To have told DD not to read out loud in class if she doesn’t want to?

[AberforthDumbledoresGoat]

DD has a lisp. It has greatly improved as she’s gotten older but it is still very noticeable and she’s quite young still (primary). She struggles with ‘th’ and ‘f’ and can be quite self conscious about it, particularly around her classmates.

Her teacher has started having the class read out loud whichever book they are reading that week. Each child speaks until she says ‘stop.’

Recently DD was incredibly upset when I met her at the gates (she saw me and burst into tears and was quite hysterical). Her classmates had laughed at her in class and the teacher had ignored it other than to ask for quiet and the bullying had continued all day. I gently raised it with the school and asked that she not be asked to speak as, in my eyes, embarrassing her in front of 20 other children is not going to help her lisp and I just don’t think you do that to a young child. The teacher said no.

So, I told DD she was to refuse to read out loud if she doesn’t want to. She did exactly that - cue exasperated teacher at the gates asking to speak to me. The teacher absolutely refused to understand that embarrassing DD in front of her classmates was counterproductive and she ended up saying it was causing her problems as other children were now refusing to read out loud.

I did lose my temper slightly and pointed out if she had taken action, and addressed the classmates laughing at DD in class over her lisp, that this wouldn’t have been an issue. I also said I didn’t care if other children were disrupting the class by refusing to read.

WIBU to have told her to refuse to read given how upset she was?

DON'T ever become a teacher. I don't think anything could be learned from what you would teach.

I'm pretty sure the OP said her DD does speech therapy and was practicing every day with her father too. Until badly managed events at school shattered her confidence.

I dont think you are unreasonable for protecting your DD. You are unreasonable for the way you went about it. Confrontational and undermining the teacher is never going to be a good way of dealing with it.

Call to the school and calmly asking the teacher to consider not putting your child in that position would have achieved so much more.

YABU . It's the bullying which needs addressing. Go in hard about that with the school.

But you're setting up your DD to fail if you let her avoid difficult stuff. A lisp at that age is pretty normal. Your DD needs to learn some resilience - can you play language games with her? Can you help her to enjoy her lisp - play games that emphasise it as something that is uniquely hers - the way we all speak is so individual.

Then gradually, help her to learn to control her lisp. It will pass if she practices. It will become an "issue" that will impede the rest of her life if you add to the drama. .

OP, it's an uncomfortable situation for your daughter but you do her no favours by suggesting that, rather than be embarrassed by her lisp, she just keep quiet and say nothing at all. That's a scary sort of prospect for a young girl in 2025. By saying 'it's ok, I'll ask the teacher to make sure you don't have to speak in front of the others at all' you're just reinforcing her fears. It's HER voice, she has to work with it! The teacher should be coming down on the mean laughing and bullying like a ton of bricks and that's where I'd be focussing my attentions, not demanding that she never speak up in class.

Does she have a brace? They can really help. A speech therapist? Tackle the issue and tackle the bullies but it's unreasonable to suggest to her that she just stays quiet.

I spoke to the teacher 1-2-1 and asked her not to call on DD. She refused. That’s when I told DD she didn’t have to speak. It’s in my OP.

Yet another post about another teacher with zero humility or empathy. I don’t get why these people are in the job. Who would want to humiliate a young child? I’d be angry too.

The teacher was unsupportive of your original concern. Now they reap the rewards of that!

I would escalate to the headteacher and write a timeline of what happened, when you raised concerns about the bullying to the teacher, what you would have expected to happen and what actually happened (nothing).

Literally said that in the OP! She had a calm 121 chat with the teacher. Teacher said no.

God, don’t people read OPs anymore?

The teacher should have immediately stamped out the bullying. You did wrong by telling your child to refuse, but I don't blame you if the bullying was not addressed.

Tell the school that you need a meeting with the HT before you raise an issue with the Governors, and advise that if you have not spoken to HT by X date that you will proceed with your complaint and will include in your complaint that it is impossible to speak with the HT.

