AIBU to ask you what a "neurotypical" person is like?

153 replies

SplishSplash123 · 13/10/2025 21:59

I am a bit intrigued as to whether it's reasonable to think that NT people are put on a bit of a pedestal at times and assumed to have none of the issues that ND people have, when in reality I think most of us (NT and ND) have areas of strength and weakness and it's perfectly possible for someone to be NT and procrastinate/be forgetful/struggle with time blindness etc.

This comes from a debate with a friend recently where she said a parking fine should be voided if someone has ADHD because they have a reasonable excuse. She didn't accept my argument that it would then be just as valid for someone without ADHD, who might generally be forgetful, or who was simply having a very stressful day, to have also had a reasonable excuse.

I also see this in work sometimes, where people without reasonable adjustment passports are told to "get on" with things they struggle with (e.g. having to spend more time answering the phones to cover for colleagues who have had this part of their job taken away from them) without any understanding that this can be stressful and draining for some NT people too.

To be clear, I'm not saying people with ND don't have any right to reasonable adjustments/reasonable excuses etc (I believe they absolutely do!) but to want to acknowledge that we can all struggle with things at times and need a bit of understanding/support.

OP posts:

Sprogonthetyne · 18/10/2025 22:23

Of course NT people can forget things or find things difficult. The same was as people who aren't depressed can still feel sad sometimes or people without without physically conditions can still have aches after heavy exercise. It doesn't make it the same thing

Marshmallow4545 · 19/10/2025 07:21

Sprogonthetyne · 18/10/2025 22:23

Of course it can be experienced as exactly the same thing. The underlying cause may be considered different i.e. someone's forgetfulness could be linked to other traits that appear to align with our current definition of ADHD whilst someone else's doesn't but that doesn't mean that it is fundamentally different. Remember how we diagnosed ADHD has changed significantly over the previous two decades and people that previously wouldn't have met the threshold for a diagnosis now might. Does that mean that their struggles were incomparable until the DSM-5 was updated to include them? It makes absolutely no sense.

OwlBeThere · 20/10/2025 13:41

PaperSheet · 18/10/2025 10:45

I said this earlier on but no one could give me a decent answer. If the world was “designed” by ND people how would it look? Because all ND are different. For example. I read on here all the time that schools are not designed for ND people because of all the sitting down at desks and working and having to be quiet and wear a uniform and it’s too structured. For me, as a child with autism (who didn’t know I was autistic at the time) I loved that. I thrived in a silent classroom doing my work. If a child was playing up it totally distracted me and I could no longer focus. And constant noises (pen tapping, humming, tongue clicking etc) would mean I could no longer concentrate and in extreme cases would almost totally shut down and stop working completely (which led to me getting in trouble for not finishing work). On here you read people saying classrooms should be more ND friendly so less structured, no uniform, more movement breaks, children allowed fidget toys and clickers. I would have absolutely hated that. In fact I’m not sure how much I would have coped and I may have ended up doing absolutely terrible in school. Luckily (for me), I always attended quite strict schools. But I do wonder if being in a school with constant noises may have caused me to start in school meltdowns (at the time these were purely at home only).

Now I do actually appreciate that some children do NOT thrive in the same environment as I love. But what is the answer? This is my question. How do you make schools inclusive to ALL types of ND children. I once pointed out to someone on a similar thread that if their child was playing with their fidget toy next to me in school I wouldn’t have coped. I was told I was ableist and in that situation I should have to leave the classroom and be educated elsewhere as their child was entitled to adjustments and I either needed to suck it up or leave. So as usual, the quiet ND children get told to shut up and suck it up. To be honest though, I would have loved to be educated in a classroom totally by myself or just with other quiet children. It would have been my dream. But then surely the accusations of “othering” would start. Or separating the “good” from the “bad” children. I really don’t think parents of the noisy children would allow that. There would definitely be complaints. Also what if I child could only cope in silence but they themselves needed to make noise? What class are they in? As we all know our own noises are often different to other people’s.

So again, in this utopia of a world designed by ND people, how does it work in include and make life easy for ALL? How does it work for people with ADHD and time blindness when they might be late and it would be easier for them to start work whenever they turn up? But remember, surely you can’t discriminate and tell them they can’t do certain jobs if that’s what they really want to do? How does that work with people like me who love strict time keeping and want my world to run on time all the time? (Obviously I know it can’t and I’ve developed coping mechanisms to deal with that). But on here if you suggest coping mechanisms to someone with ADHD you get told it’s impossible and everyone else needs to learn to live with it instead.

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I agree with you that there is no simple one size fits all answer, because as you say no two autistic people are the same. The same as not all people who don’t enjoy school as it is are ND.
If I (or anyone) had the answer to how to make school inclusive at all times for everyone I’d be a very rich woman I suspect.
however it’s still true that the world is not set up for most disabled people to thrive.

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