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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Spying neighbour?

84 replies

Treesaregreen83 · 13/10/2025 18:17

Bit of a strange one. Sorry for the super long post. Just hoping to get some perspective as not sure if I'm over reacting and been a paranoid weirdo🙈. I purchased my home 15 years ago and in terms of neighbours they're all a good bunch, that was until 6 months ago when a couple started renting the house directly behind mine. We live in town houses with smallish patio type gardens so not a great deal of privacy but there are trees blocking the view of all but this one neighbour in particular.

The new neighbours spend alot of time outside smoking cannabis. They line their deck chairs up against their house, so they are spending hours just staring up at my house. The smell is awfull thay sometimes I've had to keep my kids windows shut even in 35° heat but I've turned a blind eye for an easy life.The windows that they can see into are my kitchen, kids bedrooms and bathroom. They litterally sit, outside for hours day and night just watching, staring up and in with a joint in their hand.

On numerous occasions I've noticed one of them watching me in the garden from one of their upstairs windows. When I have that feeling I turn around and see their curtains move as if someones jumped out of the way. I do have privacy glass in the bathroom but nothing in the kids room. It made me feel quite uneasy having them looking up when my kids were in the bath but as it's been summer and it's nice to have a bit of natural light, rather than drawing the blinds I invested in an extra layer of frosted privacy film so although you can see slight silhouette there's no detail. When the dark nights draw in and I have lights on I always shut the blinds anyway. I still convinced myself at this point that I was imaging the prying eyes and just been paranoid.

Today I noticed her watching me while I was doing the dishes in the kitchen so drew the blinds. She saw me do this and it's obviously enraged her as about an hour later she pushed and hand written note through my door. She went onto say in the note that she wants to let me know that my privacy glass in the bathroom isn't even private. She says she's been looking up and can see my whole family bathing. She went onto say that she was telling me for the sake of my privacy (Like she cares about privacy). She even told me that she knows where my bath is in the bathroom. To pin point this she's obviously spent time staring through my window when it's open. Now if this was genuinely a concerned neighbour giving me the heads up that my bathroom wasnt private I would take it as a kind tip off but shes litterally made no attempt to inform me of this and shes litterally spent 6 months happily watching us, and only once I've finally blocked her view, she's written me a snappy note. To be honest I feel a bit violated, not just for me but also my young children. Shes basically just openly admitted that she has been watching us in a letter😖. I don't really know what to do from here. Should I appraoch her? Report it incase its escalates? I feel like a hermit in my own own as I'm even shutting my blinds in the daytime now.

OP posts:
mirrorsandlights · 13/10/2025 19:07

Who would you report her to? She hasn’t done anything other than sit in her garden or look out of the window. You’ve only guessed she was enraged by you pulling the blinds across, perhaps she is merely telling you that your privacy arrangements just aren’t very effective. You say she has happily been watching you but what makes you think she has enjoyed it? Can you put some screening in the garden and invest in some more effective privacy blinds?

Dandelionsarepretty · 13/10/2025 19:16

Post the note here

Treesaregreen83 · 13/10/2025 19:20

mirrorsandlights · 13/10/2025 19:07

Who would you report her to? She hasn’t done anything other than sit in her garden or look out of the window. You’ve only guessed she was enraged by you pulling the blinds across, perhaps she is merely telling you that your privacy arrangements just aren’t very effective. You say she has happily been watching you but what makes you think she has enjoyed it? Can you put some screening in the garden and invest in some more effective privacy blinds?

I don't believe that anything is wrong with my current privacy provisions thanks. I have live in my property for 15 years quite happily before the nosey neighbour from hell moved in. If you think it's normal for someone to sit in their garden doing drugs all day staring up at your kids then I think you need a hard drive check🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
MissMoneyFairy · 13/10/2025 19:25

I don't see how anyone can see people bathing upstairs from looking up in their garden, can you put privacy film on the windows, you can see out but no one can see in.

mirrorsandlights · 13/10/2025 19:31

Treesaregreen83 · 13/10/2025 19:20

I don't believe that anything is wrong with my current privacy provisions thanks. I have live in my property for 15 years quite happily before the nosey neighbour from hell moved in. If you think it's normal for someone to sit in their garden doing drugs all day staring up at your kids then I think you need a hard drive check🤷‍♀️

Where did I say I thought someone doing drugs all day in the garden was ok? Clearly your privacy arrangements haven’t been very good as you are complaining about her looking in. You can’t really stop anyone from looking out of their windows or sitting in their garden.

