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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have told DD not to read out loud in class if she doesn’t want to?

376 replies

AberforthDumbledoresGoat · 13/10/2025 06:31

DD has a lisp. It has greatly improved as she’s gotten older but it is still very noticeable and she’s quite young still (primary). She struggles with ‘th’ and ‘f’ and can be quite self conscious about it, particularly around her classmates.

Her teacher has started having the class read out loud whichever book they are reading that week. Each child speaks until she says ‘stop.’

Recently DD was incredibly upset when I met her at the gates (she saw me and burst into tears and was quite hysterical). Her classmates had laughed at her in class and the teacher had ignored it other than to ask for quiet and the bullying had continued all day. I gently raised it with the school and asked that she not be asked to speak as, in my eyes, embarrassing her in front of 20 other children is not going to help her lisp and I just don’t think you do that to a young child. The teacher said no.

So, I told DD she was to refuse to read out loud if she doesn’t want to. She did exactly that - cue exasperated teacher at the gates asking to speak to me. The teacher absolutely refused to understand that embarrassing DD in front of her classmates was counterproductive and she ended up saying it was causing her problems as other children were now refusing to read out loud.

I did lose my temper slightly and pointed out if she had taken action, and addressed the classmates laughing at DD in class over her lisp, that this wouldn’t have been an issue. I also said I didn’t care if other children were disrupting the class by refusing to read.

WIBU to have told her to refuse to read given how upset she was?

OP posts:
Onmytod24 · 13/10/2025 11:36

OP your focus on the wrong thing you’re teaching your daughter to be ashamed of her lisp. that lisp is part of who she is at the moment. Read the schools policy on bullying and take that into your next meeting with the teacher also head or whoever.

SpryUmberZebra · 13/10/2025 11:42

RoseAlone · 13/10/2025 06:56

AFTER telling your daughter to refuse to read.
You set her up and made the whole thing much worse.

Reading aloud is a very important skill, avoiding it is doing her a disservice. It's the laughing that's the issue.

You need to apologise to your daughter for giving her bad advice, not supporting her, not building her confidence sufficiently so that she's able to do such things, losing your temper with her teacher and comp setting her up in front of her entire class.

Show quote history

Oh cut the crap and staking shit up.

it’s very clear that she asked her daughter to refuse AFTER the teacher refused to engage and do anything. Stop projecting.

Newbutoldfather · 13/10/2025 11:43

YABU!

Why do so many parents regress to children themselves as soon as they deal with a school.

The correct response was to ask for an urgent meeting with the teacher head and SENCO and for them to deal with the unacceptable bullying.

All you have done is taught your daughter that not trying and disobedience to teachers is good and, even more importantly, created a situation where the teacher will probably just disengage with your child, preventing her from having valuable reading practice.

You can still resolve this situation like an adult if you choose to.

(That isn’t to say a teacher allowing a child to be bullied in class is in any way acceptable).

SpryUmberZebra · 13/10/2025 11:46

MolkosTeenageAngst · 13/10/2025 07:06

The problem is you’ve just reinforced your daughter’s idea that her lisp is embarrassing and something to hide from others. Short term you’ve ‘solved’ her problem but she is now growing up with the message that others will laugh at her and the solution is therefore not to speak in front of them, long term I can’t see this being good for her self-esteem or confidence. It would have been better to work towards empowering her, not making her hide herself from everybody. At the same time obviously it would have been valuable to set up a meeting with the teacher around it and working together with her to quash the teasing, which obviously isn’t acceptable. But now all you’ve done is work against the teacher and told your daughter she should be so ashamed of her lisp she shouldn’t speak in front of others.

She reinforced that her daughter’s lisp is embarrassing as opposed to the whole class laughing at her and the teacher ignoring it which improved her confidence?

Please stop 😂

Summertoautumnovernight · 13/10/2025 11:48

Hi OP , my eldest - now 17 - has a stammer , he always has had and it gets much much worse should he be having a growth spurt . He has always taken part in all class activities , I would never have dreamed of asking that he not take part in reading out loud in class . My son’s stammer will go with him throughout his life , as will your daughters lisp . They can not opt out of normal life because of it and I personally think you have done her no favours by letting her not take part in a normal school activity . Your emphasis should have been on the bullying , you shouldn’t have been shouting at teachers , that makes you no better than the bullies - we always get more out of people by being nice to them . Concentrate on building your daughter up , the quality of what she has to say is so much more important than how she says it . Make sure she works hard and the lisp will cease to be important . Sorry if this sounds harsh - I know it’s not easy

SpryUmberZebra · 13/10/2025 11:53

Outside9 · 13/10/2025 09:00

Just don't complain if your child lacks confidence to speak in front of an audience in the future.

Jeez cut the crap.

Clara27 · 13/10/2025 11:57

Some posters here seem to think that obedience and not defying the teacher is far more important than teaching a child to listen to her gut and refuse to follow instructions that put her in a humiliating situation. great parenting you guys! Poor teaching and class management has led to this situation.

