To have told DD not to read out loud in class if she doesn’t want to?

[AberforthDumbledoresGoat]

DD has a lisp. It has greatly improved as she’s gotten older but it is still very noticeable and she’s quite young still (primary). She struggles with ‘th’ and ‘f’ and can be quite self conscious about it, particularly around her classmates.

Her teacher has started having the class read out loud whichever book they are reading that week. Each child speaks until she says ‘stop.’

Recently DD was incredibly upset when I met her at the gates (she saw me and burst into tears and was quite hysterical). Her classmates had laughed at her in class and the teacher had ignored it other than to ask for quiet and the bullying had continued all day. I gently raised it with the school and asked that she not be asked to speak as, in my eyes, embarrassing her in front of 20 other children is not going to help her lisp and I just don’t think you do that to a young child. The teacher said no.

So, I told DD she was to refuse to read out loud if she doesn’t want to. She did exactly that - cue exasperated teacher at the gates asking to speak to me. The teacher absolutely refused to understand that embarrassing DD in front of her classmates was counterproductive and she ended up saying it was causing her problems as other children were now refusing to read out loud.

I did lose my temper slightly and pointed out if she had taken action, and addressed the classmates laughing at DD in class over her lisp, that this wouldn’t have been an issue. I also said I didn’t care if other children were disrupting the class by refusing to read.

WIBU to have told her to refuse to read given how upset she was?

Whilst I think some of you have good intentions, ultimately being forced to read out loud is not going to help DDs confidence (which we have spent years building up and the teacher nearly managed to undo in a day) when her class are laughing at her. As one poster said, it’s humiliating.

DD refused to read out loud to DH for a week after the incident at school. She was absolutely distraught and her lisp noticeably worsened after the incident - likely because she was self conscious. I don’t want to put her through that again. I want her confidence built up before she’s forced to do something she finds uncomfortable, otherwise it’ll just be a vicious cycle!

@2025VibeandThrive thank you for that advice! I’ll look into it!

@FutureMarchionessOfVidal don’t worry! I am absolutely going to ignore people who advocate humiliating DD to ‘build resilience or character.’

I gently raised it with the school and asked that she not be asked to speak as, in my eyes, embarrassing her in front of 20 other children is not going to help her lisp and I just don’t think you do that to a young child. The teacher said no.

Can you just be 100% clear here. Is 'gently raising it with school' meaning you have spoken in person to her class teacher?

You have had a meeting with her teacher and the teacher said she still has to read aloud?

If that is so, I think you need another meeting with her teacher and try to resolve this.

I'm a retired teacher of children with special needs (dyslexia/ ADHD etc) and there is no way I'd ask a child to read if they found it stressful.

I'm struggling to understand why the teacher is so stupid here.

If the children can openly bully a child then the teacher is already being defied and has lost control of the classroom.

The teacher is already not cooperating.

I would ask for her DD to be moved to a class with a teacher who is in control.

Failing her teacher being understanding, you need a meeting with the governor responsible for special needs.

My vjiew has come from working with people with low self esteem and rebuilding their confidence years after being bullied at school and having a child that was bullied but is now a confident, resilient adult.

Some people are resilient in spite of their environment, others need more support. You cannot build a system wholly around the needs of the most hard-skinned. You also have to consider the more sensitive ones.

Don’t right [sic] me off as a slave to the establishment either.
My view had developed after 52 years of work, raising two children now successful adults and maintaining a long marriage. How many can truly claim similar - many have just not had the chance to gain their experience yet.

For all your 'accomplishments' empathy and kindness aren't one of them.
You also appear not to know your right from write.

Bloody hell. WTF has your long marriage and 2 successful kids got to do with anything here? 'How many can claim similar'? Well, me for a start! Including over 40 years as a teacher.

I taught literacy as a specialist for decades in primary and secondary schools and this behaviour by the teacher is 100% wrong.

There is no way I'd ask a child with a speech impediment to read out in class if it upset them.

It's 100% poor teaching.

God, this is awful. Why on earth would a teacher push this with primary kids particularly one who has a speech impediment and is distressed.

Absolutely stick to your guns. She has her whole school life to develop confidence and resilience. The teacher needs a bollocking imo or a different job.

When something similar happened to me, the teachers obviously discussed it amongst themselves and soon I was being asked to read aloud in almost every class. Perhaps they thought they could “cure” me or they just wanted to see it for themselves. Plenty of other kids were never once made to read aloud.

This is probably the most sensible post on this entire (extremely dramatic) thread. The problem isn't the reading, nor the lisp, it's the reaction of the classmates going unchecked.
Lisps can be corrected but it doesn't sound like this child has had any intervention. Just allowing her to check out of key parts of life (because yes, speaking in public is a skill), is not going to correct the problem and actually validates what these nasty children are saying, that it is a problem.

Just don't complain if your child lacks confidence to speak in front of an audience in the future.

Well she now lacks confidence after what that teacher did! Nothing I do at this stage can make it worse - you can’t get much worse than hysterical crying and refusing to even read to her own father because she was so upset!

So, kindly, jog on.

Fuck off would have been a far better and honest way to deal with that poster 😂

I really hope some of the posters on this thread don’t have kids. Absolutely shocking suggestions coming from some of them.

