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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How do I get over this quick

2 replies

Janelizzy · 08/09/2025 01:53

I know I’ve already posted about this… yet this is the full story

I flew out to a state that I might be moving to visit it and also visit my family. The man I have been talking to for a few months lives in that state. We have never met in person; our communication has been through phone and FaceTime calls. We recently started talking again after some time apart, but about two weeks ago, he got upset because he was giving me hotel suggestions, and I wouldn’t tell him which hotel I was staying at.

After I arrived, he learned I was in town through my social media stories. He asked me why I hadn’t informed him I was there. It’s important to note that this trip was for me and my family, and me and him we had just had an argument two weeks ago, so I wasn’t expecting to see him. He then questioned me about being around other men while I was there, asking me if I was in other guys faces when I went out, the night before. Eventually, we met, and we went to a very upscale restaurant. He was very handsome, and everything felt natural with a mutual attraction and a lot of chemistry. He was shocked by my appearance, couldn’t take his eyes off me, and gave me many compliments. There was a lot of physical contact, and he kept kissing my hands.

He took several pictures of us together and even suggested that I take a picture of his arm to show that I was with a man. Knowing I had to leave the next day, he proposed that I stay an extra day, offering to pay for my flight and everything. I declined because of work commitments, and the trip wasn’t intended for that.

To summarize, I ended up sleeping with him. The experience was intense and passionate, with a lot of eye contact and kissing. We were intimate for most of the night. Afterward, he became very affectionate, cuddling with me, wanting me to stay the night, and even rubbing my cramps. My instincts kicked in, and I decided to leave for my hotel. He texted me the next morning to ask how I was feeling etc

I don’t expect much, if anything, from this situation. I live in another state, and there wasn’t a solid foundation between us to begin with. My feelings are somewhat involved due to the intimacy we shared. He was texting me a couple days after our time together. Then he stoped it’s been days since he’s contacted me, yet he comment heart eyes on a picture I just recently posted of myself, and is also the first person to view my social media stories.

my feelings are now in it? I’m not sure how to move on fast from it.

OP posts:
FortuneFaded · 08/09/2025 01:58

Here we go again. Maybe take the advice you were given on the last thread? If you have to share every single thing in this ridiculous set up has to be shared with randoms for their advice you won’t take, then you need to stop any form of relationship and get some therapy as you aren’t emotionally mature enough to cope.

DeathStare · 08/09/2025 03:45

I've not read your other thread (threads?) but there are huge red flags all over this. I assume that's what you've been told previously?

I also assume you know the controlling behaviour around you not telling him you were in town, the nasty insinuations he made, and the insistence on having a photo taken are all very worrying signs of control and abuse? If not, you wouldn't post them.

You say you now have feelings involved... I'm sorry to be blunt but you need to get a grip before you end up in what is clearly a dangerous situation. You've met him once. ONCE! If you can have feelings for somebody you've met once that mean you ignore clear signs of abusive and controlling behaviour then you need therapy not a boyfriend. Your feelings are only going to get more intense - and so is his controlling behaviour.

And do you think women who leave abusive husbands they've been with for years don't have feelings involved?

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