Baital · 13/10/2025 11:58

Summertoautumnovernight · 13/10/2025 11:48

Hi OP , my eldest - now 17 - has a stammer , he always has had and it gets much much worse should he be having a growth spurt . He has always taken part in all class activities , I would never have dreamed of asking that he not take part in reading out loud in class . My son’s stammer will go with him throughout his life , as will your daughters lisp . They can not opt out of normal life because of it and I personally think you have done her no favours by letting her not take part in a normal school activity . Your emphasis should have been on the bullying , you shouldn’t have been shouting at teachers , that makes you no better than the bullies - we always get more out of people by being nice to them . Concentrate on building your daughter up , the quality of what she has to say is so much more important than how she says it . Make sure she works hard and the lisp will cease to be important . Sorry if this sounds harsh - I know it’s not easy

DD has a stammer, and the advice of the educational psych was completely the opposite. She should have the choice, and be encouraged to speak, but never forced.

By the end of secondary school she was one of the stars of the school debating team, stammer included.

Because she was listened to when she was being asked something that was a step too far, and an alternative provided. That gave her the confidence to challenge herself and take risks, at a pace that was right for her.

It's like going to the gym when you aren't very fit, and just copying the workout of the person next to you, who is a lot fitter. You're going to get injured. You need a workout that will challenge you enough to get a bit fitter, and increase the workout gradually.

usedtobeaylis · 13/10/2025 11:58

Onmytod24 · 13/10/2025 11:36

OP your focus on the wrong thing you’re teaching your daughter to be ashamed of her lisp. that lisp is part of who she is at the moment. Read the schools policy on bullying and take that into your next meeting with the teacher also head or whoever.

I don't think she is teaching her that. She's teaching her that she doesn't have to accept people bullying her because of it, including her teacher. The kid is witnessing her parent standing up for her, there's a lesson in that.

beAsensible1 · 13/10/2025 11:58

PollyBell · 13/10/2025 06:54

The original child can speak although has troubles, a child can attempt to run they dont have to be an olympic sprinter

a child who cannot speak at all would not be asked to speak, a child physically not able to run at all would not be asked to try

Show quote history

This. She has a lisp and is self conscious about it. It's not that she can't read or struggles to read aloud. this is dealt with by coming down on the bullies HARD not by reinforcing her fears that she shouldn't read aloud or be embarrassed read aloud with a lisp. because thats what this is doing.

finding something difficult or not being good at it doesn't mean they shouldn't be encouraged to do it in their own way if they can?

Baital · 13/10/2025 11:59

Oh, and she got a distinction in GCSE English oral...

beAsensible1 · 13/10/2025 12:00

teachers failure to deal with bullying is massive issue and you should raise it immediately

N27 · 13/10/2025 12:01

If someone had a limp im
sure they wouldn’t be forced to run the 200m so why should this be different

usedtobeaylis · 13/10/2025 12:01

Baital · 13/10/2025 11:58

DD has a stammer, and the advice of the educational psych was completely the opposite. She should have the choice, and be encouraged to speak, but never forced.

By the end of secondary school she was one of the stars of the school debating team, stammer included.

Because she was listened to when she was being asked something that was a step too far, and an alternative provided. That gave her the confidence to challenge herself and take risks, at a pace that was right for her.

It's like going to the gym when you aren't very fit, and just copying the workout of the person next to you, who is a lot fitter. You're going to get injured. You need a workout that will challenge you enough to get a bit fitter, and increase the workout gradually.

Show quote history

This just seems like so much common sense. Damaging a child's confidence for absolutely no reason is not the way to approach it. Instead your daughter was able to build her confidence which is something schools should be striving for ahead of this kind of nonsense. The fact that the wee girl and her obedience has become the focal point point instead of the children who are laughing at her suggests wider problems in the school and frankly on Mumsnet.

mumoftwo99x · 13/10/2025 12:08

Not unreasonable at all. I’d have done the same.

TheignT · 13/10/2025 12:09

Summertoautumnovernight · 13/10/2025 11:48

Hi OP , my eldest - now 17 - has a stammer , he always has had and it gets much much worse should he be having a growth spurt . He has always taken part in all class activities , I would never have dreamed of asking that he not take part in reading out loud in class . My son’s stammer will go with him throughout his life , as will your daughters lisp . They can not opt out of normal life because of it and I personally think you have done her no favours by letting her not take part in a normal school activity . Your emphasis should have been on the bullying , you shouldn’t have been shouting at teachers , that makes you no better than the bullies - we always get more out of people by being nice to them . Concentrate on building your daughter up , the quality of what she has to say is so much more important than how she says it . Make sure she works hard and the lisp will cease to be important . Sorry if this sounds harsh - I know it’s not easy

Did you miss the OP had a quiet 1 to 1 where the teacher wasn't helpful.

If your son had come out of school hysterical about bullying would you have advocated for him or not?

Summertoautumnovernight · 13/10/2025 12:14

TheignT · 13/10/2025 12:09

Did you miss the OP had a quiet 1 to 1 where the teacher wasn't helpful.