StartingOverIn2025 · 13/10/2025 19:42

There’s quite an effective reflective privacy window film I’ve seen on eBay. Not that you should have to use it, but it might be a quick, easy and cheap fix for your problem.

malmi · 13/10/2025 19:46

Just put a big (maximum allowable) fence up, it’s the only thing you can do. As long as they can see into your windows you will never relax.

Treesaregreen83 · 13/10/2025 19:46

mirrorsandlights · 13/10/2025 19:31

Where did I say I thought someone doing drugs all day in the garden was ok? Clearly your privacy arrangements haven’t been very good as you are complaining about her looking in. You can’t really stop anyone from looking out of their windows or sitting in their garden.

With all do respect I've got no less privacy provisions in place than the next person. I have blinds on all of my windows. A 6ft fence around my house and privacy glass in my bathroom. Other than keeping my blinds drawn all day and living like an absolute hermit I really don't see what else I can do. It all feels a bit victim blamey to be fair. Rather than attacking someone for not having the correct provisions in place maybe ask yourself if someone should be staking out someone's home and spending hours high on drugs staring in at them in the first instance. I don't know about you but if I saw a silhouette of a neighbour or kids in the bath I'd look away. I wouldn't perv on them for 6 months and then tell them once they've put more privacy provisions in place.

OP posts:
Treesaregreen83 · 13/10/2025 19:49

StartingOverIn2025 · 13/10/2025 19:42

There’s quite an effective reflective privacy window film I’ve seen on eBay. Not that you should have to use it, but it might be a quick, easy and cheap fix for your problem.

Yes ive seen this! I may get some and get the husband up a ladder at the weekend to put it in place

OP posts:
Treesaregreen83 · 13/10/2025 19:51

malmi · 13/10/2025 19:46

Just put a big (maximum allowable) fence up, it’s the only thing you can do. As long as they can see into your windows you will never relax.

I've already got a high fence. It stops them from staring into my downstairs window from ground level but not the upstairs ones unfortunately 😒

OP posts:
DramaQueenlady · 13/10/2025 19:53

She's a peeping tom. Creepy watching as you bath your kids. Id speak to the police about this.

Treesaregreen83 · 13/10/2025 19:56

DramaQueenlady · 13/10/2025 19:53

She's a peeping tom. Creepy watching as you bath your kids. Id speak to the police about this.

This is what worries me. Its not so much me it's my kids. At first when she was watching I was thinking is she a bit lonely as I don't think she works as she's always in her PJs in the garden smoking drugs but after the letter today it's really freaked me out.😖

OP posts:
ladyofshertonabbas · 13/10/2025 19:58

Yanbu

mirrorsandlights · 13/10/2025 19:58

Treesaregreen83 · 13/10/2025 19:46

With all do respect I've got no less privacy provisions in place than the next person. I have blinds on all of my windows. A 6ft fence around my house and privacy glass in my bathroom. Other than keeping my blinds drawn all day and living like an absolute hermit I really don't see what else I can do. It all feels a bit victim blamey to be fair. Rather than attacking someone for not having the correct provisions in place maybe ask yourself if someone should be staking out someone's home and spending hours high on drugs staring in at them in the first instance. I don't know about you but if I saw a silhouette of a neighbour or kids in the bath I'd look away. I wouldn't perv on them for 6 months and then tell them once they've put more privacy provisions in place.

I’m not victim blaming. I’m saying that maybe she doesn’t like seeing into your place any more than you like her being able to.

ClockworkGoose · 13/10/2025 20:06

It’s possible the privacy screen in your bathroom isn’t as private as you think it is. Just because nobody has ever said anything before doesn’t mean you can’t be seen. My neighbours at the bottom have a similar set up. They think the smoked glass in their bathroom hides everything. It doesn’t.

TY78910 · 13/10/2025 20:09

StartingOverIn2025 · 13/10/2025 19:42

There’s quite an effective reflective privacy window film I’ve seen on eBay. Not that you should have to use it, but it might be a quick, easy and cheap fix for your problem.

