To have told DD not to read out loud in class if she doesn’t want to?

[AberforthDumbledoresGoat]

DD has a lisp. It has greatly improved as she’s gotten older but it is still very noticeable and she’s quite young still (primary). She struggles with ‘th’ and ‘f’ and can be quite self conscious about it, particularly around her classmates.

Her teacher has started having the class read out loud whichever book they are reading that week. Each child speaks until she says ‘stop.’

Recently DD was incredibly upset when I met her at the gates (she saw me and burst into tears and was quite hysterical). Her classmates had laughed at her in class and the teacher had ignored it other than to ask for quiet and the bullying had continued all day. I gently raised it with the school and asked that she not be asked to speak as, in my eyes, embarrassing her in front of 20 other children is not going to help her lisp and I just don’t think you do that to a young child. The teacher said no.

So, I told DD she was to refuse to read out loud if she doesn’t want to. She did exactly that - cue exasperated teacher at the gates asking to speak to me. The teacher absolutely refused to understand that embarrassing DD in front of her classmates was counterproductive and she ended up saying it was causing her problems as other children were now refusing to read out loud.

I did lose my temper slightly and pointed out if she had taken action, and addressed the classmates laughing at DD in class over her lisp, that this wouldn’t have been an issue. I also said I didn’t care if other children were disrupting the class by refusing to read.

WIBU to have told her to refuse to read given how upset she was?

How successful are you in your working life?

Are you innovative and entrepreneurial and willing to question the status quo or are you a worker drone? 🤔

No need to reply as the answer is obvious.

All of the people saying the girl should be forced to read out loud because it won't help her through life/ won't build confidence etc. How many of you have ever built confidence through humiliation?

The lasting damage through being forced to read out loud for this girl will be far worse than anything she would supposedly lose by not speaking.

The fact that other children have refused to read out loud shows that they too feel self conscious. It might help your daughter on some level to know this.

I think you are right in telling her to refuse. The teacher should have dealt with it and found alternatives.

I’d have done the same. Though i’d have spoken to the head probably before telling my DD to refuse as that puts the child in a difficult position. The teacher should have tackled the children who were laughing and not tolerate it. I wouldn’t let my child continue to be mocked in that way.

Exactly this. There's a great book by Bruce Daisley called Fortitude, which explores the myth of resilience and how inner strength is really built.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Fortitude-Surprising-Secrets-Resilience-Master/dp/1847943659

The strength gained through discomfort isn't a healthy strength, and it doesn't come from a place of confidence.

This absolutely.

You must have a lot of time on your hands to have counted the previous 99. Did you respond to comment nos 90 to 98 too?

So she should have taken it further at this point not just told the child to refuse.
OP if the teacher had already said no what did you think was going to happen when your child refused to read?
The bullying should have been dealt with by the teacher at the time. I'm sure no one would disagree. But you can't just tell your child not to do something and expect nothing to happen.
You shouldn't have put your child in that situation.

What a spiteful thing to say - i really hope you don't work with children with that vindictive attitude

Suggest using the school’s official complaints procedure. Put everything in writing. Look at their policies and find which ones they’ve breached.

Your argument should be they’re not making reasonable adjustments for your child’s special educational needs, which is to read out loud only in a safe space.

The teacher didn’t ensure the class was a safe space. The school owe your DD an apology for both the lack of reasonable adjustments and not addressing the teasing/bullying.

Suggest teaching your DD to have a low opinion of anyone who teases her for her speech impediment. Kind people wouldn’t do that. The lisp is part of who she is. If people tease you for who you are, they’re scumbags and not worth bothering about. She should hold her head high.

Having read your updates, YANBU at all.

I have great respect for the teaching profession and think they are doing a challenging job in often difficult circumstances. I wouldn't generally advocate encouraging a child to disobey their teacher.

But I also don't think it is right to humiliate a child, whether by forcing a child with a lisp to read aloud in front of bullies or refusing to let someone leave the room when they need to use the toilet.

Some things are more important than the ABC, and teaching your child to stand up for themselves when they are put in a position they shouldn't be in is one of those things.

You went through the correct channels and raised your concerns with the teacher, who made it clear that she was going to do precisely nothing to stop the situation from recurring. The consequences of her refusal to act are on her.

Monstrous.

I do hate the "resilience" term used in this context. It always seems to me a get-out for lazy teachers that puts the onus on the child and gives them a pass for failing to prevent bullying.. Small children don't magically develop resilience by being the targets of bullying, they need to be helped. They don't need to be made to perform in front of the bullies in the vague hope that the bullies might back off.

