Nursry does a better job than me at bringing up my child

[wishitwasntme123]

Single parent. Zero support emotionally or physically or financially.

After spending the whole week with my kid (nursery was shut due to flood) I can safety say Ive got no patience and wish he didn't have me as a mum as I'm failing him

Ok

I went swimming, took him to the park. Went to visit my mum in a nursing home. Took him shopping. Went to see three friends. Walked up the eifle Tower and went on a pro Palestine march. Watched pepper pig. Got my nails did. Drive the car. Had a big poo. Read to him. Let him to watch TV whilst I went for a curry, think he likes MAFS. Went to phonic classes. Took him to spec savers.

He’ll have his own kids one day and forgive you lol.

Is his diet mainly healthy?
Does he have a fairly solid routine?
Is he outside every day, not bingeing on screens?
Do you read to him?
Do you regularly cuddle him?
Are you gentle with him aka no smacking?

If yes to all the above - you’re safe.

In my experience it’s only negligent parents that find it easy as they just sit their kids on tablets and throw freezer junk in the oven.

Thanks but I don't have any mental health difficulties. I've spoken to my HV and she's told me what I've written - unless you are a safeguarding case than they don't get involved. Told me to go to the gp and go did a questionnaire. Gp said Im not going to refer as you don't have any mental health conditions.

Perhaps people don't enjoy being a parent and Im one.

Im sorry you're struggling op but your attitude to people on here is really not pleasant....you are responding as if we're trying to catch you out. If you don't want any help or advice and just want to rant then just say so.

Haha
Sadly I don't think I'll be around for him as I'm already an older mam

No they are asking to provide a breakdown which I've said I don't want to do because it's personal and also I've had these feelings before and after.

But hey, no attitude if you want to push posters or provide information they don't want to use and no reference to what the staff at nursery provide - which is no different than being at home all day and going out in the garden. Don't need the judgement that you spend money to make yourself happy to be a mother.

I’m not trying to catch you out!!!!

Bloody hell Op. I was asking what you did because being inside all week with a toddler would be awful for anyone

OP what is it you want? Do you want some support to help you parent? You could contact social services and ask for some help.

Says who? That's a huge judgement. As already explain I have these feelings regardless of being at home or not.

FYI I have a five bedroom house eith swimming pool and outside covered are with lots of toys. Also games room.

I love being at home as well. I work in a hospital and do home visits so being at home is actually relaxing.

But let the judgemental comments flow ....

Help in what way?

As explained before I spoke to my HV and they said unless it's safeguarding there is no support.... And than it's intervention and risk register.

Can you let me know what support SS gave you?

Pretty clear what my original post suggested. Now sure why I need a bunch of people trying to put the conversation to what they want.... Don't you think?

There are of course those wonderful posters who have been super helpful and keep the conversation on track

But let the judgemental comments flow

I don't think there's been any judgemental comments op....just people genuinely trying to help and reassure you.

When your son goes to school you can continue to work full time and he can go to afterschool or a childminder, so he has other caring adults in his life.

Or you could get an au pair if you have a spare room - they can keep him busy, entertained and feeling loved.

There are things you can do to help your son feel cared for and get a range of experiences.

As a previously SM, don't be hard on yourself. 2 year olds are monsters 😅

Op, your replies on here read almost as though you want to be flamed.

I get that, really I do, when I've been struggling as a parent it used to make me feel validated if I found someone on here who would agree, sometimes I would even post knowing I was going to get flamed and that it would make me feel worse which just confirmed I was, in fat, a shit parent. In reality I was just really struggling with my kids and my mental health.

I know you've spoken to your health visitor, but the advice to speak to SS is good advice. They may know of charities or other support for you when you're struggling.

It's hard going and the days are so long, plus you have work, and need to be responsible for absolutely everything in your sons life and your own. There's no shame in asking for help.

He will be older and starting to form friendships hopefully. You also care for him. Is there an option for him to continue to attend the nursery as wraparound care or in the holidays? Could he join a wee club or group that will give him continuity?

Please give yourself a break. Being a single parent is so hard.

Omg!!!

I wasn’t accusing you op!! I was trying to help.

Op… I was really sympathetic initially

now I’m… well, I just feel sad for your son tbh

FYI I have a five bedroom house eith swimming pool and outside covered are with lots of toys. Also games room.

single mum who works in a hospital and can’t wfh and does home visits?

Sure you do

No-one looking after a 2 year old 24/7 is going to have endless patience! It's hard, relentless and very very tiring. But I promise you, it won't always be like this - he will grow and change and be a funny, entertaining and interesting young person and you will have more time to yourself as time goes on. You're not a shit mum, you're doing it all on your own and that would be hard for anyone! I have 5 adult sons and they are such good company, they're kind and they're thoughtful and they make all those years of hard work and exhaustion worth it. Don't be so hard on yourself OP. Working in a nursery is not remotely as hard as being a parent.

The way I see it is that your are doing the right thing by him, your sending him to a nursery to give him what you can’t at the moment, if he was unhappy and hated the staff but you still sent him then I’d say you are a bad parent, but the fact your DS loves the staff and is getting everything he needs during the day is good parenting. As parents we don’t have to be perfect at everything, knowing our limits is important for us to understand.

Your DS is happy, loved and getting the education he needs. When he leaves nursery he will be in school getting the education he needs, social skills, and will hopefully have loving supportive teachers too. You will continue to be his parent who loves him and makes the best decisions for him to ensure he’s getting the things he needs.

I adore my children, I think I’m a good parent but there is absolutely no way I could give them the things they’re nursery and school teachers could give them.

Thank you

Hahahaha you seem easily vexed and full of insults

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Yes I guess I compare myself to my friend with a child the same age and shes FTM (but also works) so childcare is minimal. She says she's "bringing up her children" and I guess I just know I don't have job for teaching him all day. However today at a group class he was so engaged with the learning and taking part I also know I would do him a disservice me not working. He has other children and staff to entertain him. Stricture, rules and a group setting.

I just feel like a failure - being a parent is hard but not how you think