To have an intense dislike of this child?

[MummyOf3abc]

I know I’m probably BU but as this is an anonymous forum I feel I can be truthful! I have an intense dislike for a neighbours kid. I have not ever felt this way about anyone, but I can’t help it. I’m wondering if I’m BU (probably) or would you also get annoyed by this kids behaviour. Here is a snapshot but remember it’s just a snapshot I’ve put up for nearly 3 years with her:

shes a neighbours kid and I know the mum very little, Her child (11 years old now) always knocks on our door to play with my DD (age 10) I let them play but I find her attitude so off she will for example argue at every point with me. DD didn’t want to play with her Saturday as she had a project for school but the kid knocked twice I told her DD doing work, she came back 30 mins later, I told her again, she huffed and puffed and demanded to speak to DD! My daughter came to the door and the neighbours kid in a very authority role voice told her to leave her work and play! I told her she will find her when she’s done and shut the door. She came 10-15 mins later with another girl whom DD really likes and I like too, I said it’s fine she can take a quick break. They all went into our garden and the neighbours kid using our outside tap started throwing water on the trampoline! I told her to stop as it’s dangerous and she in her usual attitude said “well we won’t play on it then will we”. I got a little cross at this point and asked her if she throws water on her own trampoline in her garden to which she replied no as her mum wouldn’t be happy. I then asked why is it okay to do to mine then which she ignored.

this is just ONE incident I could write many more! For context my DD never calls around to hers, she will call around to other kids but not her.

I really intensely hate this kid, please advise! I don’t have the heart to tell her to do one and never come around as she’s just 11 but God I’m losing my patience

Go away please. And repeat.

The mother who’s a professional so I would think would teach her more manners just lets her go off without even checking on her. I will at least poke my head around when she’s in her other friends garden (the girl she prefers spending time with). I just don’t understand how the mum just lets her be a nuisance to the neighbours

What’s a nicer way? I can’t imagine saying this (I think worse such as fuck off!) But I can’t actually be nasty. What’s wrong with me! I hate confrontations, for context I was second guessing myself when I asked her to stop wetting the trampoline

You just need to tell her. I’ve told you once that Dd isn’t coming out. Please stop knocking on the door.

she sounds massively annoying so YANBU at all

I also feel she mocks me - if I say no she will smirk then walk off rolling her eyes! What’s this behaviour called? Is there a word for it? I tried to explain it to my sister but just couldn’t get the right words to explain

Why on earth did you get your daughter when she demanded it? Next time just say no. You need to have firmer boundaries because she's clearly not a child who listens otherwise.

Likewise if she argues or misbehaves "Lucy, I've asked you not to throw water. If you continue I'll have to ask you to leave"- then when she argues "it's not up for discussion, I've asked you to stop or you will need to leave".

You need to throw her out every time she steps out of line.

Stop. That is not OK. You need to go home.

You dont need to pussyfoot around it. We do not speak to others like that. Its time for you to go home.

And when she keeps knocking you say do not knock again today.

I cant believe she demanded your daughter come to the door and you didn't simply shut it in her face instead.

Thank you all. Im so sorry I keep saying this but I really hate her. I am a doormat and people pleaser so standing up to people (even bossy 11 year olds!) is tough

‘Name’ is busy just now. Please stop coming to the door, I’ve already told you ‘name’ is busy…etc, etc, on repeat. She sounds a right pain, don’t put up with it.

You just need to be firm with her. It sounds like somebody needs to.
If she comes round and is cheeky, tell her to go home because you don't appreciate bad manners.

"Daughter not coming out today". Shut the door and don't open it again.
You are actually being bullied and intimidated by an 11 year old. You need to be stronger .

OP, I agree with others about setting really clear boundaries, but I will also give a warning: when my DC were younger, there was a girl up the road who liked to play with them. They were a little older - say, 12-13, and this other girl would come round all the time. My DC would play with her sometimes, but they weren’t that bothered. I sent her away a few times when they were busy/doing something else - and one day, this girl came round and uprooted all the pots and flowers at the front of our house. Of course I went to speak to her mother who was apologetic, but the problem with this sort of relationship is that it sounds as though the girl you don’t like wants to be friends with your DD more than your DD wants to be friends with this girl. After the incident, she didn’t come round nearly so often, but I did always have to keep an eye on things.

My DD had a friend like this when she was younger. I absolutely loathed this girl and couldn't bear to be around her. Very definition of an attention seeker. Then one day when I was about to blow my top at something she said I realised that she was goading to get a reaction because her parents gave her so little attention at home. All the focus was on her little brother and she just wanted a grown up to notice her. I'm not saying I liked her after that but I found her less unbearable after my attitude shifted.

@sesquipedalian thats awful! So destructive behaviour.

this one did something similar to me over summer - she took some of my decorative rocks and then denied it! I know it was her as we have Ring. I didn’t feel comfortable taking it any further as when I very briefly spoke to the mum of the girl my DD really likes the mum looked at me as I’m crazy and she said “oh kids will be kids” that’s why I felt maybe I was overthinking it.

Why on earth can't you tell her not to come to your house??? Second time she pops round after being told to go away I would march her to her parents and tell them she needs to stop coming round as its annoying.

Every time she comes round either dont answer the door or tell her to go away.

Dont worry if she sees you and realises you dont answer the door to her - she needs to learn her lesson.

“No” and shit the door in her face. Rude cheeky little madam. I can’t believe she demanded to speak to your daughter and you agreed! That is why she takes the piss out of you, because you’re an absolute doormat. Tell her to jog on.

I have some annoying kids coming round for my DC - I either ignore them or get my DC to tell them to go away. And then ignore them if they come again.

Its totally fine and acceptable.

I think a pertinent question is does your DD like playing with her? Because if not you really need to stand up for your own child and just send her away.

This has happened to me in the past. This is what I did, and it worked, in fact, I got to quite like her once the lines were drawn, and she realised I wouldn't tolerate any nonsense. Call her out on every infraction or rudeness. Be polite, firm and definite. Make it clear you have rules and boundaries and tell her clearly that if she doesn't get in line with these, she will be asked to leave. My guess is either her parents are soft and DGAF, or they are super strict so she tries to push the boundaries when she's out of their orbit. Whatever, it's YOUR house, YOUR rules.

“Excuse me, that’s rude, don’t talk to me like that”.

She needs to be told. She may just be rude but she may also not really realise what’s rude if her parents don’t set boundaries. Sometimes it’s easier for children to be told in a very direct and straight forward way.

The word you are looking for is insolence.

This child likely has limited boundaries at home or is just really nasty. I know she's 11 but it's happening more and more. You don't need to put up with it and Personally I'd also question why you would want your daughter even playing with a child like that. Don't be bullied by an 11 year old. I had an issue with a friend of my DD a few years ago who was a regular guest in my home but acted terribly. I decided I'd grow a pair and wasn't going to be treated like shit in my own home. She has not been welcomed back. She isn't my problem to educate or passing, she was rude and obnoxious in front of her parents, they did nothing so nope they won't come back.

"No, she's busy", the first time.

Second time, go back with her to her mum's house and tell her mum directly that you've told her no, and she's not to ask a second time, your DD will come around IF she's free.

She sounds very obnoxious. Be a lot firmer.

"No, she's not coming out now" (shut door)

You are letting children run rings around you. Be an adult.