To have told DD not to read out loud in class if she doesn’t want to?

[AberforthDumbledoresGoat]

DD has a lisp. It has greatly improved as she’s gotten older but it is still very noticeable and she’s quite young still (primary). She struggles with ‘th’ and ‘f’ and can be quite self conscious about it, particularly around her classmates.

Her teacher has started having the class read out loud whichever book they are reading that week. Each child speaks until she says ‘stop.’

Recently DD was incredibly upset when I met her at the gates (she saw me and burst into tears and was quite hysterical). Her classmates had laughed at her in class and the teacher had ignored it other than to ask for quiet and the bullying had continued all day. I gently raised it with the school and asked that she not be asked to speak as, in my eyes, embarrassing her in front of 20 other children is not going to help her lisp and I just don’t think you do that to a young child. The teacher said no.

So, I told DD she was to refuse to read out loud if she doesn’t want to. She did exactly that - cue exasperated teacher at the gates asking to speak to me. The teacher absolutely refused to understand that embarrassing DD in front of her classmates was counterproductive and she ended up saying it was causing her problems as other children were now refusing to read out loud.

I did lose my temper slightly and pointed out if she had taken action, and addressed the classmates laughing at DD in class over her lisp, that this wouldn’t have been an issue. I also said I didn’t care if other children were disrupting the class by refusing to read.

WIBU to have told her to refuse to read given how upset she was?

This. You need to send a bullet point email to the head and say you want to get the whole situation resolved.

Yes, OP's DD regularly practices reading out loud with her father.

No, the OP is not saying her DD should never speak at school.

No, the OP is not saying being able to read aloud wouldn't be a useful skill - which is why they are working towards it. At their DD's pace, with the relevant professional advice.

No, humiliating children doesn't make them more 'resilient '. More likely to go on to bully and humiliate others for their 'deficiencies'.

I have and it makes no sense. DD can't possibly have gone all the way through school with no-one noticing she has a lisp and then it's become completely obvious for the first time ever to the whole class in one read aloud. Either she has a lisp, or she doesn't.

The parent told her after and she still expected the pupil to carry on as if nothing had happened - no suggestion of addressing the bullying even in the aftermath, no reassuring op that it would be dealt with if it came up again etc.

Where does it say they haven’t noticed it ? She was singled out to read aloud so they were making fun of the lisp.

I guess at that initial point, I would have explored with the teacher exactly what happened and what did she do to deal with it at the time. Then if she hadn’t managed the teasing effectively, I would have explored with her what she could do next time and get an agreement from the teacher that it will be managed (rather than telling the teacher that you don’t want your child reading out loud). You’re all stuck between a rock and a hard place now. And we all need coping strategies in life when adverse things happen…

So they've known she has a lisp for years, but this was the day they decided to start making fun of it?

Not speaking publicly could well be a suitable interim measure but only if OP is taking steps to deal with the lisp so she can eventually participate in normal activities with the rest of her peer group.

I agree that the teacher needs to deal with the bullying.

She has a lisp. We have spent years with her doing speech therapy. When she was younger, her lisp was so bad people often couldn’t understand what she was trying to say.

We’ve realised, thanks to the help we have sought, it’s made significantly worse when she’s under pressure or put on the spot i.e reading out loud. She can’t cope with the stress of people listening and focussing exclusively on her. That’s why DH reads with her in the evenings - to build her confidence so, in time, she can manage.

Before recently, (the reading out-loud is new this year) her classmates were probably aware she spoke ‘differently’ but had never seen significant evidence of it. And, obviously, a child speaking in a quiet room with no background noise is very different to most other social settings!

And really, who gives a shit if she doesn't want to do public speaking when she's older. I don't either and I was never humiliated as a child simply for speaking.

Fuck trying to appease the teacher. If they'd handled it well in the first instance, maybe I'd think differently but as far as I feel, that's throwing a child to the wolves. We all know how fucking horrible kids can be, especially when pack mentality kicks in. I think you're right as her Mum to show her some support with this one.

