To have told DD not to read out loud in class if she doesn’t want to?

[AberforthDumbledoresGoat]

DD has a lisp. It has greatly improved as she’s gotten older but it is still very noticeable and she’s quite young still (primary). She struggles with ‘th’ and ‘f’ and can be quite self conscious about it, particularly around her classmates.

Her teacher has started having the class read out loud whichever book they are reading that week. Each child speaks until she says ‘stop.’

Recently DD was incredibly upset when I met her at the gates (she saw me and burst into tears and was quite hysterical). Her classmates had laughed at her in class and the teacher had ignored it other than to ask for quiet and the bullying had continued all day. I gently raised it with the school and asked that she not be asked to speak as, in my eyes, embarrassing her in front of 20 other children is not going to help her lisp and I just don’t think you do that to a young child. The teacher said no.

So, I told DD she was to refuse to read out loud if she doesn’t want to. She did exactly that - cue exasperated teacher at the gates asking to speak to me. The teacher absolutely refused to understand that embarrassing DD in front of her classmates was counterproductive and she ended up saying it was causing her problems as other children were now refusing to read out loud.

I did lose my temper slightly and pointed out if she had taken action, and addressed the classmates laughing at DD in class over her lisp, that this wouldn’t have been an issue. I also said I didn’t care if other children were disrupting the class by refusing to read.

WIBU to have told her to refuse to read given how upset she was?

Are you serious?

How about some empathy and understanding of what it feels like to be that child?

There is a huge difference speaking on the phone to one person and speaking in front of a class who laugh at your disability.

Bullying and teasing? Come on! It's not teasing.

You don't 'teach' resilience by making a child do something where they are laughed at and bullied.

@EgregiouslyOverdressed she’s 9.

It’s partly why I’m so angry as it gets harder and harder to rebuild her confidence as she gets older and incidents like this absolutely do not help.

Thank goodness for parents like you who are willing and able to advocate for their children. No specific advice, but I applaud your commitment to supporting your daughter. There are times when we know we are right and need to stand by that. This sounds like one of those times. Best of luck getting your daughter the additional support/adjustment and understanding that she needs. Appalling that the school has shown no interest in supporting her - presumably the speech therapist has provided you with guidelines to present to the school?, and if not, could that be arranged?

I completely disagree.

But what it does take, is time to establish the classroom culture so everyone knows it's expected, why it's expected, is supported and is listened to.

When I was teaching, I would expect everyone to take turns reading aloud. But not everyone in the same way. There were certain children I would pick first, certain children that would only read a sentence or smaller paragraph (gradually building up), certain children that would read 2 pages, certain children that I would give them a paragraph ahead of time so they could practice, certain children that would read aloud with a partner and gradually reducing so they felt confident to read aloud, certain children I would give time to work out a tricky word and others I would step in and give them the word.

But most importantly, everyone knew we all support each other. Kids that weren't particularly friends would step in and help others with tricky words, or words of encouragement. Everyone needs to feel valued.

Removing the opportunity to read aloud does nothing to support or build confidence in a struggling reader. Doing it in a supportive way can be transformational. And the children are in a better place for not being automatically overlooked because of their difficulty.

Nothing can make you prouder as a teacher to see a child who was scared to read at the beginning of the year, confidently (albeit slowly) read aloud and seeing not just the smile on their face, but the rest of the classes faces too because they're also proud of their classmate.

Reading is everything. And that has to include reading aloud.

But the teacher wasn't going to do that, she didn't do anything about the other kids bullying the child. Maybe the school will be forced to address it now.

Nothing can make you prouder as a teacher to see a child who was scared to read at the beginning of the year, confidently (albeit slowly) read aloud and seeing not just the smile on their face, but the rest of the classes faces too because they're also proud of their classmate.

I agree. The problem is that this particular teacher doesn’t share your view and is doing damage to DD by continuing to force her to do something she finds humiliating - not least because the teacher is not shutting down the teasing while she’s actually reading. Not sure what that’s supposed to teach to be honest.

This might be relevant if the child is doing GCSE English this year. But the child is in primary school. There are a whole lot of years for her to develop this skill, with the help and support of SLT. What won’t help her develop the skill at all, is being made to read in front of a class now.

What is also important, even for little kids, is they are given the tools to speak up to authority when they know something isn’t right. I’m not talking about being defiant for the sake of it or refusing to do something when they just don’t want to, I mean when they know something is wrong they should feel comfortable saying so. I have been very clear with the school, and my daughter, she knows what works for her and what doesn’t. They need to listen to her and if they won’t, they’ll phone me and I’ll tell them. It’s the nuclear option and to be used sparingly, but she will only ever stand her ground if she is 100% certain I will back her up. If she is unsure, she deals with it at the time and asks me about it when she gets home. We also have a deal that if she ever gets in trouble for speaking out, and I agree with what she has done, even if she hasn’t quite done it in the right way, I will never lose my shit with her and will deal with the school to sort it out. She is 16 now and is very capable of challenging authority where she feels there has been an injustice and has learned the right way to do it. I feel this is a valuable skill she has learned and wish more kids would do it.

Nothing can make you prouder as a teacher to see a child who was scared to read at the beginning of the year, confidently (albeit slowly) read aloud and seeing not just the smile on their face, but the rest of the classes faces too because they're also proud of their classmate.

