Nursry does a better job than me at bringing up my child

[wishitwasntme123]

Single parent. Zero support emotionally or physically or financially.

After spending the whole week with my kid (nursery was shut due to flood) I can safety say Ive got no patience and wish he didn't have me as a mum as I'm failing him

I bet tomorrow he’d want to stay with you rather than go to nursery op!

it’ll pass

it takes a village, part of yours is your childcare provider! Don’t beat yourself up! I’m definitely a better mum when I’ve had a break, and know many of my friends feel them same!

As long as he is fed loved and clothed you’re doing a good job. Nursery has resources time and more people to look after the kids. You’re not the first parent to loose their patience you won’t be the last. You’ve got this x

Nursery has multiple staff members, they have regular breaks, and they have a start and end time.

Of course it looks like they can cope better.

A mum who is failing their child doesn't care about if they are failing their child. I bet you're doing better than you think 💐

Absoluelty never.... He loves being there.

I used to work in a nursery. It was way easier than being a parent. I had evenings, nights and weekends off and my mum would wash my uniform when i got covered in tinned peach juice and yoghurt every day. You must be a good mum, bad mums don't worry about failing.

When mine were little, it seemed to be an acknowledged fact the children would behave worse for their mothers than anyone else, family or childcare. They would behave all day at nursery, then act up the second the mum took after. My DDs nursery teacher said she wouldn't believe she had never had a tantrum until she witnessed it in Tesco!

It's great that he loves nursery OP, not all kids do. How old is he?

My little one loves nursery and barely bats an eyelid when I drop them off, don’t worry about that its a good sign they don’t hate nursery, but it doesn’t mean your a bad mum or are failing your son. Don’t be so hard on yourself parenting is hard, especially alone with no support.
I cried last week because I was so stressed with a million things and I forgot to wash my daughters school jumper and felt like a shit mum, would you say I’m failing? I bet not, sometimes it’s so easy to put yourself down think of all the good things you do as a mum.

Yes, my now 18 year old dd was an angel at daycare. Then one day she was in the middle of a tantrum in a supermarket when the daycare director materialized behind her. DD's face was priceless. Stopped in her tracks.

I think people who dont have our kids full time often seem like they 'do a better job' - my son's nursery teachers are absolutely lovely all the time, and his Nana has so much time and patience for him too. I understand the guilt! But they only have them for a snapshot of time, its nowhere near the same as being a parent and all the relentlessness.

But you are his mum, what is more special than that? None of these other people will love him like you do, you are his rock in life and his safe place.

its good that you recognise that there are things about your parenting you want to do differently. A lot of parents are not that self aware and just repeat their experiences or project their feelings onto their children. There are parenting classes in every area, if you ask your nursery/hv they'll direct you. None of us are born brilliant at parenting. I’ve not done classes but I’ve certainly changed things about myself and the way I’ve interacted with my children and I’ve done a lot of reading about parenting. The one thing I will guarantee is that your child loves you the most in the world. Way more than nursery. He’s not meaning to test your patience. None of toddler/child behaviour is aimed at you personally. Good parents are like you and see how to improve. The not so good tend to be quite blind to it.

The problem you have is not that you can't look after your child or bring them up, of course you can ....the difficulty is having to do everything else at the same time on your own. Go easy on yourself

2 last week

Did you have the week off as annual leave? What have you done with him? Or was it trying to balance with work due to short notice?

There are none. I've asked. Says it's under 1 you go to the drop in groups and informal but after that there's no help unless referred due to social services or other.

I'm not asking for parenting classes, my child behaves fine. I'm just not a good parent, I have no idea how to teach them and just don't have patience.

I feel like work is the easy way out. Compared to a class he joined last week he seems heaps ahead in his development and how he is with grown ups.

I had to look after him so yeah. I work in a hospital so can't WFH

We adopted.

The best bit of advice I was given by our social worker was not to strive to be a perfect parent. There is no such thing.

Aim to be adequate. That's all that's needed.

It took a lot of pressure off, and I have stuck to that. And, in a funny way, I do believe it's made me a better parent overall as I do and say what I feel is appropriate to the situation unfolding in front of me, and not what I think I "ought" to be doing or saying.

Don't beat yourself up OP. The fact that you are even questioning it tells me you are definitely adequate!

Who defines adequate? Because my mum was adequate in that I haven't got a criminal record, wasn't abused, was fed and got an education.

I was horribly emotionally neglected that I self harmed, suicide idelation, eating disorders and now I don't form attachments.

But she was adequate.

I've felt like this at times. You have to remember that these people are both inclined to work with small children, and trained to do so! Theyre experts! But as much fun as he has there, he is not their number one - he's only your number one.

Its so easy to do all the messy play and the crafts and the other kids to play with when you're a paid for team. Much harder when it's just you. Why don't you ask them what it is he loves so much, and go from there?

They’re not “on call” to him 24/7 plus they know which buttons to press with mums - even when they’re much older! Don’t be so hard on yourself.

I'm just not a good parent, I have no idea how to teach them and just don't have patience.

None of us know what we are doing OP especially first time round, once you get a grasp on it they change and their needs change toddlers are not easy! You’d be surprised how much you are teaching him without even realising. Activities don’t always have to be structured put the music on and dance around, go and kick all the leaves in the park, have some fun x

You don't have to be everything to him OP, you're only one person. When my daughter went to nursery I was very aware that she being cared for by people who were qualified in ways I wasn't and could offer her things I couldn't. I think that's pretty healthy in all honesty. Nobody, not even a dependent child, can have all their needs met by one person. Focus on your strengths and do your best - that's all any of us can do in our given circumstances.

What makes you think you're failing him though? From very few posts here I can see that you work to provide for him, you facilitate him attending a nursery he likes, you care enough to be worried that you're failing him, and he's a well behaved child. You feel a lack of patience which you have acknowledged as something that isn't optimum, and don't don't know how to do everything. Well none of us does. You sound like a perfectly normal parent.

Can't stand parenting.

What will happen when he leaves nursery? Who will care for him and "love" him as much as the nursery staff (who I believe care for him deeply).

When he leaves nursery he will be older and it will be easier ... personally I found two year old to be the most difficult age to parent. They are mobile and into everything yet still too young to really understand instructions. Its very tricky. It will get better.