Oh yes a whole class laughing at her and a gormless teacher not doing anything is a great way to build confidence .

Her teacher has started having the class read out loud whichever book they are reading that week. Each child speaks until she says ‘stop.’

Does the teacher have them read row by row or do they volunteer when they wish to until all have participated?
My advice is to select a paragraph from your daughter’s book which does not contain “th” or “f” (or substitute words without those sounds). Encourage her to volunteer reading it aloud in class which will empower her, prove to her she can do it comfortably, build her self-esteem, include her in the whole class activity, nullify any bullying and show your parental support of the teacher.
Imo the issue isn’t the lisp or the reading aloud; it’s the teacher’s discipline which is going down the pan now others are refusing to take part.

As a former secondary English teacher, I get the point of everyone reading aloud - it develops confidence and fluency, and it's a skill that most of us need at some time or other. But there are ways of doing it - it should never be an ordeal. In the OP's daughter's case, just reading a sentence aloud without any tricky 'th's or 'f's in it would be plenty, especially if backed up with a brief 'Well done!' and a smile. Friendly encouragement from the rest of the class would help, too. Letting them laugh at her is appalling.

The teacher should build kids confidence by letting them read aloud 1 to 1 or in pairs, small groups whatever. Then do the whole class thing if they want to.
If anyone gets laughed that then those laughing should be disciplined, sent outside the room whatever.
Its not rocket science is it.

Slightly off topic but I had a th/f lisp (I literally couldn't hear the difference) and my parents paid for private speech therapy when I was 9. It didn't take long at all - maybe a term of Thursdays after a school - and it was fixed forever. I went on to do plays, debating, choir.... The lot. I do a lot of public speaking in my job now and love it.

I still have a slight sibilance on my "s" (I put my tongue behind my bottom teeth not my top ones) and wish I'd worked harder to fix that!! Buut it's much trickier!

Th/f was so so easy to fix so if I were you I'd do it while she's young! Sorry about school.

@AberforthDumbledoresGoat does the school not have heads of the Key Stages? Usually SLT so someone above the teacher but below the head?

Having been in a classroom I think the fact that the teacher did not immediately absolutely bollock the class was appalling. A big part of the school I was in was all about we do not make negative comments on work, handwriting, appearance, lunch box choice. Children were told emphatically that you could only comment positively because they only think of it going one way, ie that someone wouldn't say something negatively back to them.

My own child struggled with confidence, hated reading aloud, would not put his hand up in secondary school and it was mentioned at every single parents' evening. He gained the confidence to do it in sixth form, went off to live away from home for uni where he had to give presentations, and now gives presentations at work in front of complete strangers. Having an issue with reading aloud in primary does not define their life later on.

In the school I was in she would not be expected to read aloud, they never forced it on anyone. We did listen to children read one on one at least once a week. If that was an issue then they did it outside the classroom where the other children could not listen in. We don't humiliate children or put them in uncomfortable situations. We gently persuade and encourage.

I was a super confident kid all through primary school, always put my hand up and tried to answer questions, always did my best. Then the head took a lesson in year five/six and was asking how to spell difficult words. I was one of a very few kids to put my hand up each time and I spelt a word out phonetically as it was really tricky. He asked me what on earth I thought I was doing, that I wasn't 5 years old now and that I shouldn't be spelling it out like that. I felt so stupid, so humiliated and was so affected by it that I never put my hand up to answer a question again all through Secondary school - and if I was asked a question at any point I literally couldn't answer and just froze.

Forcing kids to do something that humiliates them never gives them confidence or resilience. It's so sad that so many people don't understand that. I still can't speak in front of other adults even as an adult.

Well done OP for standing up for your poor kid, I hope she's able to move on from this.

By not making DD terrified of public speaking and not giving fodder to the bullies.

Well done OP for standing your ground. You had to stand up for your DD when the teacher refused to intervene. I usually give these threads a bit of an eye roll as it’s more often than not a parent complaining for some ridiculous reason, but in this case I’m with the OP.

Stop now, you're just embarrassing yourself honestly.

YANBU at all, I used to have a lisp as a child/teenager and the class including the teacher themselves would make fun of me!! being forced to read aloud in that environment made it so much worse too as i recall it was worse when I was nervous. it had a serious impact on my speech generally and i started overthinking everything i said and purposely avoiding words which would emphasise it. it was only as an adult i was able to speak confidently but the whole experience really set me back. it’s 100% not conducive to learning or confidence and will likely make her reading and speech skills worse in my experience. some PP saying its not fair if she is allowed not to but others aren’t - like in workplaces, children can have equitable reasonable adjustments in schools due to differences in ability, this isn’t new and in this case it’s perfectly reasonable not to force a child to do something that is actively detrimental to their development.

Absolutely she does not have to get on with life. Working with individuals with speech disorders
is what speech and language therapists train for - as long as child is willing to work.

Bullying about differences is not acceptable

You are making this an issue for your child , don't you see? Any kids have lisps, they hear her speak every day. They know what she sounds like. If she doesn't read out loud how will the teacher know she is reading at an acceptable level ?

Teachers are used to all sorts of things and know how to handle sensitive issues , you are not helping your child's confidence , you are reinforcing she has an issue