Please don’t take advice from people on the internet gobbling about how strength is built through humiliation.

Speak to your daughter’s SLT contact - who knows her and her needs and has the relevant expertise - in order to work out the best way to handle lessons.

Meanwhile, also complain in writing to the school (ht and cc to governors) about a teacher who does not take speech disabilities, and reasonable adjustments for them, seriously, & who is not just failing to deal with bullying on the basis of a speech disability, but actually giving opportunities for it.

These are actually 2 different issues.

One of my sons had a severe stammer (now long gone) for which he received NHS speech & language therapy. The therapist discussed his needs with the school and this sort of thing would NEVER have happened.

People still don’t take speech & lang problems seriously in children- this is obvious from this thread.

Having had a lisp and a stammer for half my life you need to get your child a SALT - speech and language therapist - and also not avoid the subject but actually encourage your child to read more out loud as she isn’t going to get any better if she doesn’t! Work with school on helping her as this is a very common thing for children to do and the more it’s brought out into the open and dealt with the less of an issue it will have and she will grow a thicker skin around

This!

These are the kind of incidents that affect people's confidence well into adulthood. You are right OP to advocate for your child. This isn't a case of an interfering, 'my Jonny wouldn't do that' kind of situation. It's bullying and teachers should come down hard on it. It's surely part of their training these days.

I would also escalate it up the school.

Good luck.

You´d be a crap teacher then.

Reading out loud is a great weay to read a book in class. Having your daughter laughed at is terrible.

The teacher should have hushed the laughter right down and addressed the class as a whole as to how they should be helping their classmates feel confident.
How can the class improve their compassion and tolerance if you ask DD to withdraw?
Talk to the teacher and ask her to handle the whole thing better. Then trust her.

DD needs to have Speech Therapy every week until she talks without a lisp. Have you tried that? Does DD need to see a dentist?

At age four my child had a lisp which her Kinder teacher picked up on. You need to get right onto it before DD develops bad habits. Speech Therapy is usually really successful.

YABVU to tell your child to openly disobey the teacher. If she does it, for however good a reason, and is allowed to get away with it, of course other children will start doing it too, for other less good reasons. Do you really want your DD to be in a class where children openly defy the teacher?

But of course the teacher should be much more sensitive to your DD's problem, and alert to any possible bullying. You need to discuss the matter with the teacher, urgently, and come up with a plan of action between you that is acceptable to everyone. If the teacher won’t co-operate (but I bet she will), speak to the SENCO and/or headteacher.

Speech and language therapist (not working in uk) Speech and language therapist here. I was going to say this. Class teacher needs to address the bullying in class.

I also want to say to the OP that speech and language therapists can help. Sadly NHS support may not be available (I don’t work in UK so not sure what the criteria are). However there are lots of private therapists who can work on speech. She should not have to change her speech patterns to fit in with others, but if your daughter does feel negative about her speech AND she is willing to practise regularly for a short while, she could make changes that make her feel comfortable when speaking.

I had a career that involved challenging the status quo then applying critical reasoning within the armed forces albeit I’m now retired. I now volunteer and still actively question a sometimes long adopted way of doing things as my skills are sought after.
Don’t right me off as a slave to the establishment either.
My view had developed after 52 years of work, raising two children now successful adults and maintaining a long marriage. How many can truly claim similar - many have just not had the chance to gain their experience yet.

So do I. For most people it has the opposite effect and lowers self esteem. Of course facing your fears in a supportive, encouraging situation, going at your own pace, IS beneficial. But that's not what's happening here.

If a child is reading and lisps noticeably, and that is followed immediately by laughter in class, then unless the text itself was hilarious you's have to be pretty stupid not to put two and two together. You'd have to be even more stupid not to notice that the lisping child was very upset for the rest of the day.

And even if you were that unobservant, surely you would take it seriously when the child's parent spoke to you about it, not just dismiss all concerns and insist on carrying on exactly as before?

OP, I would suggest you insist on a meeting with the teacher plus the head or, if they ae evasive, the deputy or head of year. Go to the meeting with a copy of the bullying policy having highlighted all the bits that apply, and ask what they propose to do to implement it in future to ensure your child is not bullied again about her lisp or anything else. Emphasise that they have a duty to safeguard her, and that includes safeguarding her mental health.

She has a lisp, she'll just have to get on with life.

I remember reading out loud in English as a teenager in secondary school in London in the 90's and some classmates would pretend they were throwing grenades and bombs were going off.

Their ignorance was laughable.