How to gently tell partner I don't like gift

[Runnermumof2]

So I was out 10 year anniversary yesterday. We don't really celebrate things like that, but being 10 years he wanted to get something to mark it. It was very nice of him and gave me a watch last night. Problem is that he really likes collecting nice watches, i don't.
He did say it wasn't expensive "so that I will wear it" and he left the receipt inside. I was £400. To me that's still expensive and honestly, I don't actually like it. It feels old fashioned to me, I know his mum would like it, so maybe that's what he was thinking ?
He said it would be good for work, as iv just gone back from maternity leave. Second problem being that I work in a hospital, so am not allowed to wear watches and am 'bare below the elbow'
How do I let him know gently that I'd prefer to return it ? I did try to bring up the topic when he mentioned that he's spent the last of his monthly money on is in a jokey way and said 'but I would have been happy with a trip to B&M, you didn't have to buy me a watch' and he responded that it was something he really wanted to do to mark the occasion.

I'm stuck. I don't want to hurt his feelings. But also I know if I keep it, it will just gather dust in the cupboard and the money could be much better spent elsewhere.
Any help ?

Is it something that might keep its value? Could you keep it as an investment? ETA by investment I don't mean a proper one, but keep it as a keepsake to be sold at some future time when he's forgotten about it?!

I’d go with the unable to wear it at work angle- and suggest a cheaper one you’d like for the weekend or off duty and save the rest of the money or buy something else?

Yes, I’d politely tell him you don’t actually like it or want to wear a watch, and ask him to take it back.

You couldn’t gently suggest swapping it for a cheaper one as you won’t get to wear it often. But if he doesn’t go for it I’d keep it, wear it on date nights and just appreciate the gift that he put thought into to make a special occasion.

Tell him you loved the idea and sentiment, but won’t be allowed to wear the watch everyday, so feel it’s a lot of money to sit on the side.

Could it be swapped for a nurses watch? Maybe he could find a nice vintage one you like?

I think if this was my DH I'd be honest and say tbh it's not really my style and I can't wear it at work anyway, how about we have a nice day out and go to choose something together? Then you could pick what you like, saving some money if your taste isn't that fancy, and suggest spending the remainder on a nice meal or whatever else you'd like. But only you know your DH and how he'd react. Mine would be fine with this because he knows I have more specific taste than he does so he usually checks whether I'd like something before getting it anyway, but it sounds like maybe yours might be more sensitive about it?

Doesn’t sound like he put much thought into it really - he’s the one who wears and likes watches, he didn’t ask what you’d like or take you to choose something.

If it was £50 that’d be one thing but £400 is a lot of money to waste

Go with it's lovely but I won't be able to wear or. Could we swap for earrings, pendant etc as I love the momento idea? Will placate him and hopefully get what you will wear.

He got you something that he wants, not something you want. Is he thoughtless in other ways?

I think you just need to talk to them. Start the conversation with lots of reassurance and thanks.

My husband got me an experience day voucher for two for something I REALLY didn't want to do and I had to have a similar conversation. He's taking his mum now. It was worth talking about. The present isn't supposed to upset you. If I was the gift giver I'd want to know.

Yeah. I had a similar situation. Tried to talk but it ended up with him being really upset about trying to do something nice and never getting it right. And I still ended up with the item as I didn't feel I could push it any further.
So I have the thing. Worn it twice (as duty wears). Such a waste.

You may just have to suck it up.

After 10years surely you can tell him?

1. tell him it’s not your style
2. practically for work you can’t use it

10 years in and you should be able to say it

He can't know you very well OP if he said it would be nice to wear in work but you can't wear watches in work. Surely he should know that about you by now. How long have you known him?

I do agree with the others that you should be honest with him but also think that it’s not your choice what gift he gives you, do you feel any positive in him trying to buy you a special gift? And would you really not wear it ever, even outside of work?

I’d just tell him that it’s not your style and that with not being able to wear a watch for work, you would prefer something else. He likes watches and so bought you a watch. As as a pp said, it isn’t really him being very thoughtful, so I wouldn’t be too concerned about his feelings here anyway. After 10 years together, you should be able to speak honestly.

Tell him you don't have a watch because you're not into them like he is, and you're not allowed watches at work, so you want to take it back and swap it for something you're into.

How does he not already know all this after ten years??

He bought you something he's into.
Now he has the opportunity to make it right.

If he acts all hurt (it won't be his feelings, only his pride), keep it and put it in the back of your sock drawer. When he asks why you never wear it you can remind him then.

The money is already spent, if he wants to spend £400 on something useless to you, that's up to him.

Oh see this would really, really annoy me as I'd expect him to be smart enough to check if I could actually wear a watch at work and done a bit of digging beforehand to find out what styles I actually like. I think its actually so unthoughtful to not bother to try and find out if a gift is something the other person will like/use and just assume. But im aware im in a minority!

Great idea

you can’t keep a £400 watch you don’t like and can’t wear for work just to save his feelings when he bought it because he likes watches and he likes feeling nice about being nice.

just shit sandwich it: “darling I love that you wanted to mark our anniversary and bought something you thought I would like and could wear at work.
unfortunately I have to be bare below the elbow at work and the watch isn’t really my taste.
id like to take it back and instead spend the £400 on something we choose or do together, can we make plans for x weekend in y city?”

Do you ever wear a watch? If you do I would swap it with him for something you prefer and would wear. That way you risk not upsetting him as much.

Would you like a pendant or earrings instead? Something that still marks the occasion & is precious but you’ll actually enjoy wearing?

You’re just going to have to be honest with him and spell it out bluntly.
He’s basically shown you he has little interest or knowledge of your work, as if he did he would know you’re not allowed to wear watches. He’s also shown that he doesn’t know you. He bought a present HE wants, not something you like.

Personally I would be more upset if DH claimed he liked something but then it was just sitting gathering dust. Tell him you can't wear it so would rather choose something that brings you joy every day.

DP loves gadgets and bought me a very expensive gadget with some ancillary expensive gadgets for my birthday. I am so clueless about gadgets that I didn’t even know how expensive they were (I was telling a friend about them who asked what ‘model’ they were and was impressed). They could pay for one or two items on my ‘jewellery bucket list’ which is bits of jewellery I am waiting for a big career achievement or milestone birthday to buy for myself.

But I didn’t tell him any of this and just accepted the gifts graciously. He uses them more than me, when he comes around to my apartment, and it’s actually quite nice to see him get joy out of them.

For Christmas I am going to be a lot more proactive in directing him towards presents I want.

for me it always depends on the intent.

if a person actually tried, put effort in, but the gift just wasn't right? I wouldn't say anything. The meaning/effort is more important than the gift, and I wouldn't ruin that. Some people are just really bad at buying gifts.

If they didn't try? then I wouldn't have any problem with telling them. No effort to ruin, and no point in the gift.

Also - for the posters saying about how it was just something 'he likes' - this is a very male thing. And has nothing to do with not caring or trying. It is a very common male trait to have a really strong desire to share what you are passionate about with others. If you think it is great, of course they will think it is great, and if it gives you joy, of course it will give them joy etc. It is a lack of understanding/empathy, but it isn't a lack of care or love.