Ask for a copy of their complaints procedure (should be on their website).

Make it clear that you will not be fobbed off.

You have handled this wrongly. You should have taken your complaint further to the Head Teacher Governors LA if necessary. And ask to see the schools bullying policy.

I think the Teacher was in the wrong here TBH .( I say this as many of my family teach.) A little girl is badly bullied, through a problem she cant do anything about! I would call an urgent meeting with the Head.

What is your daughter suppose to learn about valuing herself by telling her to refuse to read out loud.
If she has a lisp, then there is a choice in life to be lisping and proud, or lisping and anxious about it.
Which route do you choose for her?

I gently raised it with the school and asked that she not be asked to speak as, in my eyes, embarrassing her in front of 20 other children is not going to help her lisp and I just don’t think you do that to a young child. The teacher said no.

Did you tell the teacher you were going to instruct your daughter to refuse? If you were not getting the response you wanted from the teacher then i would be asking for a discussion with the headteacher. I cant imagine a teacher doing it out of spite so maybe there is a genuine reason for the teacher wanting your daughter to continue.

Yes i did miss that bit. Sorry, no drama.

A ridiculous comment.

Forcing a child to read aloud when they are shy and embarrassed is a sure way to destroy their confidence and will only make matters worse.

Another silly comment.

You don't make people 'get over' their issues this way.

You clearly have never experienced a disability where you are made to do something you find hard and embarrassing in front of your peers- in this case, children, who do not yet always have the empathy of adults.

I don't blame you. It must be frustrating to see your DD being treated like that and the teacher refusing to address it.

maybe now the teacher will be willing to work towards another solution.

These comments here are appalling.

I taught English and special needs for 40 years.
There is NO WAY that you encourage 'resilience' by forcing a child to do something in front of an audience which they find terrifying.

You encourage the child by giving them some 1;1 time to try to build confidence and gradually allow them to read aloud when they feel ready.

The 'advice' here is just scarily wrong.

My Dd has Dyslexia and was exempted from reading aloud in class by the EdPsy who diagnosed her. The teacher has handled this very badly and has escalated the situation. She sounds very callous. Speak to the Head and the governors. Awful for your poor DD. Also many lisps are correctable if desired. Is she getting speech therapy? If so get an exemption letter from the ST while she works on pronunciation. It is never ok to humiliate a child

Sadly this is nothing new.

In our family we still remember my little brother's Year 2 teacher, who apparently just didn't like little boys - all the parents of little boys thought she was horrible and all the parents of little girls thought she was lovely - and his Year 3 teacher who refused to let him progress beyond his three times table despite the fact that he was clearly gifted at maths, because he was writing his threes backwards.

This thread has gone in directions other than the one the question asked.

"AIBU To have told DD not to read out loud in class if she doesn’t want to?"

You were, because when your child said no, she was put in an even more difficult situation. Her teacher was angry with her, and those who were unkind will have something else to mock her for (children at primary school simply do not say 'no' to a teacher so you made her stand out as different, even more). Her confidence will have been dented further.

I'm a retired teacher, and if my DGD had come home after that reading aloud situation and the teacher had not been responsive to my DD addressing it with her, I'd take a different tack. I'd advise my DD to contact DGD's speech and language therapist to write a letter to give to the schoo,l and/or keep my DGD off school the next day and say that I would be bringing her back once I'd had a meeting with the head.

I would strongly advise my DD not to tell her DGD to just defy the teacher. That was never going to have a good outcome.

How many MNers struggle with reading comprehension?! Half of this thread is just idiots who havent read the OP!

So in other words you are quite happy for a child to be laughed at because of a disability and the teacher do nothing!

What possible reason could there be for a teacher to want a child with a speech impediment to read out loud to a class of children who are mocking and making fun of her, then going on to bully her ? And what possible reason could that teacher have for not shutting the behaviour down immediately ?