I found they only work in the daylight. At night you can see EVERYTHING. I have one in my living room as the window is very low down and right on to the road. I have a sheer curtain now so it lets the light through but you can’t see anything. IKEA do them.

FuzzyWolf · 13/10/2025 20:11

I suspect that despite your misgivings it’s likely that they are looking at your house and completely zoning out so it’s not that often they are really focusing on what any of you are doing. However, I still wouldn’t like it and would see what else could be put in place to feel more secure that nobody was looking in.

inamo · 13/10/2025 20:17

No need to get DH on a ladder, you can do the privacy screen yourself, it goes on the inside of the windows/doors. As pp said, it doesn't work at night, but you'd have the blinds down then yes?

Fast growing bamboo in pots or a fast growing climber on a trellis too while you're at it. It's all very fine saying your privacy arrangements are as good as everyone else's when they are obviously not enough for you if you feel watched. I get it, I'd hate it, but I'd do something about it. Then I'd have a Valium sandwich washed down with a tankard of Rioja. With the blinds down so no one could see me. 😊

Treesaregreen83 · 13/10/2025 20:26

mirrorsandlights · 13/10/2025 19:58

I’m not victim blaming. I’m saying that maybe she doesn’t like seeing into your place any more than you like her being able to.

Well I'm certainly not grabbing her head and forcing her to gaze in the direction of my bathroom window so I find your post a bit odd to be fair🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
TheatricalLife · 13/10/2025 20:28

What a pair of weirdos. I wouldn't bother with a response or to engage in conversation with them. You are entitled to draw the blinds in your own bloody house whenever you like!
Lots of good suggestions above. You can also get these blinds which are good (I have some) and allow you to not live in a dark box, but also have privacy.
https://www.blinds-2go.co.uk/roller-blinds/22646/oculus-linen.html?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=1579028341&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI-5u_q_OhkAMVXpVQBh1Wgi-xEAQYASABEgKscfD_BwE
I'd also do the bamboo in pots/planting.

Treesaregreen83 · 13/10/2025 20:39

TheatricalLife · 13/10/2025 20:28

What a pair of weirdos. I wouldn't bother with a response or to engage in conversation with them. You are entitled to draw the blinds in your own bloody house whenever you like!
Lots of good suggestions above. You can also get these blinds which are good (I have some) and allow you to not live in a dark box, but also have privacy.
https://www.blinds-2go.co.uk/roller-blinds/22646/oculus-linen.html?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=1579028341&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI-5u_q_OhkAMVXpVQBh1Wgi-xEAQYASABEgKscfD_BwE
I'd also do the bamboo in pots/planting.

No my husband and I have decided not to engage in any contact with them as the may be volatile. I'll definitely look onto something like this for my kids rooms. That's really helpful. Thank you!

OP posts:
Glitchymn1 · 13/10/2025 20:42

The watching wouldn’t bother me as much as the note. If she’s outside movement would catch her eye I suppose, I don’t know. It’s a bit creepy /weird but if she’s oblivious/zoned out?
The note is strange though, she knows you have clocked her and feels a bit ‘busted’ and trying to cover her tracks under the guise of helping you.

How can she see in your bathroom from her garden though- the angles are all wrong unless the properties are bungalows or her garden is higher than your property.

Treesaregreen83 · 13/10/2025 20:42

FuzzyWolf · 13/10/2025 20:11

I suspect that despite your misgivings it’s likely that they are looking at your house and completely zoning out so it’s not that often they are really focusing on what any of you are doing. However, I still wouldn’t like it and would see what else could be put in place to feel more secure that nobody was looking in.

I could have understood that maybe this was the case had she not been watching me in different parts of my property and then writing to me basically admitting it.

OP posts:
Treesaregreen83 · 13/10/2025 20:46

ClockworkGoose · 13/10/2025 20:06

It’s possible the privacy screen in your bathroom isn’t as private as you think it is. Just because nobody has ever said anything before doesn’t mean you can’t be seen. My neighbours at the bottom have a similar set up. They think the smoked glass in their bathroom hides everything. It doesn’t.

It's has privacy glass, topped with frosted privacy film amd a blind whic I use constantly if we're bathing at nighttime. Other than boarding my windows up I really don't see what more I can do to be fair🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
MaybeNotBob · 13/10/2025 20:48

Get some tilting blinds. You can tilt them to let the light in but keep prying eyes out.