That sounds like something you’d read by Enid Blyton. In my experience this isn’t the reality of what happens 99% of the time.

The first thing OP asked for was for the child to not read aloud in class. Not that the bullying was dealt with.

Why should the child lose out on the education the rest of her class are getting? The issue is not that she read, it's that she was bullied.

This is awful.
The teacher should have sat all the kids down and read the riot act about how we don’t make fun of anyone for any reason. What is the teacher doing to address this for your daughter and nip this in the bud before it spills over to active bullying?

A child in my son’s class has Tourette’s. The school have a big focus on acceptance and empathy and as a result he’s part of a friendship group that experiences the usual friendship ups and downs… none of them focussed on his tics.

I absolutely would not be forcing my child to do the very thing that is leading to her humiliation if the school do not come down hard on sorting this out!

When you say teach her some resilience, do you mean tell her she will just have to put up with the bullying or did you have something more useful in mind for the OP?

Reading is everything. And that has to include reading aloud.

Nonsense. Reading is good - for those who enjoy it. Reading helps with a whole load of skills but it isn’t everything and those skills can be taught different ways. There are all sorts of children who can’t read and for whom reading for pleasure will never be part of their world. And that’s ok. Reading aloud does not have to be a part of loving to read. My mother is an avid reader but would avoid reading aloud wherever she could. That’s fine too.

The actual issue is that she was bullied and the teacher allowed it. It’s humiliating and if it continues she will forever associate that humiliation with reading out loud and feel it in any future situations. Before the issue of reading out loud is sorted (and I agree it’s important) the bullying needs to be addressed, and it sounds as though for some reason the teacher isn’t willing to do that. It needs to be escalated and I do think it’s understandable that OP has asked for her child not to be humiliated further while a solution is found.

Maddy70

"Teachers are used to all sorts of things and know how to handle sensitive issues"

Well this particular one doesn't .

Nah. Just mindless keyboard warrior shite for no other reason than they can.

She is

Be more forceful. Schools have 11 million things to remember and manage, a little gentle, nicey, nicey conversation will sadly fall through the cracks.

Don’t be so ridiculous.

My reply would be in writing, to the head and the teacher.

Dear teacher, I completely agree that reading aloud is beneficial for reading and speech development. However what you provided for my daughter was a teacher facilitated bullying session where the other students laughed at and mocked my daughter, and instead of the apology and sincere reassurances this will never happen again and you’ve spoken to all the children to ensure that, you are telling me I am holding back my daughters development by telling her she doesn’t have to participate in your facilitated bullying sessions. Can I ask what the academic evidence is to justify your theory you shared with me that being the butt of a class bullying session with all of them mocking a child with a slight speech impediment while the teacher oversees it will support that child’s development? On the other hand there is lots of evidence of the severe harm inflicted by bullying on children; although when it’s the teacher themselves involved and culpable they use stronger terms than bullying. As a parent I’m horrified this has occurred to my child and that the school are condoning it rather than leaping to stop it.

I do not permit my child to participate in reading aloud in your class until you and the head have explained the steps taken to ensure this group bullying will not happen again. On behalf of my child I will absolutely take this to the governers and any authority necessary. She has a letter in her bag from me to show anyone to this effect, it has my contact details on it.

I have requested a meeting, and I again request a meeting. If need be I will turn up and your receptionist will have the pleasure of my company until they have found a time the two of you are available.

kind regards
<mum>

seething on your behalf here.

YANBU and I am a teacher. Your poor DD. Oracy is great for kids but I've also taught classes with children with learning disabilities, very severe anxiety, selective mutes, a child with cerebral palsy who communicated through a computer...

The way you're supposed to plan reading aloud is to choose paragraphs or even sentences that you think each child will be able to cope with / be suitably challenged by. If I was DD's teacher I'd have tried to find a sentence without challenges for her lisp, spoken to her about it and/or got her to read to me individually instead.

Also teacher is delusional if she thinks children wouldn't have clocked on that they could just refuse even without your DD saying no. It is hard because oracy is so good for them, but you've got to build them up and consider each child's needs.

YANBU. You raised it with the school and they and the teacher have ignored you. Ideally you would want your daughter to have this practice of reading and speaking aloud but the teacher is not facilitating a safe environment for that. So no, you're not being unreasonable. You are the only one in the situation advocating for your daughter, you're doing your job. Keep doing that until they accept that they have a duty here.

You can't just dismiss the damage that has been done. Yes the bullying needs to be dealt with but this child needs time and help to get to a position where it would be reasonable to ask her to read aloud again. The teacher also needs to do some work to gain her trust as she has let her down very badly. I think the teacher needs some training.

The message from the teacher should be there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a lisp- obviously how the teacher conveys this would depend on the class) Everyone is different. Nothing to laugh about. She should praise your daughter for good reading.

Message to your daughter is that her reading, with or without a lisp, is just as good as anyone else's.

I would tell her it sucks that other kids are pointing out her lisp. That's rude on their part. And that it must feel awful for other kids to tease her. And that she is a fabulous reader and should crack on.

Does the school have a SENCO?

my daughter has dyslexia and so part of her reasonable adjustment is that she doesn’t read aloud in class. She still does speak aloud such as pre prepared presentations but not just ad hoc from a book, I’m sure you could ask for something similar

Did you read the post, she reached out to the school and the teacher said no.