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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Spying neighbour?

84 replies

Treesaregreen83 · 13/10/2025 18:17

Bit of a strange one. Sorry for the super long post. Just hoping to get some perspective as not sure if I'm over reacting and been a paranoid weirdo🙈. I purchased my home 15 years ago and in terms of neighbours they're all a good bunch, that was until 6 months ago when a couple started renting the house directly behind mine. We live in town houses with smallish patio type gardens so not a great deal of privacy but there are trees blocking the view of all but this one neighbour in particular.

The new neighbours spend alot of time outside smoking cannabis. They line their deck chairs up against their house, so they are spending hours just staring up at my house. The smell is awfull thay sometimes I've had to keep my kids windows shut even in 35° heat but I've turned a blind eye for an easy life.The windows that they can see into are my kitchen, kids bedrooms and bathroom. They litterally sit, outside for hours day and night just watching, staring up and in with a joint in their hand.

On numerous occasions I've noticed one of them watching me in the garden from one of their upstairs windows. When I have that feeling I turn around and see their curtains move as if someones jumped out of the way. I do have privacy glass in the bathroom but nothing in the kids room. It made me feel quite uneasy having them looking up when my kids were in the bath but as it's been summer and it's nice to have a bit of natural light, rather than drawing the blinds I invested in an extra layer of frosted privacy film so although you can see slight silhouette there's no detail. When the dark nights draw in and I have lights on I always shut the blinds anyway. I still convinced myself at this point that I was imaging the prying eyes and just been paranoid.

Today I noticed her watching me while I was doing the dishes in the kitchen so drew the blinds. She saw me do this and it's obviously enraged her as about an hour later she pushed and hand written note through my door. She went onto say in the note that she wants to let me know that my privacy glass in the bathroom isn't even private. She says she's been looking up and can see my whole family bathing. She went onto say that she was telling me for the sake of my privacy (Like she cares about privacy). She even told me that she knows where my bath is in the bathroom. To pin point this she's obviously spent time staring through my window when it's open. Now if this was genuinely a concerned neighbour giving me the heads up that my bathroom wasnt private I would take it as a kind tip off but shes litterally made no attempt to inform me of this and shes litterally spent 6 months happily watching us, and only once I've finally blocked her view, she's written me a snappy note. To be honest I feel a bit violated, not just for me but also my young children. Shes basically just openly admitted that she has been watching us in a letter😖. I don't really know what to do from here. Should I appraoch her? Report it incase its escalates? I feel like a hermit in my own own as I'm even shutting my blinds in the daytime now.

OP posts:
ReadingSoManyThreads · 14/10/2025 16:04

Friendlygingercat · 14/10/2025 02:48

ETA if you can find out if they're renting, try to find out who the LL or agent are and report them for antisocial behaviour which should be a breach of their tenancy agreement.

Well there is always one pathetic nutter who says report them to their landlord. People who are renting have exactly the same rights in law as people who are in debt to the bank (aka have a mortgage) and a rental lease can only be enforced by a court. So who would you report these neighbours to if they were not renting? The police? The council? Environmental health? Yeah, good luck with that one.

Enjoy your petty power trip against renters.

Most landlords are not going to bother what their tenants are doing so long as they pay the rent, dont damage the property or attract the attention of statutory bodies . I use a couple of LL forums and you want to see what they say about "whingeing neighbours". Smoking inside DOES damage the property (causes stains and smells) so the LL is not going to be bothered by what their tenants do outside it.

Wow! Thanks for educating me about Landlords and tenants rights. I was completely unaware...oh no wait, I wasn't, given I've been a LL for 20 years and a tenant for 8 years 🙄

GasPanic · 14/10/2025 16:12

SparklyGlitterballs · 14/10/2025 11:03

We used to have textured glass in our bathroom window but I was shocked one day when I was in the garden and looked up and could see the full outline of my husband as he prepared to get in the shower. When I had the bathroom remodelled this year I had the old window replaced and opted for the obscure frosted glass which offers max privacy and it's brilliant.

I doubt your neighbour can see much if anything OP, if you have patterned glass, plus privacy film, plus blinds. I reckon she realised you'd clocked her watching and just wanted to upset you.

With regards to a halogen security light in the garden, I'd use it sparingly as they literally burn through your electric, so don't leave one on continuously. Just blast it at them when they're out there drugging and staring.

Use LED lights. They can be brighter and use about 1/10 the power as they are much more efficient in converting electricity into light (no heat produced).

Treesaregreen83 · 14/10/2025 18:19

SparklyGlitterballs · 14/10/2025 11:03

We used to have textured glass in our bathroom window but I was shocked one day when I was in the garden and looked up and could see the full outline of my husband as he prepared to get in the shower. When I had the bathroom remodelled this year I had the old window replaced and opted for the obscure frosted glass which offers max privacy and it's brilliant.

I doubt your neighbour can see much if anything OP, if you have patterned glass, plus privacy film, plus blinds. I reckon she realised you'd clocked her watching and just wanted to upset you.

With regards to a halogen security light in the garden, I'd use it sparingly as they literally burn through your electric, so don't leave one on continuously. Just blast it at them when they're out there drugging and staring.

I agree. I believe that the note has come from a place of malice, rather than concern. She knows I've clocked her and she's trying to take back power. I know they can only see a blurred outline of bodies bathing but I'm not taking any chances and I'm making sure that the bathroom blinds are firmly shut until I get some reflective privacy film fitted.

OP posts:
Orpheya · 14/10/2025 19:02

Dandelionsarepretty · 13/10/2025 19:16

Post the note here

you have to show the note on here, yes

FilterBubble · 14/10/2025 19:15

Treesaregreen83 · 14/10/2025 06:45

There are some very strange people on this post. 😅If you know of a parent who doesn't give a "rats ass" that some local druggies are staring into their kids bedrooms and watching them all hours, including when they're innocently brushing their teeth before bed, then I really question the mentally of the company you keep. Just to add, I am fully aware that sometimes houses over look other houses, as mentioned in my post I've happily lived here for 15 years without a "paranoid" thought drifting through my head.

Edited

Well it sounds like you are staring at them as much as you perceive they stare at you.

Orpheya · 14/10/2025 19:25

I would ignore, only hang clothes in the garden and live my life without a single worry unless I have to call the police for real or any other authority

Treesaregreen83 · 14/10/2025 19:43

FilterBubble · 14/10/2025 19:15

Well it sounds like you are staring at them as much as you perceive they stare at you.

If you say so. Always one isn't there🙄

OP posts:
Dandelionsarepretty · 14/10/2025 20:42

There’s a difference between being positioned in your direction and actively spying. If the chairs are facing your house in order to not look in your direction they’d have to sit with their heads turned sideways which wouldn’t be a natural way to sit. I think this is nothing more than thoughtless positioning of chairs.

I have a similar issue and while find it intrusive and thoughtless it isn’t malicious. The fact you don't know them and they smoke weed probably make them seem threatening. Unless the note is outright unpleasant she’s probably sent it due to embarrassment when you closed the blind.

I would go round and take the opportunity to look at your bathroom from her garden because an extra 20 feet can make a difference to visibility. Even if you know they can’t see in, having a conversation with them might mentally change them from intimidating weed smokers to just Pete and Dawn.

SparklyGlitterballs · 14/10/2025 21:10

Is your bathroom window bumpy OP? I know you can get smooth glass that’s frosted but often the textured stuff is not smooth. Reflective film is really intended to go on clear glass and you’ll get neither the effect or likely the finish on textured glass.

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