To wish this mum would give it a rest?

[jane331]

My DC started school last year and, since then, I've got to know quite a few of the mums from the class. One of them in particular, "Emma" (not her real name) is really starting to grate on some of us. At every possible chance she gets, she goes on and on and onnnnnn about "needing" an ADHD diagnosis for her DS. This little boys is in trouble at school most days, my DD tells me all sort of stories about his behaviour in class and in the dining hall etc.
But the mum goes on so much, relentlessly infact, about him having ADHD, although adds on that it's "undiagnosed".
Why not pursue a formal diagnosis from CAMHS or privately, instead of making her own diagnosis and spending hours per week boring the other mums or anyone who's polite enough to listen? I've never heard her going on about "his ADHD" in the local corner shop when I was behind her in the queue. The sales assistant was smiling politely but clearly felt uneasy. Not to mention this mum was holding up the queue.
Who goes on so publicly and relentlessly about their DC health or any medical concerns? Maybe i'm just old-school but any health or ND concerns with my children, I wouldn't want to talk endlessly about to anyone who listens.

I think you should just think yourselves fortunate you’re not in the positions of her and her child tbh.

Some people affected by ADHD in their family do become very consumed by it and it takes over so they talk about it endlessly. Some will also see it everywhere in other people which I suspect is behind some of the posts on here suggesting ND with very little or no evidence.

All you can really do is try and change the subject.

what a nasty post!

its not as simple as going to CAMHS and getting a diagnosis, my GP’s won’t refuse until 6+ and then the wait to be seen can be up to 3 year (longer in some areas). She’s obviously very stressed and possibly embarrassed by the fact her son is always in trouble. Having a child like this is very isolating, people treat you differently and even disown you. It’s hard on the child and the parent.

Sure.. I’m the nasty one🤡

100% this

Maybe she feels she has to tell everyone because she's worried that people will judge her child for his behaviour, which you obviously do.

Thank goodness you called her ‘Emma’.

Just more goady bollocks.

when she says that he needs diagnosis it means literally that. It doesn’t mean that she is not seeking a diagnosis she is probably waiting, the waiting list for this is very long. We are talking years not weeks.

when she talks a lot with other people - well there is a possibility that she has AdHD herself and talking like this is a classic sign.

about the bit that you would behave differently if your child had a disability. Well you don’t know how you would behave, these life events affect people differently.

The reason they won’t diagnose ADHD until at least six is because it’s too hard to differentiate it from normal child behaviour before that age. However every parent who has an overly energetic and/or badly behaved child now seems to be convinced that it must be ADHD. As someone with diagnosed ADHD who has a diagnosed ADHD child it’s very frustrating to see this stereotype perpetuated.

There needs to be better understanding of ADHD generally to help people see that it’s a lot more complex then just being a bit noisy or badly behaved - not all children with ADHD will present in this way so some are at risk of being missed. Equally, not all children who struggle with behavioural issues have ADHD and a false presumption of this can prevent them from getting help for whatever else is going on.

Perhaps she herself is neurodiverse and is hyper focussing on the fact she has nobody helping her sort an assessment for her child.

You don’t have to be friends or acquaintances with her if you don’t want. Make an excuse to leave if you don’t feel you want to listen.

Or…..maybe offer to go for a cuppa with her and help her sort out an assessment. Ya e she doesn’t no where to begin and maybe school isn’t helping her.

Worried about her son, but the excuse of an ADHD diagnosis will salve her conscience about his behaviour. The extra money's going to be handy as well, no doubt, as well.

We are three years into a waiting list for assessment for our youngest.
We did go private for our eldest, it cost 3 grand and then we needed an NHS verified assessment on top to access the support we needed.
There are studies that having a ND child causes the same levels of heightened cortisone levels and stress as seen in combat soldiers. I even aaw an article written by an actual ex combat soldier who had two autistic children and he agreed with this study.
Having a child with adhd means constant meetings with school about behaviour, often means they are kicked out of after school activities like swimming classes due to safeguarding and you are constantly on high alert in case they do something spontaneous and dangerous as they have no fear and no boundaries no matter how good your parenting may be.
She is struggling and trying desparately to explain to people why he is different.

Yes because all parents of ND kids just love having an excuse for their behaviour, and everyone knows it's super easy to get disability benefits of course.

Autistic monologuing? I had a friend like this. Fun, bubbly person but would monologue what was going on for her to absolutely anyone not realising they were uncomfortable.

He’s too young for assessment. She does sound embarrassed by his behaviour and at the end of her tether.

Can’t imagine why the lady at the corner shop would even care so it seems like she has made this topic her identity.

You don’t need to interact with her at all. She’s probably just worried and it can take years to get a diagnosis, if at all.

Maybe i'm just old-school

That’s one way to put it….

Usually said before saying something really cuntish.

She sounds like a worried mum struggling with her child’s behaviour and worried about the judgement from it from perfect parents like you. Sounds like she’s doing her best. She may be an over sharer, but you are judgmental and mean so it just shows none of us are perfect.

Exactly how much time are you spending with this woman you find so irritating? Your behaviour is more puzzling than hers. She don’t like the woman but are choosing to listen to her. Wouldn’t be exaggerating by any chance would you?

We knew from birth that my son would have disabilities but we didn’t know what exactly. As a toddler and beyond I dreaded taking him out in public. The meltdowns were spectacular and so were the stares. He was nine when he received his ASD diagnosis and 15 for ADHD.

Couldn’t agree more.

@jane331you sound ill informed and incredibly unkind.

I imagine if her son is getting into trouble frequently, for whatever reason, she will be feeling quite isolated and probably vulnerable. He might be exhibiting poor behaviour, he may be ND, she may have started the diagnostic process, she may be battling her own feelings.

Imagine how it would feel to be the parent of the child who is talked about, maybe not invited to parties, hasn’t made friends. Of course, the opposite argument is that other children’s learning should not be compromised by a child behaving differently and the school needs to ensure that its processes and procedures are robust, but it can’t be easy being the parent of a child who is viewed so negatively.

Funny that you can never parent and have some expectations about your child behaviour without the passive-agressive etiquette "perfect parent". Bar is very low for some people, and you can see why people judge, and why they stay well away from the drama.

Shame it puts all the parents who manage and parent their own child with ADHD in the same basket, they are unfairly labelled and penalised.