Am I being delusional?

[Karlaken]

Hooked up with a guy out of state about a month ago. Since then we’ve communicated off and on but nothings been consistent except for the couple days right after intimacy. He’ll randomly call and text me. We don’t follow each other on socials but he’ll type my name in on social media and view all my stories and interact with them almost everyday. Nothings been talked about as far as where we stand. Sometimes I’ll get bored and reach out send him funny memes, he always replies. He recently called me and we spent 5 hours on the phone, just chatting and laughing. He suggested that I come with him on a work trip at the end of the month, free of all expenses. I told him I’ll think about it? I just find it weird, why would I go on your work trip with you when we only talk sometimes ? We don’t live in the same state, yet stuff is confusing lol ? He claimed that we both had a lot of chemistry when we met. I am eventually moving to where he lives by the end of the year, it been my dream state for awhile. So no this has nothing to do with him.

is it normal for me to wonder or even reminisce on that night we spent together? Sometimes I think I maybe caught some feelings but I feel like that’s delusional. Sometimes I do feel like I’m being used as a filler or a woman he’s unsure about yet wants to keep in his roaster ?

You quite clearly "caught feelings" based on the fact that you're still giving this so much headspace a month later. I don't think that makes you delusional but I do think you're likely to end up hurt.

It doesn't sound like he wants a relationship with you, if that's what you're looking for. He seems to have you pinned as someone he can see casually. If that's not what you want then I'd suggest you stop contact and move on to someone who wants the same things you do.

I don’t think there’s anything so dramatic as delusions or possible heartbreak happening. You both had a good time, stayed in touch, he wants to see you again. Just see where it goes. Maybe it’s just a fling, maybe more. There’s no way to know but be patient and find out. If you’re worried about it, just go on some dates locally to get your mind off of him in the meantime.

Is this the same bloke as before or a different one?

@Karlaken, I mean this kindly, but I think you should stop having sex with people or even flirting on a night out — it seems to put you into an endless cycle of ‘Why did he do that?’-type rumination.

And the thing that is strikingly missing from all your threads is any sense of what you want. Do you want to see this man again or not?

I want a relationship. I’m 25 so I want someone I can settle down with. Yes I would like to see him again, yet I don’t want someone who’s unsure about me or sees me as a casual fling

Well currently you are a casual fling, nobody can predict the future. Either go with it and give it a try or don’t, it’s up to you. Stop over thinking it

Personally id go on the work trip, have a lot of sex and not focus on anything but getting to know each other and having fun. If it's meant to be it'll happen in its own time. As my dd says, chill yo beanz , which I think means relax, slow down and go with the flow. (Or possibly that she hates me. She's a teen and my mere existence is a source of distress for her).

Then you need to start paying attention to what you actually value in people and what type of relationship you want. Randomly having sex with someone who lives a long way away or wondering why some other guy you just met unfollowed you on SM aren’t likely to lead to a relationship, if that’s what you want.

So stop “hooking up” with men and having sex with them. 🤦‍♀️

I dunno. Dh was meant to be a one night stand. It was spectacularly unsuccessful. He's still here quarter of a century later 😂

It’ll be the same one. It’s always the same out of state guy that’s lives where she’s moving, who “acts weird”, is obsessed by people’s arms in her photos (other people’s and his), ignores her sometimes but then talks to her, gives her money for no real reason but she happily accepts etc etc etc. It is not healthy.

Edit: ffs its you again on your 912th thread.

Break up already.

What are you talking about ? This is my first post on this site … kinda confused

What’s DH?

Dh = husband
https://www.mumsnet.com/i/acronyms

I think you're more than kinda confused, I'd say very confused. This is your 3rd post on the site about "hooking up" with randomers and not understanding the aftermath.

Then you have twins or more

You know people can search your username yes? You literally posted about this guy last month. It’s there in black and white. (You’ve also posted about him before under a different username)

In how you are writing here you sound like you need a relationship rather than that you would like a relationship. That need comes across in your energy and it gets exploited by men who just want sex. You need to address that first, become certain and confident in who you are as a person and that need for someone else aka the void goes back to being a want and your energy changes.

Ah, gotcha.

If you want a relationship then you need to act like you want a relationship. Hooking up is basically casual sex. Raise the bar. It doesn't sound like he wants anything serious, so the first thing to do is drop him. Stop contacting him, chasing him, reminiscing and clear the way for something/someone more substantial. Perhaps spend a bit of time on your own, working out exactly what you do want - 'I want a relationship' is pretty vague.

Is it this guy? You really do need to forget about him and move on.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5411857-why-is-he-flipping-the-script

I would bet money on the fact its also this one despite the OP saying she’s never posted before.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5406638-how-do-i-get-over-this-quick

Ugh, my heart sank when I opened this thread. How many times are you going to post the exact same drivel op? And cease and desist with the disingenuous crap that this is your first time here. I’ve lost count of the times you’ve written this nonsense. Go and get some fresh air eh?

The 'all expenses paid' trip is just sex. You do realise that? He's using you for a bit of entertainment whenever he feels like it and he's using you for sex on this trip. If you're using him too, that's fine, (or at least it would be if you paid your share instead of sponging off him), but it's clear he is not seeing this as a relationship.