How to gently tell partner I don't like gift

[Runnermumof2]

So I was out 10 year anniversary yesterday. We don't really celebrate things like that, but being 10 years he wanted to get something to mark it. It was very nice of him and gave me a watch last night. Problem is that he really likes collecting nice watches, i don't.
He did say it wasn't expensive "so that I will wear it" and he left the receipt inside. I was £400. To me that's still expensive and honestly, I don't actually like it. It feels old fashioned to me, I know his mum would like it, so maybe that's what he was thinking ?
He said it would be good for work, as iv just gone back from maternity leave. Second problem being that I work in a hospital, so am not allowed to wear watches and am 'bare below the elbow'
How do I let him know gently that I'd prefer to return it ? I did try to bring up the topic when he mentioned that he's spent the last of his monthly money on is in a jokey way and said 'but I would have been happy with a trip to B&M, you didn't have to buy me a watch' and he responded that it was something he really wanted to do to mark the occasion.

I'm stuck. I don't want to hurt his feelings. But also I know if I keep it, it will just gather dust in the cupboard and the money could be much better spent elsewhere.
Any help ?

Nah this was just an excuse to indulge his hobby. This is the sort of thing compulsive collectors do - it's a kind of hoarding by proxy.

No need for an OTT gift if you don't normally celebrate anniversaries. And pretty shitty of him to go on about how he spent all his monthly money on it, as though you should be grateful and flattered, when it didn't even cross his mind whether you could actually use it.

Just gently tell him that it was a lovely thought, but this particular watch is not really your taste. Suggest going together to choose another one in exchange. That way you will get something you like (though not for work) and he will still feel involved and that you appreciate his thought in giving it.😊

No it's not kind. She can't wear it to the specific place he said she should.

This really made me lol ! Thank you !

After 10 years, he's bought you a present he'd like himself. Tisk tisk.

What a stupid and thoughtless present. How can he not know after all of these years that you’re not into watches and that you can’t even wear them in work?!

I hate experience vouchers.

I had spoken about this amazing savory afternoon tea in a local hotel and we couldn't get the timings right.
I live in an area where you can't throw a stone and not have an expensive or cheap afternoon tea locally.

So come Christmas a voucher for an afternoon tea experience 1-2 hours away. Not the one we'd discussed booking which is 20m away and it was such a " I like experiences so thought it would be good" thing. Then impulse panic buys small totally rubbish gifts that have no thought or use at all.
He's such a bad present giver!

The year before he got me a murder mystery experience voucher, wasn't bookable so no present. He said he never do it again. Then he did. I expressly said I hate those vouchers, they are unimaginative and you always get a bit of a rubbish deal. If you want a murder mystery book a murder mystery, if you want theatre, book theatre, if you want an afternoon tea, book an afternoon tea. Don't go for a fixed menu that's overpriced and an admin job for me to do to enjoy it (if it's even bookable!!!)

He just bought me chocolate for anniversary (he doesn't usually buy gifts for this stuff) so tried but I've got gestational diabetes and can't eat it!

I despair. I'm not a gifts love language person, but I love to find the perfect gift for someone and I think it's the puts time in one, it's about meaning not cost.

Anyway 3 years in even when I tell him transactionally to get me x, he panics and doesn't and gifts are just not his thing. I have to accept it.

I wish they were as I love a surprise. But alas.

Sorry hijacking post but I needed this vent more than I know.

Oh my son wanted to get me some sugar free treats and picked ice cream straws so he literally got me ice cream straws sugar free. He said son picked it, also I left it all too late. I said, no diabetic ice cream to go with them and he was like, "oh, that would have been a good idea wouldn't it?).
So now I have a box of edible straws oh and some lavender 🪻 seeds too as he also picked them. Just random. 😂🤣

Well, if it's a 'male thing' and nothing to do with not caring or trying, they should try harder, shouldn't they? Why is it that women have to pander to men not being able to perform certain tasks and just receive gifts that we have no use for just so their pride isn't hurt?!
The OP has been with her partner for an entire decade, surely, by now, he should know what she can wear to work and should know that she's not into the thing he collects?!
We need to stop giving men such an easy ride, otherwise they'll never learn and women will continue to be fed up with receiving gifts they have no wish for.

