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AIBU?

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Original poster

I want to start eating meals as a family but there are so many hurdles to overcome

408 replies

Rockininthefreeworld · 12/10/2025 19:59

Please don't judge me. I'm really looking for some advice and just feel so dissatisfied with our whole set-up 😔

I have felt bad about the fact that we never eat as a family. We have two children, age 6 and 2, and they always eat separately to us. This is for a number of reasons...

  1. DH is a very fussy eater, and won't eat 90% of the things I make for the children
  2. DH and I both work full-time until around 6pm, making eating together quite challenging. Having said that, we both work from home a lot, so it is do-able with some planning (but then, see point 1...)
  3. We have a kitchen island but no room for a dining table, which means eating together in the kitchen is just sitting in a row. This makes conversations feel a bit challenging.
  4. We have a dining room (although carpeted...) and I'd love us all to eat in there, but DH gets very very funny about mess and smells. I've tried to approach the subject but he just gets annoyed and shuts it down. He uses the dining room to work, which is very annoying to be honest because I feel like that's a whole social room that we've just completely lost out on.

The 2 year old is at nursery full time which does give him "social eating" time, and I think the 6 year old is fine because we do eat out and I often go back to my parents where we sit together at the table. But, he also gets very bored if I'm not constantly entertaining him and he's not a stranger to the tablet at the table. I hate that and feel quite ashamed.

I just don't know how to handle this. I feel so dissatisfied with the whole arrangement, but DH isn't going to support me with it and it feels difficult trying to do it in the kitchen anyway. I just want us to have a nice family meal together, even just at the weekends, but even if we manage that it still has to be in the friggin' kitchen and no-one will talk to me, DS will moan for his tablet and DH will be on his phone. I've tried to implement this before (in the kitchen), and it just felt pointless in the end because I felt like I was fighting a losing battle.

Does anyone have any advice? 🙁

OP posts:
lauly · 19/10/2025 11:56

Rockininthefreeworld · 12/10/2025 19:59

Please don't judge me. I'm really looking for some advice and just feel so dissatisfied with our whole set-up 😔

I have felt bad about the fact that we never eat as a family. We have two children, age 6 and 2, and they always eat separately to us. This is for a number of reasons...

  1. DH is a very fussy eater, and won't eat 90% of the things I make for the children
  2. DH and I both work full-time until around 6pm, making eating together quite challenging. Having said that, we both work from home a lot, so it is do-able with some planning (but then, see point 1...)
  3. We have a kitchen island but no room for a dining table, which means eating together in the kitchen is just sitting in a row. This makes conversations feel a bit challenging.
  4. We have a dining room (although carpeted...) and I'd love us all to eat in there, but DH gets very very funny about mess and smells. I've tried to approach the subject but he just gets annoyed and shuts it down. He uses the dining room to work, which is very annoying to be honest because I feel like that's a whole social room that we've just completely lost out on.

The 2 year old is at nursery full time which does give him "social eating" time, and I think the 6 year old is fine because we do eat out and I often go back to my parents where we sit together at the table. But, he also gets very bored if I'm not constantly entertaining him and he's not a stranger to the tablet at the table. I hate that and feel quite ashamed.

I just don't know how to handle this. I feel so dissatisfied with the whole arrangement, but DH isn't going to support me with it and it feels difficult trying to do it in the kitchen anyway. I just want us to have a nice family meal together, even just at the weekends, but even if we manage that it still has to be in the friggin' kitchen and no-one will talk to me, DS will moan for his tablet and DH will be on his phone. I've tried to implement this before (in the kitchen), and it just felt pointless in the end because I felt like I was fighting a losing battle.

Does anyone have any advice? 🙁

If you’re both working from home, start using the slow cooker. Insist that you use the dining room because that’s what it’s for and ignore your husband. He’s being ridiculous. Other than that I don’t see any barriers. How are you supposed to teach your children communication at the dining room table if they never get a child to practice? In terms of different food, is there a reason the children won’t eat what you eat?
I think someone’s already said, your husband is the problem.

smithsgj · 20/10/2025 15:23

Rockininthefreeworld · 12/10/2025 20:23

@Octavia64 that's actually the most annoying thing about all of this - we have a lovely sized dining table in that dining room. It's primed ready for dining, and instead just gets DH and his laptop

Does he use it to operate on his patients?!?

