of 30.
we got quite a lot of inheritance which paid off our mortgage.
I would rather have had nothing and kept my parents another 20 years

I did inherit and also would give it all and more to have my parents back. Im sorry you lot your parents and grandad so young. I'm closer to 50 and still feel it was too soon.

Wadadli · 14/10/2025 06:56

MermaidMummy06 · 14/10/2025 04:45

We were expected to inherit a reasonable amount from parents & a childless uncle of mine. No expectations from us, though.

There DF has lost it all through poor investing & anything left will be eaten in care fees. FIL has remarried & diverted most of his in his will & what's left supports his ill health. My uncle has decided (ok his wife did) that no one was getting anything & it's all being left to charity. (This one only stings because I've done a lot for him & he wants me to manage his age care).

Am I jealous of those who inherit? Absolutely yes. But in the end, as long as we're not having to pay for their age care or be left to sort out debts, they don't owe us anything.

Tell your (aunt and) uncle no! Let them use that money for paid care instead of taking the piss out of you.

thepariscrimefiles · 14/10/2025 06:57

FlakyRedLion · 14/10/2025 06:03

My mother dropped dead completely unexpectedly last year. Only 69. Worked incredibly hard right up to the day of her death. Left me about $1.5 million (Australian). I would give it all back. I am destroyed and so depressed. I often wish I was dead too. So the inheritance is not all it’s cracked up to be.

I'm sorry for your loss. However, many people lose parents early and don't get an inheritance. My mum died suddenly at 54 when I was 25 with a new baby. I was distraught. There was no inheritance as it all went to my dad who married again very quickly and left everything to my stepmother when he died, despite a lot of the money coming from my mum's inheritances from her parents.

Inheritances do often cushion the blow of losing your parents. Otherwise there wouldn't be such outrage when people think that the Government might raise inheritance tax so they might inherit a little bit less than they originally anticipated.

nomas · 14/10/2025 06:58

Ilovechocolatetoomuch · 14/10/2025 05:59

I lost my mum, dad, fil and grandad all around the age of 30.
we got quite a lot of inheritance which paid off our mortgage.
I would rather have had nothing and kept my parents another 20 years

But would you rather have lost them and had no inheritance? An inheritance is a blessing and a cushion from life.

Seymour5 · 14/10/2025 06:58

DoAWheelie · 14/10/2025 06:26

I'm banned from driving for medical reasons. I also have no one who could sign a passport for me.

Show quote history

What about applying for a disabled person’s bus pass from your local authority. They’re free.

LifeBeginsToday · 14/10/2025 06:58

Shamrockshirley · 14/10/2025 04:01

One in four people will use up all funds on care, so there’s a 50:50 chance your parents will leave you nothing.

A one in four event happening twice isn't 50/50 it's 1 in 16

DBD1975 · 14/10/2025 07:00

I never knew my grandparents and had a small inheritance from my Dad.
However I wish he had spent every penny on enjoying himself and his comfort rather than leaving it to me. He lived a very frugal life and didn't like spending money (war baby and of that generation).
I don't envy people who get an inheritance, I envy people who have very close loving families, strong family connections and a support unit around them, to me that is far more important than any inheritance.
I am not well off, live a very modest existence and have worked hard all my life but have had to do everything for myself with no family support and I can't help but envy people who have that.

Coconutter24 · 14/10/2025 07:01

4catsaremylife · 14/10/2025 02:16

My mum died and left everything in a mirror will to dad who had undiagnosed dementia and rapidly declined after her death.
After I endured a hellish 13 months of working full time, parenting my own ND adult children still at home, trying to manage paid carers, cleaning dad's home, doing his shopping etc, then he had one fall too many and had to move into a lovely nursing home which he quickly settled in (TBF I would move there in the blink of an eye just for the rest and cooked breakfast). Within 9 months all savings gone within 12, their beautiful bungalow was sold to pay for the fees, it made me feel sick.
My mum would have been furious for the grandchildren's inheritance to disappear had she realised it would happen. She had always hoped to leave them each enough for a home deposit.

Your mum would have been furious? Her husband got what sounds like great care towards the end of his life. Surely that’s more important than your kids getting a deposit for a home? If your dad hadn’t of paid for his own care then it would have by the sounds of it fallen to you. That money wasn’t yours or your kids inheritance it was your dads

Sortalike · 14/10/2025 07:02

Wasn't me this happened to, but relatives: their parents divorced, their mum remarried, when she died, her new husband inherited everything, including all her jewellery and other sentimental items. New Husband has been on the scene for approx 5 years so its left quite the source taste in their mouths.

And yes - no one is entitled to an inheritance, but for goodness sake make a will. Derek got the lot because Doris didn't make one.

Sunfloweranddaisy · 14/10/2025 07:02

Never inherited anything from grandparents and also will not inherit anything from parents either.
Sadly the way things are mine won’t inherit from me either as I don’t own a home or anything.