If your son had come out of school hysterical about bullying would you have advocated for him or not?

Show quote history

No not at all , it is possible to advocate for one’s child without going around shouting at people , it might take a bit more time and effort and more than 1 quiet conversation though before bringing out the big guns .

TheNightingalesStarling · 13/10/2025 12:15

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cg7dxnk90eno

Its one of the reasons that Reading Dogs are used... Reading alou, especially when you are struggling for whatever reason, is stressful and counterproductive.

Seven-year-old Alfie sits on the floor next to Rafa, the black Labrador. He is reading him a book called Party Games. A book shelf with other children's books on it is behind Alfie and Rafa.

Rafa the labrador helping boost Devon children's reading skills

The labrador is providing a "listening ear" to help children gain confidence, librarians say.

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cg7dxnk90eno

Summertoautumnovernight · 13/10/2025 12:22

Baital · 13/10/2025 11:58

DD has a stammer, and the advice of the educational psych was completely the opposite. She should have the choice, and be encouraged to speak, but never forced.

By the end of secondary school she was one of the stars of the school debating team, stammer included.

Because she was listened to when she was being asked something that was a step too far, and an alternative provided. That gave her the confidence to challenge herself and take risks, at a pace that was right for her.

It's like going to the gym when you aren't very fit, and just copying the workout of the person next to you, who is a lot fitter. You're going to get injured. You need a workout that will challenge you enough to get a bit fitter, and increase the workout gradually.

Show quote history

That’s interesting , we have an equally successful son , very confident and very academic and no problem speaking out . You seem to have assumed he wasn’t supported and just left to get on with it - and that’s not the case at all . Perhaps it’s fair to say that different approaches work for different children

InMyShowgirlEra · 13/10/2025 12:27

Is she in speech therapy? Surely her classmates hear her voice all the time anyway, so how have they only just noticed her lisp? Have you advised her to just never speak in class? That's obviously unrealistic and just not participating isn't a reasonable adjustment to request.

LadyGreyTeaforMe · 13/10/2025 12:32

InMyShowgirlEra · 13/10/2025 12:27

Is she in speech therapy? Surely her classmates hear her voice all the time anyway, so how have they only just noticed her lisp? Have you advised her to just never speak in class? That's obviously unrealistic and just not participating isn't a reasonable adjustment to request.

Read ALL by OP -OP explains this.

derxa · 13/10/2025 12:34

AberforthDumbledoresGoat · 13/10/2025 06:31

DD has a lisp. It has greatly improved as she’s gotten older but it is still very noticeable and she’s quite young still (primary). She struggles with ‘th’ and ‘f’ and can be quite self conscious about it, particularly around her classmates.

Her teacher has started having the class read out loud whichever book they are reading that week. Each child speaks until she says ‘stop.’

Recently DD was incredibly upset when I met her at the gates (she saw me and burst into tears and was quite hysterical). Her classmates had laughed at her in class and the teacher had ignored it other than to ask for quiet and the bullying had continued all day. I gently raised it with the school and asked that she not be asked to speak as, in my eyes, embarrassing her in front of 20 other children is not going to help her lisp and I just don’t think you do that to a young child. The teacher said no.

So, I told DD she was to refuse to read out loud if she doesn’t want to. She did exactly that - cue exasperated teacher at the gates asking to speak to me. The teacher absolutely refused to understand that embarrassing DD in front of her classmates was counterproductive and she ended up saying it was causing her problems as other children were now refusing to read out loud.

I did lose my temper slightly and pointed out if she had taken action, and addressed the classmates laughing at DD in class over her lisp, that this wouldn’t have been an issue. I also said I didn’t care if other children were disrupting the class by refusing to read.

WIBU to have told her to refuse to read given how upset she was?

It’s not a lisp

Mycatlovesherbickies · 13/10/2025 12:34

its inexcusable the teacher has no empathy for such a sensitive issue, I don't think you're unreasonable at all for defending your child , But I would be taking her to have speech therapy for it. .. my child had a mild lisp and speech therapy got rid of it permanently , 10 sessions

Acheyelbows · 13/10/2025 12:35

Your daughter will remember you sticking up for her when she felt humiliated. She will need coping mechanisms and resilience to deal with this across her lifetime. Being forced to read with the entire class and be laughed at is not of any benefit to her. I can understand your anger. Avoiding it forever will not help her but scaffolded, structured reading in school could build her back up.

The teacher has created this issue rather than respecting your request not to have her read. The other children refusing could also have difficulty reading aloud and the teacher will have to adapt her reading lesson accordingly..paired, choral, independent reading..she can take her pick.

Teachers differentiate and make adaptations all the time and I can't see why that wouldn't have been done the first time you asked. Does she believe the refusal to be defiant behaviour from your daughter?

Motherbear44 · 13/10/2025 12:39

Thatcannotberight · 13/10/2025 09:26

I'm pretty sure the OP said her DD does speech therapy and was practicing every day with her father too. Until badly managed events at school shattered her confidence.

I skipped a couple of pages. Sorry

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