It’s really difficult isn’t it but I’d say something like ‘I’ve been thinking about ways to say this that don’t hurt your feelings because I love you so much and I love the gesture but I don’t like this watch I’m afraid, would it be okay if we went and chose something together? I’m not allowed watches at work so I could get a fancy nurses fob or something?’

You could get a decent smart device that goes in a fob.

My husband is watch mad too and did the same for me. I did grow to love it actually as I got a lot of compliments on it. I did once have to tell him about a handbag he bought me and, of my gosh it was vile. I didn’t even want to wear it when just with him so I just told him gently like above.

If he’s the type to get cross about it, that says more about him than you. He’ll naturally be dismayed as he thought about you.

don’t bring up the cost. That’s his choice and he chose to spend it on you so don’t bring it up.

I don’t think you need to pussyfoot around him too much op. He’s clearly bought something with no thought however much it cost.

I’ve told my DH on numerous Christmas mornings that I’m grateful for the thought but he’d probably better dig out the receipt and take it back. Now he jokes about wrapping up the receipts! But he has also bought me amazing gifts which he genuinely knows I love and appreciate.

I never understand why women are so scared of being honest about gifts (or anything really).

£400 is a lot of money for something you don’t want. It sounds like having something to keep is important to him. I’d say you appreciate the gesture but can you perhaps replace it for a small pendant or something you can wear at all times, and (together) spend the rest of the money into your holiday fund / weekend away / finally getting the garden done up.

Get him to return it. Surely he knows you can’t wear that type of watch at work? £400 is a weekend away!

YANBU. Personally, I'd be really upset that (after 10yrs!) he was incapable of choosing something for £400 that I would actually love to wear. Maybe his Mum helped him choose it? Which would be the bigger problem.

Just tell him, you really appreciate the effort he went to to surprise you with a decent watch to mark a special occasion, remind him that you cannot wear it for work and are not sure when you would ever wear it, you've let it sit with you for xyz days and still feel the same. Then I'd ask him, did he think it was a style you would like? The fact that he's more interested in giving you an expensive watch than whether you like it at all, frankly speaks volumes. Don't let this fester any longer than you already have.

THIS!!! My EX DH did that, and IOUs, so often it started to wear me down, especially when I would go to a lot of time and effort to think about him and find gifts he would love.

Having spent the majority of the year getting rid of possessions for the Oldies in the family, just take it back. You have the receipt.

You can talk to him first obviously and tell him how much you appreciate that he wanted to celebrate your 10 year anniversary but you can’t wear watches at work and you feel that you won’t get the wear out of it.

Then spend the money on something you would enjoy.

Whatever you do, don’t keep hold of a possession that you don’t like just to protect his feelings.

Best answer ever!

This, 100%.
Not surprising divorce rates are so high, going by the amount of rude and unkind suggestions in this thread.

I'd say the divorce rate is due to more women having the financial independence and balls to realise they don't have to put up with lazy, selfish men who can't think beyond their own preferences and try to pass it off as thoughtful. Remember the thread last week about the Dyson Air wrap? Same thing. Woman is v v clear and explicit, including a link and a heads up that a second hand one will be the wrong model. Man thinks he knows better. This one, after ten years, man doesn't know his wife can't wear a watch to work and is using it as a way to show off / indulge his own interest in fancy watches.

If you’ve been together for ten years you should definitely be able to tell him and change it for something more appropriate.

Oh give over with your ‘rude and unkind’. 🙄 If my husband wanted to divorce me over hurty feelings about a crap gift, or I needed to crack it out and wear it regularly to protect his delicate ego, then quite frankly he’s a dick, and so would I be for marrying him.

an ex of mine was really into skiing. So he bought me a ski suit for Xmas. I didn't ski, still don't ski and had told him numerous times I had no interest in ever trying skiing.
He was extremely offended I didn't like his gift. So many women would be thrilled, absolutely thrilled if their boyfriend offered to take them skiing, he said. And I was totally ungrateful.
I was not one of those women though.

I'm stunned that anyone could spend £400 on a watch 😳

£400 on Something you don’t like /can’t wear. Def tell him and change it

if it was £30/40 I would have kept stum but not that amount

This is a very very reasonably priced watch!

@Runnermumof2just be honest with him!

Wow. I usually get mine from Next & never spend over £45. They tell the time just as well as one that costs 400 I'm sure.