This is not rocket science. If reading aloud is new it depends on how much pressure was being applied - stress can make things much worse. It doesn’t matter whether the other children were aware of the lisp or not, this gave them the opportunity to make fun because the child was singled out and clearly embarrassed, and pack mentality kicks in. Or are you not aware of just how cruel kids can be ?

And OP has already said several times that they are addressing the speech problem.

They had noticed. Where did you imagine it said they hadn’t?

how does her speech therapist suggest you approach this? Can they write a letter of support / advice to reinforce your position? They are the expert here on ultimately what will help your dd.

Those saying she’ll be singled out more for not taking a turn in reading, there’s plenty of ways a teacher can manage this so the other children don’t know. DD1 didn’t read out loud and also wasn’t asked any questions in front of the class. The teacher had a jar with lolly sticks with the children’s names on and would draw one out, her name wasn’t in there but no one knew that.

Christ let's hope not!!

I teach 11 year olds and I don’t make any of them read out in front of the class, I ask for volunteers. Pupils that don’t read in front of the class still have to read out loud for me, but they don’t need to be put on the spot and made to feel embarrassed, pressured, or self conscious. There are lots of reasons children don’t want to read in front of their peers and I want them to enjoy learning.

I build self confidence, not smash it down. I encourage the pupils to use their voice in front of one another in a number of different ways. Sometimes we make videos, audio recordings, little skits, presentations, group reading, etc. Children are usually more confident when they have time to prepare, not when they’re put on the spot.

I’d also be having a very serious conversation with any pupils that made fun of someone with a speech difference.

@AberforthDumbledoresGoat

Popcorn reading is a horrible teaching practice and most schools are stopping it now because they realise the impact that it has in increasing anxiety for children and decreasing reading fluency / interfering with learning.

DDs secondary school supposedly stopped it, but there was one English teacher that insisted on carrying on. It really used to upset DD as she hated reading both reading and speaking out loud. She already had school based anxiety and that did not help!

I told her to refuse to read as well - but she was too much of a rule follower!

I would issue a formal complaint through the schools complaints procedure to be honest, the complaint should focus on the fact that the teacher did nothing to stop the bullying of your dd, but you can also use it to raise your concerns about the use of popcorn reading as a technique a) given the bullying it resulted in and b) given that it is sees as quite a regressive and ineffectual teaching method.

Some useful info here: https://www.cultofpedagogy.com/edutips/edutip7/ and lots more if you google it.

Refusing to read in class will not help your DD. Perhaps you should try some elocution lessons that will teach her where to put her tongue to say both 'ths'? Hard 'th' is top of upper teeth and soft 'th' is between the teeth - I know this because I had an awful speech impediment (not a lisp, full-on inability to pronounce some words completely - born with a cleft palette). Speech therapy (lots) finished with a year of elocution lessons (so I sorted out the 'f' from the 'ths' - 'f' is pronounced without the tongue being in contact with teeth).
Not practising reading aloud will intensify your DD's problem. Have her read aloud to you at home, for starters and teach her how to say 'th' and differentiate it from 'f'.
Also get teacher on-side with bullying - it doesn't help to alienate her or to tell her you don't give a flying fuck for the behaviour of your DD's class (disruption of lessons isn't going to help either). Fwiw, reading aloud in class is a useful guide to children's reading ability and comprehension, which is the reason for doing it (not to upset your DD).

She is having speech therapy and they are already working on these things. Being humiliated in front of her peers is counterproductive.

Allowing children to opt out of reading in class doesn't help them - it masks their problem (if any). I speak as someone who had a severe speech impediment as a child btw.

Then address the bullying.

The teacher didn't want to know.

If refusing to read out loud is the only way to get the teacher's attention, so be it.

You can't protect your child from everything. Is she never to speak again? You are giving her more of a complex by making a big deal out of it.

Haven’t read the whole thread, but would it be possible for her S&L therapist to write and explain the impact of her reading out loud, and to ask for the reasonable adjustment that she doesn’t read out loud for the time being?

The OP has clearly stated reading out loud is new this year, hence it wasn’t an issue in previous years.

derxa ·

"It’s not a lisp"

So you know more than the Speech Therapist then ?