KoiTetra · 20/10/2025 15:49

Rockininthefreeworld · 12/10/2025 19:59

Please don't judge me. I'm really looking for some advice and just feel so dissatisfied with our whole set-up 😔

I have felt bad about the fact that we never eat as a family. We have two children, age 6 and 2, and they always eat separately to us. This is for a number of reasons...

  1. DH is a very fussy eater, and won't eat 90% of the things I make for the children
  2. DH and I both work full-time until around 6pm, making eating together quite challenging. Having said that, we both work from home a lot, so it is do-able with some planning (but then, see point 1...)
  3. We have a kitchen island but no room for a dining table, which means eating together in the kitchen is just sitting in a row. This makes conversations feel a bit challenging.
  4. We have a dining room (although carpeted...) and I'd love us all to eat in there, but DH gets very very funny about mess and smells. I've tried to approach the subject but he just gets annoyed and shuts it down. He uses the dining room to work, which is very annoying to be honest because I feel like that's a whole social room that we've just completely lost out on.

The 2 year old is at nursery full time which does give him "social eating" time, and I think the 6 year old is fine because we do eat out and I often go back to my parents where we sit together at the table. But, he also gets very bored if I'm not constantly entertaining him and he's not a stranger to the tablet at the table. I hate that and feel quite ashamed.

I just don't know how to handle this. I feel so dissatisfied with the whole arrangement, but DH isn't going to support me with it and it feels difficult trying to do it in the kitchen anyway. I just want us to have a nice family meal together, even just at the weekends, but even if we manage that it still has to be in the friggin' kitchen and no-one will talk to me, DS will moan for his tablet and DH will be on his phone. I've tried to implement this before (in the kitchen), and it just felt pointless in the end because I felt like I was fighting a losing battle.

Does anyone have any advice? 🙁

OP, as others have said your biggest challenge here is your DH. He sounds challenging on the food front!

In terms of the timing it is absolutely doable. My DW and I both work (fully office based 5 days a week) and don't get home until 6pm usually. We have a 1&3 year old and probably eat together 12/13 nights a fortnight, usually only missing nights if one of us is going out.

We focus on either very quick meals (carbonara etc that you can make in 10-15 minutes maximum) or we have meals that are mostly oven based and pre-set the oven to come on so its ready for getting home (think chicken kiev with mini roast potatoes and roasted veg, casseroles etc.) We also do lots of batch cooking so will make a big spag bol, chilli, shepherds pie etc at a weekend and then have those 1-2 days a week.

Blondeshavemorefun · 25/10/2025 12:27

How’s it going @Rockininthefreeworld

EagerLemur · 20/12/2025 20:12

Husband can use the kitchen as an office or deal with the smells, a dining room that can't be used as a dining room is crazy, husband can get a fold out desk and work in the bedroom or living room too, and he maybe need to go get diagnosed at the doctors to deal with his sensory issues

Brooke70 · 20/12/2025 23:23

Yep, get a rug down on the floor and a nice dining table. The 6 yr old will have to learn that when you sit at the table it's for a meal, not tablet time, the 2 yr old, get a high chair and put it up to the table-the child will follow it's elder siblings actions. As for DH, he can cook a meal for a change! How about he does 3 dinners a week? Why should you do it all?, as you work too. He'll soon learn to be less picky! - and mmak3 sure he washes up and puts everything away!

Wrenjay · 21/12/2025 19:47

We always had carpet in our DR which was straight off the kitchen (no other way to access DR). DCs were very young when we moved into this home. I don't understand why every room has to be pristine all the time: So what is the problem if there is food on the carpet/floor? Eating is a social/family occasion all meals every day.

Wrenjay · 21/12/2025 20:03

All of this is utterly ridiculous. DH is a dictator having no regard to normal family routines. He is destroying your DCs mental health for his own needs. This is an abusive situation. Remove yourself and DCs from this place (it is not a home) or get him removed by the authorities. He is mentally deficient and is morally wrong. Speak to a DV organisation and make sure your children do not grow up in this unnatural and abusive situation.

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