To think this is worrying to hear from a mother?

[Brittno]

When I was 12 I had forgotten my dinner money and the secretary’s office in school used to lend money out.

I told my mother the evening after school that I’d forgotten my dinner money and had to borrow from the secretary and she replied, dramatically, without giving me eye contact :

“what will they think if the home, the best home in Leicester? “

We didn’t live in Leicester but a similar sized city

does it sound as though she’s a bit narc? She said it in a bitter tone of voice

I think the OP substituted Leicester herself in place of where they actually lived! Though who knows why — it’s not as if a random remark made by the mother of an anonymous poster many years ago is going to out the OP.

Well that's a leap, isn't it? If it was indeed characteristic of a neglectful and uncaring childhood it's a bit odd that this complete non-event, rather than the catalogue of actually neglectful and uncaring behaviour, is the example OP has used to ask whether her mother is 'a narc'.

By Narc, do you mean narcissist?

I'm not sure how anyone could tell you your mother is a narcissist from one very tiny example, but given that's it's such a massively overused and incorrectly used term, then no, I doubt she was.

Edit for typos

The fact that you’ve been holding onto this since you were 12 is a bit concerning. It’s such a non-issue yet it’s bothered you so much for most of your life that you’re bringing it to a forum for opinions and advice?
Please learn to move on.

Did she say Leicester or the town where you live?

Seriously OP, how old are you? Has this been bothering you all these years?
That's pretty minor to stuff that was said in my school days. Dinner ladies were the worst, I think they were recruited from the Gestapo.
I got over it though, about 50 years ago 🤣🤣

I know as a society we’re better informed now about toxic traits and abusive behaviour but it’s gone too far in some ways. There are adults that hold grudges against their parents for not being perfect when they actually tried really hard in lots of ways and did their best. I’m a bit disillusioned with it all, our kids expect us to be perfect but we’re just humans. You need to let this go, she was probably embarrassed that school had to lend you money (it makes you look a bit disorganised) and women seem to get judged for everything. If she was otherwise a loving Mum I think you’re being really unfair by holding on to this.

So what? She was embarrassed she forgot to give you your dinner money and thought the school might think she was a crap mum. Or that your family were poor.
Or she was annoyed with you for forgetting your money? Being concerned about what others think of your family isn't that uncommon.

You can't diagnose personality disorders based on one sentence that presumably happened decades ago. I'm guessing your relationship with your mum isn't great?

Perhaps she felt embarrassed that the school staff would think you hadn’t really forgotten the money but that your parents couldn’t afford it.

Perfectly reasonable to feel that way. Why are you so hung up about it?

I really agree with this. I think one of the most fundamental realisations that makes you an adult is when you finally, really appreciate that your parents were/are people too. It is normal and developmentally appropriate for children not to understand this, but I really feel that there are increasing numbers of adults who never reach that milestone because it's so much easier to blame every shortcoming you yourself have (and which, of course, you are absolutely assured you should 'be kind' to yourself about) on their own failure to become living saints as soon as they conceived.

This reads to me as either AI gone wrong or mental health issues. Not making much sense at all.

Dishwater

There are adults that hold grudges against their parents for not being perfect when they actually tried really hard in lots of ways and did their best.

Very much this.
And it will continue - people who are children now will become adults and I'm quite sure some parents here will be appalled to be told about all the mistakes they made and "diagnosed" by their grown-up children accordingly.

I am quite interested in about a decade or two’s time, when millennials/gen z have teenagers themselves and then think ‘ohhhhhh’.

She was probably a bit embarrassed about what they’d think. What she said doesn’t make much sense so I’m guessing you’ve not remembered it exactly correctly which would make sense as it was so long ago and a total non event.

Many millennials have teens now so I think it’ll be the next generation down in a couple of decades time with teenagers

It was kind of your teacher to lend you money they must get alot of kids forgetting theres alot to remember all your kit for school. Nowadays they would just put it on some kind of tab and then you pah back when you can. It wasnt a case of your family not havjng enough money to subsidise your dinner, you just forgot it you wont be the first or last to do this. The comment by your mother was in a sarcastic tone then maybe it was said a way like for example if a child falls over grazes their knee the parent may say oh we need to chop your leg off now! If your mother genuinely felt shame for you forgetting your lunch money then that issue is with her, worrying about what people might think of her. I dont think this constitutes her being a “narc” she may have low self esteem or anxiety issues.

Hyacinth was great! She was very kind and generous, she was just a bit of a snob. She would have done anything for Sheridan!

I assume her mother is, or was, in Columbian law enforcement. No wonder she could be a bit short at times.

What the hell? Is this sarcasm? I can't tell! You got all that from one confusing comment?

Indeed. One phrase makes this woman a "narc".

I find it troubling that you are still thinking about this comment from your mother all these years later. On the face of it, it sounds like she was a bit embarrassed that the school secretary would judge her for forgetting your dinner money - that doesn't make her a narcissist. I think you need to address why this long ago comment is still on your mind.

Many millennials are around 40 years old. Why wouldn’t we have teenagers now? This sounds like the Daily Mail readers still blaming ‘those spoiled young millennials’ for everything not realising how the generations actually work and how old we are.

Is there a reason you are sat dwelling on a random comment your mum made about dinner money when you were 12 years old?!?!

Yes, that can't have been an easy career choice.

Sounds like she was quoting from a play or book or something! And unless you are only 13 now, seriously, move on